Sunday Post #4

Well, this week was another doozy. I hope I don't come across as using this as a place just to vent, but that sort of seems like the way life has gone lately. I am glad I am writing this at the end of the week instead of the beginning of the week, or my tone may have been a bit different. I think time helps settle things and even if things don't quite make sense, they are okay instead of feeling completely out of control.

So, here's a short long breakdown of the rough: (I am telling you, it seems like life just gets crazier and crazier):
Monday: Well this day was a bust. I went to work and it was absolutely crazy. We were in the midst of a million little storms and I was feeling super stressed. I went back into our office at one point and saw that I had missed a number of calls from Flor's bus driver. I had a few voicemails from him as well and so I immediately started panicking. Well, little did I know, but Flor was early out from school all week long. YES, mother of the year, right here, that DID NOT KNOW that her child was early out. If I was stressed before, I was over the edge with that news. I normally don't carry my phone with me out on the floor at the hospital, so enough time had lapsed that I just listened to three angry voicemails from him and a few panicked ones from my cousin Che'. The bus driver was understandably very mad and he ended up leaving Flor with a neighbor that answered their door- though it was a neighbor we don't know and so I was not super pleased with this. I think that the protocol for not having a parent home is that they take the child back to the school (that was my understanding) but he kept saying in the voice mails that he needed to take her to a shelter per his protocol. I would have preferred him to do that and then I would have dealt with the consequences of that instead of leaving her with a neighbor that we don't know and that does not know Flor. He had called Che' multiple times because she is listed as the emergency contact and given her an earful. She said she could leave and come get her right away, but she was in SLC. By the time I got all these messages, I was super upset. I called another neighbor that we do know to go get Flor from the first neighbor and then called the bus driver back just to let him know that I had gotten the messages and to apologize. Oh boy, it was rough. I was out on the floor at the hospital in tears feeling like I was the worst mother ever. Not a good start to the week. I don't know how I didn't get the memo about early out, but it was just her school and ALL week long-- makes no sense the week before Spring Break, but oh well. Don't worry, I had plans for her on Tuesday for a sweet neighbor (her activity day leader) to come get her off the bus. Not the best way to start the week, though.

Jen and Steve stayed with us that night, which was super nice. They were on their way to Mesquite for their spring break. It's always fun to have them around.

Tuesday: Another doozy. We received word via email that Ecuador rejected our dossier and wants a whole list of stupid, stupid things fixed before they will approve us. This came as a huge surprise because our agency made it sound like we were just waiting to be matched. Apparently not. The list is the most ridiculous things...we had my brother Michael translate it, because they sent it in Spanish. I wrote and requested that our agency send us an official translation so that we make sure to do it right, but we haven't gotten that yet. Ugh. I want to get going on it and get it done, but I want to do it right the first time! I felt SO overwhelmed by this for the next few days. It is going to be a bit of work, more time, more money, and more energy. It's not even the money that I care about at this point. It is just so exhausting thinking about jumping through these hoops just to jump through them, especially because we have so many other things going on and I have really been feeling good about traveling soon. So, no, I am sure this will delay us a few months. And just for kicks and giggles for those of you who are not on our adoption facebook page, here is a small sampling of what needs to be fixed and my sarcastic comments in parenthesis, since we all know I have a problem with over use of parenthesis:

Psychological Study:
*We need to address why we had Flor living with us since Dec 2011 but she was not adopted until 2012. Why the discrepancy in dates? (Note from Kim: Uhhhh, because of your ridiculous process in country? What else do you want me to say?)

*It is necessary to record the opinions thoroughly of the biological children on their their thoughts on the adoption of a new brother or sister (Because I am certain that both Jace and Hallie can eloquently state that in at least a page each)

*The grief process for the miscarriage I had is not thoroughly explained. Their words "An event of this nature requires the support of a professional". (So they want me to do a course of grief therapy to talk about an early term miscarriage?? Seriously!?!?!)

*It is not clear what our objective is for wanting to adopt another child (though this is talked about in the home study, in the psych report, AND i wrote a two page statement about it at the request of our agency just to be sure...that was the first time around...what more is there to be said about it? Shouldn't they just be happy that someone wants to adopt a child!?!)

*It is necessary to record, with photos, the home environment and family activities that PROVE a relationship exists between the parents and children (Really. Seriously. No words.)

Home Study:
*It says that I work for myself in the work of adoption. Them "What does this mean? Is it your own job, or a state job?" (Because the term 'working for myself' is not clear). They then want me to prove that I worked in adoption prior to this job by getting a letter from my previous employment. (oh joy).

*Our tithing donations were listed as part of our financial section. Them: "Who is donating? And why??"

*They want an explanation of my student loan. WHY do I have it? (I am not sure if STUDENT and LOAN together could be more self-explanatory, but okay)

And my person favorite:
*Expand on information of food costs. Their words, "It is only $350 for 5 persons per month to eat? You receive food donations." (Yes, that last part is a statement. They accuse us of being on some sort of subsidy because we only spend $350 a month on groceries. Yep. I am not sure how to even go about talking about this one. Should I submit my receipts? What would even be the point of us lying about how much we spend on groceries per month? Wouldn't they be much more alarmed if we were spending an insane amount?? So unclear why this is important...)

Yes, oh, SO FUN! 

Wednesday and Thursday I spent most of the day at the Utah Adoption Council Conference. We (UAS) have had a booth there for the past few years. While I normally love these events, I just was not feeling it. I was too worried about everything else going on. The good thing about it, though, was that our home study provider was there, so I was able to clue him in to everything and we talked about a strategy for getting the updates done as soon as possible. So, that was good.

Wednesday, as soon as I got home from UAC, I got a call from Flor's teacher telling me that her face was swelling and it looked like she was getting a black eye. She asked me to come get her (unsure why since black eyes are not contagious and it was 15 minutes before school ended...weird). Anyway, yes, her face was very puffy and she has a huge black eye and bruise extending over to by her ear. They swear that nothing happened at school and I have no way of knowing if something happened the day before because she was with a babysitter. I do suspect that it happened at school, though, because her face was so swollen then and it went down quickly that evening and the next day. It's still pretty ugly. Poor girl. Wish she could tell me what goes on sometimes! I wouldn't even be mad if they just said that someone hit her accidentally (and this is likely- some of the students get violent sometimes) but it's just weird that no one seems to know what happened. Sigh. 

Wednesday night, I was on trauma call and got called in at 1:30 am and was there until 3:30 am, which was an awesome way to spend my middle of the night hours. This week has been crazy for traumas at the hospital for some reason. Who knows why...but I will just count my blessings that I was not on Saturday night as there were 4- yes FOUR- in the middle of the night. I am sure my co-worker that was on was there the entire night. Awesome way to spend the weekend!

Some of this is not necessarily on the negative list, but it was just a busy week, so I'll include some of the other things we did just for record's sake :)

Thursday night, I spoke at an adoption community event about international adoption and specifically Flor's story. There was another couple there who shared their story and some agencies who talked about their international programs. It went really well. I wasn't really looking forward to it just because I'd had so much going on and I wanted to just sit at home and do nothing (or go to bed because I'd been up the whole night before!), but I was glad that I went. I talked to one couple after who is thinking about international adoption for a good long time and that was really nice. I do love the adoption world. 

Friday we had Che' and Landon's kids last minute as their babysitter was sick. We had a great time with the kids and had to laugh because everywhere we went, people commented on my five children. I'm crazy, but not that crazy. Anyway, Flor had an event that morning where she received a free bike from the American College of Genetics and Genomics. This group meets in a different place annually for their conference and partners with local organizations to provide bikes for kids with genetic disorders. They happened to be having their conference in SLC this year, the year Flor has been working with Shriners. We feel so blessed that she was given an adaptive bike that she can ride! It is a costly bike, too, one that we would never have been able to afford, so we feel especially grateful. I will post pictures of that at the end. 

I then took the kids to McDonalds for them to burn some energy and to consume 4000 chicken nuggets. That afternoon, I swapped Landon and he took all the kids so I could go down to Provo for a birth parent relinquishment. I had to hurry back as I had a phone interview with a couple that night. I finally had a few hours of relaxation that evening after that crazy week. 

Saturday I had interviews with a couple in their home for a home study and then spent the afternoon with the kids at the Jiffy Lube, because, you guessed it, car problems!! We went to get the van's safety and emissions done and it didn't pass because it needed new brakes. YEP. Another $400. It's almost comical, huh? 

Saturday afternoon, my sister and Steve were passing through town on their way back from Mesquite and picked up the kids to take back to Idaho with them. After the bus event, I had been freaking out that day, feeling like I ask too much of my neighbors to help me with the kids. This next week is spring break and I had no plans for the kids for Monday and Tuesday when I work at the hospital. I was venting this to my mom and Jennifer and they both immediately volunteered to take them. I definitely have the best family ever. So, the kids left Saturday afternoon with Jen and Steve and I'll go get them Tuesday evening. This is so awesome and provided a nice opportunity for me to go to the Women's Broadcast last night...which leads into the good stuff of the week.

1) Women's Broadcast. I have not been able to go to one of these for YEARS because Devin is always working. My sister-in-law Kirston called earlier in the week and asked if I wanted to go with her and some of the other sister-in-laws. I really wanted to go, but didn't think it was possible because who would watch the kids? Jen and Steve came in time to get them so that I could go. And it was amazing. I loved President Eyring's talk, the music, and the videos. There was nothing even super profound about it all, but just being able to be there with people I love and to sit quietly and feel the spirit was much needed. It was amazing. We went out for smoothies afterward and decided we'd make it a tradition with the Perry girls. Love it.

2) My ward had the Relief Society birthday dinner on Tuesday night. Again, I didn't think I'd be able to go because I did not have a babysitter. But, my sweet neighbor, definitely prompted by the Spirit, texted me to tell me she was sending her daughter over to babysit so that I could go. I thought I didn't really have time, either, amongst all my craziness, but again, I needed to be there and it was so perfect. There is just something about a sisterhood of people who love and help each other. We had homemade Cafe Rio (my favorite) and then went around and talked about "Angels Among Us", people who had helped and served us in times of need. I didn't think I was going to say anything, but then the mic came to me, and well, I had a lot to say. I am so grateful for the women in my ward of who have rescued me many times. I moved in not even a year ago and have felt so much love and caring toward our family. I have been in the position often of feeling like I have needed to ask for help, and that's always hard. Yet, every time I have asked, they have come. I am so grateful for that and I was glad to be able to express my gratitude to them. 

3) Today in Fast and Testimony Meeting, the little girl who gets Flor off the bus on Mondays and Tuesdays and spends an hour with her until I get home from work got up and bore her testimony about the positive impact Flor has had in her life. It was the sweetest testimony about God's love for all of his children. I was so touched because I was unsure how our babysitter had been feeling about everything. She is quiet and does not tell me a lot. I will admit another flaw of mine here, so don't judge. I often get stuck in the mode of thinking about the extra hardships that Flor has and I get anxious about leaving her with people because of her needs. To me, having someone watch Hallie and Jace is not that big of a deal because they are pretty easy and just play, but Flor takes attention, time, and effort. It is harder for me to ask for help with her because I worry about how she'll act. But, so many people came up to me after sacrament and our babysitter's testimony to tell me how positively Flor has impacted their lives, too. How amazing and what a beautiful blessing.

4) My cousin Carlie came to see us Wednesday afternoon and brought a big "Box of Sunshine" and then stayed the afternoon with me. I really needed her company and a distraction from everything, so her visit was timely and so needed. I am grateful for her for being such a blessing to me and being one of my people. 

5) Our entire family and some friends fasted for us today to help our adoption process move along. When life gets bogged down and hard, the solution is fasting and prayer. In his talk last night, President Eyring talked about the people of Alma and how they were under the huge burdens that Amulon placed upon them. They had taskmasters continually working them and placing large loads upon them. He shared this verse, which is just what I needed this week: 

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. (Mosiah 24:15)

The very act of fasting this week and knowing that so many were fasting with us was enough to help me feel my burdens being lightened. I have a new perspective on the dossier situation...while it still sucks, I feel better equipped to handle it somehow. I don't feel so depressed and down about it, I feel more ready to take it on. I know that has come through the power of prayer and fasting from so many, so thank you. I don't know that I am ready to submit "cheerfully" as the people of Alma did, but maybe I'll get there. :) 

And now, after that beast of a tale (sorry!), here are a few pictures:

Carlie's Box of Sunshine. Isn't she amazing?

Jace is such a funny boy. He asked me to send this picture to uncle Mikey to show him his shirt. This is not the first time this has happened. I'm not sure why he thinks Mikey cares so much about his shirts, but okay! And I really do have to send them, because then he sits and waits for the text back and asks me to tell him what it says. 

Ready to get her bike!

There it is!! So excited!!

Us and our five children! :) We had multiple comments about our twins (Jace and Hudson). If they are twins, one is certainly stealing food from the other (Jace from Hudson). :) There were a bunch of news outlets there and we were photographed with everyone multiple times. I hope we appear in the newspaper with all our kids! The Davis Clipper did contact me and want to run a picture of Flor on her bike, which I told them was fine. We don't get that paper, so probably won't know if it happens, but Flor may be making the paper twice in one month. She's our famous one, for sure!

Cute Jovi at McDonalds! Love her and trips to the Play Place!

Whew...I think that's it!! 

Sunday Post #1

I just love Sundays. As I was sitting in church today, I had the feeling that I need to start doing a better job of documenting life again, as I have done in the past. There is just so much going on that it makes it hard to sit down and write and upload pictures often. But, I feel it is important, so I am making a goal to write every Sunday! Let's see how it goes. I really don't care who reads this either, it's mostly for my own purposes. But, read on if you dare; today's post is likely a doozy, just like our week!

First, an adoption update. Here is what I posted on our Facebook group page on the 4th:

Our dossier cleared customs and arrived in Quito yesterday. The next step is the assignment of M to our family! The next committee meeting is in 2 weeks, so that's the soonest it could happen, but I'm not holding my breath for that. With Flor, we traveled about 6 weeks after we were assigned. I am scared either way...if we are assigned soon, are we ready? If we aren't assigned, will there be issues with our dossier that could delay things a lot?? Like I said, I have anxiety either way...

We're mailing a check today for the translation fees. Ecuador is awesome in that I think they make up new fees just to get more money out of us. So that's another $400. Our cars keep sucking money out of us, too. Every month it's something new. This is why I think I feel anxiety about things going fast. I want to make sure we have everything covered and with so much money flying out, it worries me. I tell you all this to be honest with the feelings and ups and downs of this process, not to make you feel bad for us or like you need to send us money. We said in the beginning that we would not do fundraising again like we did with Flor and we have been very blessed to be able to handle the costs as they come. My business has been a big blessing. We are very busy and all the money I make there goes directly into our adoption fund (and toward car repairs :-)) The costs this time have been much higher, but I am grateful that we've been so blessed.

We're praying for Heavenly Father's divine timing in this all!

 I feel like we are definitely being pushed against right now. Luckily, we seem to be keeping our heads above water and our attitudes aren't terrible yet. So, that's something! The more oppression I feel, the more I have to remind myself that what we are doing is right. 

I think there are a few things working against us right now: 

1) Money. It's a constant worry when you feel like something is always going wrong and pulling money away faster than we can replenish it. Life isn't always about money and honestly money is not that important to me, but when you feel like you are supposed to be doing something specific with that money and it gets pulled away, that's hard. This week was trying in that way, as you'll see if you read on. That said, we have been so, so blessed and have been able to handle all costs as they come. 

2) Time. The other big thing right now is time. We are so busy. There have been some changes in our lives that I can't really go into, but we are being pulled a million different directions. It is hard to keep everything going the way it should and keep our family life at a priority when we have so much to do. Nothing is a bad thing and there isn't really anything we can cut out right now, but we are clinging to the time we have together as a family and making the most of it. I think because I am so busy, it is a blessing and a curse in regards to our adoption plans. The positive is that because I am so busy, I have so little time to worry or stress over the process and what I can't control. The negative is that again, because we are so stretched thin, we are probably not doing enough to prepare ourselves right now to be bringing a ten year old into our home. I think Satan uses this against me often, whispering to me that we won't be a good enough family and that we won't be prepared, so this whole thing is going to be a big mess when we get home. I have to remember our initial promptings and everything we have felt since and truly trust that the Lord will make up for our shortcomings. I also have to remember that the efforts we are exerting in working so hard are for her benefit right now (and to live of course). I have felt some promptings in this regard in that because we are (mostly) living our lives the way we should the Lord will bless us with our transition with M and help her feel loved and a part of our family. I hope that's true. 

Ok, so on to this crazy week. See, all that and I haven't even really started yet. Oh boy. Last Sunday was Jace's birthday and we had a lovely time with that. I will do a separate post about that (no guarantees as to when, though...)

Monday I think was fairly normal. I work Mondays and Tuesdays at the hospital and so we all get home in the evening and have dinner, FHE, bedtime routine, and bed. 

Tuesday was when the fun began. We had a huge storm here...the biggest of the winter and it's March! It was white out conditions (then back to Spring two days later- go figure! Utah weather!). I take the kids to my sweet neighbor while I work. She lives up a small hill. When I got there, the roads were not plowed and I almost didn't make it up. We were spinning the tires like crazy and I was just praying we would make it, because the alternative was sliding back down onto the busy road. Yeah, no thanks. We finally did make it and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I wasn't thinking about the going back down part, and boy was that a mistake! On the way back down, I had zero brake control. I just slid completely down the hill. I was praying like mad that something would be able to stop me at the bottom before too much damage was done and also that there would be no traffic (remember, I was headed towards a busy road!). Both prayers were answered. There was no traffic, so I slid right across the through street and then hit the curb across the street, bounced up on it, and landed in a neighbor's yard, right between their mailbox and a fence. Luckily, I hit nothing. This experience convinced me that I can't live on a hill! 

Since I have a reputation for leaving the scene of wrecks (okay, that just happened once. The dumpster story that I will never live down!). I decided that all was fine and backed up and drove on. All was fine until I was about 10 minutes away from work. I was on highway 89 leading into Ogden and all the sudden traffic completely stopped. I had nowhere to go but to sit there. There was a concrete barrier blocking us from the other side of the road and then just stand still traffic for as far as I could see. I called my boss to let her know I'd probably be a little late. Well, a little late turned into TWO HOURS late as I sat there, unable to move for that long. Occasionally, we'd inch along a little, but with no real movement. At one point my boss called back to tell me that she saw that Highway 89 was closed and she told me just to turn around and go home. Well, I couldn't do that and I was much closer to the hospital than to home, so I just sat and waited it out. Finally, about a mile later, we began to move again and I was able to get to work. While sitting there, though, I noticed that the temperature gauge in the car was reading -10, then a few seconds later -25, then a few seconds later it finally settled on -40. I thought that there was no way it was that cold! Sure enough, days later, it still says -40. So this was my first clue that I may have done some damage to the car. Later, after work, I was meeting some clients to pick up their home study and when I got out to meet them, I saw that I had lost the hubcap to the car. Just lovely. I decided then that I better take the car in the next morning.

This is me stuck in traffic thinking "wow, it really is cold!" then shortly after thinking "It can't be that cold..." 

So Wednesday morning, Hallie, Jace and I spent the morning at Les Schwab where I learned that I broke some bar under the car, ruined the alignment, and that we needed two new tires. Three hours and $450 later...we were out of there! I took the kids to Target nearby for a portion of the time and Jace threw the BIGGEST fit over a ninja turtle toothbrush that I have ever seen. It was colossal. I am sure we were quite the site, me dragging him out of the store screaming blood murder, Target bags in hand, and then dragging him clear back across to the Les Schwab. People probably wondered why the heck I would ever venture out with such a child. The answer is that I don't know myself. 

I had two home studies to write this week and two updates, so all my spare time was spent typing those. I really hate to feel behind and I definitely felt behind all week with all the kinks in the system! This is important for later in the story...

Thursday the kids and I met up with my friends Meghan and Kim at the children's museum in SLC. We spent the morning there and had a great time. It is important for me to take breaks like this because if I allow myself, I can come up with a lot of excuses as to why I am too busy to meet up with friends. But I need it. I am a social creature and I crave that kind of friendship and outings. So, that was really a bright spot in the week, even though it meant we had McDonalds on the run to get the kids back to for school and they were both still quite late. Oh well. You only live once, right! While they were in school (Jace does afternoon preschool T/Th), I went and got my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed. Alone time! It's the little things in life...

A few pictures from the Children's Museum

Everyone eats a loaf of bread while working on their car, right?

I sure love these ladies. Kim (in the middle) is moving to Seattle, so we are going to have to go visit her there! I have always wanted to go there.

Thursday night, I went to meet some clients to do a home study update. It should have taken an hour or so, but ended up taking three. There last home study was a disaster, so I had to spend extra time interviewing them to write a complete update. So, I didn't get home until after 10 and went right to bed as I was exhausted. 

Friday was a realllly fun day. :) The mornings are spent shuttling Hallie and neighbor girls back and forth to dance and then they play until kindergarten. I was trying to get an update scanned to a client who wanted it before Saturday because LDSFS was hosting a fair to help clients get on the new adoption.com website and they needed it for that (this was the clients that I saw Wednesday night, so it was not like I was slacking-- I was doing them a big favor to get it to them that fast). Anyway, the scanner chose that very moment to stop working. So, as soon as I got the kids to school, Jace and I went to the library. I was thinking I could scan it there, but nope. They don't have scanners for public use. UGH. So, then I was thinking that I would go home, get us some lunch, and then go see about buying a new scanner. After we ate, we headed out the door (I had other errands to run too, so I figured we'd need all the time that the kids were in school). As soon as I slammed the locked front door shut, I immediately realized that I had left the keys in the house. I prayed it wasn't so, but...it was. Of course, right when I felt like I had a million and one things to do. I called Devin but he was working and could not get away. I called our neighbor whose daughter helps with Flor sometimes so she has a spare key. The mom didn't know where it was and her daughter was in school. I called the landlord and they said they wouldn't come from North Salt Lake. UGh. 

While I tried to figure out what to do, Jace and I walked down to the closest park, which is right behind the cemetery (I know, weird spot for a park). He was on his wiggle car and went careening right by a graveside service going on at full speed. Oh, gotta love that kid. I couldn't keep up as I was on foot. We spent an hour or so at the park and then walked back home as the girls would be getting home soon (early out day on Fridays). By the time we got home, Hallie was already home and standing on the porch waiting for me. She had a birthday party to get to so I knew that we needed to get into the house sooner rather than later. I was waiting for the neighbor girl to call me back as her mom said she'd call as soon as she got home and she was out of school by then too. After a while, I tried her and her sister said she wasn't home and wouldn't be home until 3 (this was at 2- we got locked out around 12). I tried Devin again, but he again couldn't come home. Flor got home and we all spent time in the backyard jumping on the trampoline and hanging out. My phone was about to die at this point and I was getting desperate, so I decided I would call a locksmith and just get it over with. I called the first on the list and my phone was at 1%, so I just gave him quick directions and hurried and got off. It took them a half hour to arrive and then they told me that it would cost me $90 to open the door! $90 for the cheapest method, mind you! I told him that I would not pay that and that I would call someone else (even though my phone was dead and I really couldn't call anyone else). He called his boss and said they'd do it for $50. So he went and tried and could not do the cheaper method, so then he said that he'd have to pick the lock and it would be $90. By this point, I was so frustrated that I just told him to go for it. UGH. We got in right at 3 and Hallie's party started then. I rushed her to the party, drove and got myself the biggest diet coke known to man, and went home. Oh, and guess who called about ten minutes after the locksmith was done? Yes, the neighbor with the key! Oh, gotta love it. After we got home,  I prayed and prayed that the scanner would work because I still hadn't solved that problem. Lo and Behold, I installed some updates per the website and it worked! YAY!! You see, the Lord does care about our small problems in life, even scanners. :)

I spent some quality time with Jace during our time locked out of the house. Maybe the Lord was trying to send me a message to SLOW DOWN and smell the roses! I did enjoy my time out in the beautiful weather with Jacer, which I definitely would not be doing had I not locked us out of the house, so there's a small blessing there. Anyway, I really should not have been taking so many pictures at this point because it definitely contributed to my phone dying when I really could have used more battery life...Oh well, you live and learn.

We had a lot of jumping time while we were locked out too! 

We met my dad for dinner that night, which was really nice and a good break. After dinner, I went out to do another home study update at a client's house. This one was shorter which was nice. I was also on call that night for trauma call (as I had been on Tue and Thur as well and also today. One of our regulars is in Hawaii, so we have extra shifts because of that. Luckily I was not called in Tuesday or Thursday). Anyway, it's not really smart to schedule appointments on the same night that I am on trauma call because if I get called in, I have to go. I have done it a few times and luckily it has worked out okay (only with appointments that are really close to my house, though). Anyway, Friday night...you guessed it. I got called in. Luckily I was done with the appointment, but it still scared me enough that I don't think I will do that again. Anyway, I got home, was home about 10 minutes, and then got called in. This was about 9 pm. I was there until 12:30 am. I was working the next day too and having been there that night, just looking at the stack of papers on my desk for the next day and seeing how packed the ER was, I knew it was going to be a long work day Saturday! 

I don't do too well on a lack of sleep and I only got 6 hours Friday night, but I actually did okay Saturday at work. It was pretty busy, but not as bad as I thought it would be, for sure. While I was there, Devin took the other car in to Les Schwab because the brakes were sounding funny. Another few hours spent there, $250, and we got a new set of brakes! I swear, these cars are going to be the death of us. We would be better off driving super fancy cars at this point and paying a monthly payment than keeping our cars that are costing us more than a monthly payment each month. It's awesome. 

Anyway, I think the pearls of wisdom in this week are that there are blessings in small things, that I need to slow down sometimes and take advantage of time with my kids, and that no matter how tough things get, we can always keep moving forward and keep a good attitude. I recognize that the opposition we feel is for a reason. I know the more we feel, the closer we are to good things to come. We're holding on to that.

Medals for each of you that made it this far! 

Happy Sunday!

Post #1 done. Let's see if I can make it to week 2!

Curveballs in Life

Sometimes life goes the way we plan it to. Most of the time it doesn't.

We are in a phase of life that I can just describe as sheer craziness. There are a lot of unanswered questions, but we have a new path and one that I feel is right and good for our family. Devin accepted a job this week at a country club up north a bit. This is fantastic news because it is just the type of job that he wants to do, plus it is in Utah still, which means that I can continue to do what I have been building for the last few months- which is the Utah Adoption Specialists business. This new job for Devin seems to be a big blessing and I am trying to view it totally that way, because honestly, we have seen very few jobs posted of this type in Utah and we have been looking for years! So, it feels like a big blessing from Heavenly Father and I am first and foremost acknowledging it as such.

Of course there are always worries with every new step we take in life. This job only offers benefits after 1 year, so that means that Devin will need to keep his current job as well in order to maintain benefits. He only needs to work 24 hours a week there for benefits, so three shifts, but still- 3 shifts on top of an already full-time job is a lot! He has done it before, though not for a year. He will hopefully transfer up to a store closer to where we will be so that he can do away with the commute once we move. Also, his start date is March 17, which is VERY soon. I am committed to my internship down here until the end of April, so we are going to have some overlap there. He will be commuting each day, about an hour each way, and then we will have to get childcare for Hallie and Jace during the day for those 5-6 weeks. I'll just have to be home by the time Flor gets off the bus so that we won't have issues there.

We also are getting ready to list our house and look for a new home up near Devin's new job. We have been running around like crazy people trying to get the house in order to list it. We have been re-doing the basement, including painting it, doing baseboards, and getting new carpet. We also need to replace part of a fence in our backyard and re-paint the kitchen and then we will be ready to list the house. It is nerve-wracking doing that too because we want to get some money out of our house, especially given that we have now completely remodeled the whole thing, but we also want/need to sell it quickly. So finding that balance of the right price is going to be tricky, I think.

I am also sad about leaving where we live. It honestly took me years to adjust to our neighborhood and ward. I didn't feel like I quite fit in for a long time, but now the thought of leaving the comfort here and the good people that we have come to truly know and love is hard. I don't do well with change, so I can imagine that it is going to be emotional for me. I hope that we can find a new great neighborhood and a new great ward. I of course worry about schools for Flor (and for Hals who will be starting kindergarten in the fall!) and making sure that we can meet her complex needs.

The other thing that will be weird- at least for a time- is that I won't be working, other than running my business from home. Do you know how weird this will be? I have had a job (like show up to a location type job) since I was 15 years old. I have never been a full-time, stay-at-home mom and that honestly scares me quite a bit because I know myself well enough to know that I am the best mom I can be when I have a little time outside of the home. So...wish me luck (and the kids!) on that one. Luckily, with my business, I will still get to escape in order to visit couple's homes for interviews. So that's a good thing. I'll just coordinate those around Devin's schedule as much as possible.

I do want to find a part-time job again at some point, primarily because I want to work toward my LCSW. I am studying now for the licensure exam (another thing on the list to do!) to become a CSW- a certified social worker.  I can take that anytime and graduate with the license. However, I then need to work 4000 supervised hours in doing clinical work in order to obtain my L- a licensed clinical social worker. This is a big deal because once you have the L, you can practice completely on your own without supervision.  I need supervision as a CSW in order to get the L, and I really do enjoy clinical work, so I will look into that sometime down the road. Right now it is not that pressing. I enjoy so many things in my field that I imagine I will be happy doing anything as long as it is challenging and something I feel that I can contribute to. I have LOVED my internship in the addiction/substance abuse arena and I really didn't even think I was going to like it. I initially chose it for convenience sake only, but I have learned an immense amount and it is an area where I think I would feel comfortable practicing. However, I enjoy all different populations and types of issues, so like I said...whatever comes my way, I think I can be happy doing it. Down the road though... I have to try not to get to eager about that. haha.

We have some things we are working on with Flor too, but I will write more about that at another time (Like there is ever even a guarantee that I will write on the blog at all. I know it has been so hit and miss these days! But just think about how much I may be blogging once I am home more often...I may annoy you to death.)

Anyway, if the two of you who still read my blog would pray for us during this transition time and especially with the sale of our house and keeping sane during the next crazy few months, that would be ever so lovely!

The New Normal

Someday I might want to remember what this year of grad school was like. Right now, I just want to forget it! But, I thought I would record what our new normal is going to be like this year. Good thing I have such a supportive husband, because none of this would be happening without him. Some really interesting things are happening and have happened that have affirmed to me again and again that NOW is the time that I am supposed to be in school. It's really become apparent that we did the right thing. I will share more later when I can, but I am so glad that there is a loving Heavenly Father who is looking out for us and even though I have looked back and questioned whether or not we made the right decision, I am glad we "stepped into the darkness" and the light has come on.

 From a talk by Boyd K. Packer: Shortly after I was called as a General Authority, I went to Elder Harold B. Lee for counsel. He listened very carefully to my problem and suggested that I see President David O. McKay. President McKay counseled me as to the direction I should go. I was very willing to be obedient but saw no way possible for me to do as he counseled me to do. I returned to Elder Lee and told him that I saw no way to move in the direction I was counseled to go. He said, "The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning." I replied that I would like to see at least a step or two ahead. Then came the lesson of a lifetime: "You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you." Then he quoted these eighteen words from the Book of Mormon: "Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

I have always loved this story and that quote, "You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you." I have seen it in times past in my life, but now more than ever. I may be like some of you in that I don't feel that I receive personal revelation very often, or at least when I am making decisions it does not feel that I am getting direct answers. However, as time goes on, there are situations like this when I can look back and see that I received answers. It is empowering and beautiful to think about. 

Okay, on with the schedule. I am in my second semester now after completing summer semester. This semester is a bit more (okay a lot more) intense, especially given that I am completing an internship in addition to my classes. This is the current weekly schedule: 

Mondays:
Kim internship from 9-3
Devin work from 4-12

Tuesdays:
Kim internship from 9-4:30
Devin work from 5-12

Wednesdays: 
Kim internship from 9-3
Devin work from 4-12

Thursdays: 
Kim on the train at 6:50 
class from 8:30-11:30
break from 11:30-12:20
class from 12:20-3:30
class from 3:40-5:30
class from 5:40-7:30
UGH!!!!! :)
I spend the night at my cousin Che's house as she lives close to the school. Devin is home all day and night with the kids

Fridays: 
Kim class from 9:30-11:30
on the train by 12:11 and home by 1:11
Kim to work from 1:20-4 (LDSFS work)
Devin to work from 4-12

Saturdays: 
Kim to work from 8-11 (LDSFS again)
A little time together-- yay!!!
Devin to work from 4-12 or 5-1

Sundays: ALL day together! YIPPEE!!!!

So, we hardly see each other, but what else is new? Six years of marriage and that has always been the case. I wonder what it will be like to actually spend a lot of time together?? 

So, my days are spent interning/working/schooling, and Devin's days are spent home with the kids. What a trooper. :) His nights are spent working and mine are spent home with the kids/ doing homework. I am really grateful that we have established the pattern of putting our kids to bed at 7 pm each night, because that gives me a few hours each night on my own to get some things done. I really should be reading textbooks right now because I have insane amounts of reading to do each week, but you have to pick and choose, right? I just wrote a 3 page paper, so I am giving myself the rest of the night off, otherwise my brain might explode. I think it is humanly impossible to actually read all of the stuff that the professors assign. So, I just do what I can and hope for the best. 

8 more months till graduation!! Not counting down or anything...

Witchapaloooooooza 2012

You have all probably figured out that Witchapalooza is one of our official Clark Family Holidays.
Remember This? (2011)
and This? (2010)
AND THIS? (2009)
And THIS? (2008)
 It is something I look forward to literally all year long. This was our 5th year in a row and again, it did not disappoint. Can't express how much I love this family event. What's better than awesome costumes, scary makeup, fudge/caramel apples, window shopping at Gardner Village before the show, taking a million pictures, and a hilariously awesome dinner show? Nothing I tell you. Nothing. This year's show was the best yet. I don't know what it was, but even though it was the same show as last year, the actors this year had an extra dose of awesome-ness.

However, let me back up a tad as I have some non-witchy photos in this post. As a family we made a joint decision to go to Logan the day before the show (Friday) in order to clean Brad's house. He and the kids were headed to Boise to visit his sister, so we thought it would be a good time to help him deep clean a little. We cleaned the house shortly before Linda's death, (seen here) and Linda and Brad appreciated the help a lot. Of course Brad is busy with his four kids, so we thought it would be a good idea to do what we can to help again. The crew gathered Friday and we spent all evening Friday and the morning of Saturday cleaning. You know you have a pretty great family when they can make even cleaning a really fun time.

Looking so good...two days worth of grime...yippee!

Must have: a pose with our cleaning supplies. There are some pretty fabulous faces in this photo, if I do say so myself.

Just an idea of what can happen in the late hours of the evening when everyone is a bit loopy...so the back-story on this is that everyone was talking about the show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and talking about a particular episode called "Shhhhh, it's a Wig!" Apparently I was the only one there who had not seen this episode as the whole family was quoting it and basically in hysterics over it. We You-tubed it and I got to see some of the episode, which just got everyone rolling further. While watching it, Mari Ann disappeared and then reappeared wearing my Grandma's wig (not sure if that is supposed to be unmentionable). She had snuck into the room where Grandma was sleeping and returned with the wig. Hahahahah. She cracks herself up.

Lookin' snazzy

I also have to say how great my Aunt Angela, Uncle Shawn, and cousins Kenna, Karch, and Logan are. They moved to Logan recently and were willing to take my kids over night so that I could go help, un-distracted, with the cleaning. It was so nice knowing that my kids were in great care and that I could focus on the job at hand. So, thanks Frisbys! The kids had a great time-- Hallie got to stay up until 11 pm for probably the first time in her life, Flor had tons of attention from Kenna (whom she adores), and Jace had an unlimited supply of awesome flavored milk (banana anyone?). Win, win. Devin was working Friday night and Saturday during the day- if you are wondering why he did not just take the children. Poor thing has a pretty steady diet of weekend work. Blech.

Saturday after we finished the last of the cleaning, it was time to get in character. Our witchy characters just seem to get better and better every year. Next year we are going to need a full 12 hours to get ready if we are going to outdo ourselves from this year.

5 girls in front of one mirror...

Jennifer's awesome hair

Carlie and I

Good thing Brad decorates for Halloween-- the cobweb addition to my hair  was courtesy of his front bush. Thanks Brad!

The annual tights photo. I think I am due for a new costume next year-- I am pretty sure I have worn these tights every year since we started dressing up. 

All dressed and ready to go. I know, I know- we are a scary looking bunch of witches.

That red lipstick--whoa... a little much. 

Grandma and two of her girls. Of course we missed Linda so much again and my mom didn't come this year. 

Carlie and her handsome new boyfriend

Us and some woman's rear end. Lovely.

Post-show picture with the hilarious and super talented cast.

 Again, I highly recommend this for anyone in the area. Such entertainment and fun. Just promise me you'll dress up if you go. :)

Man V. Mud Pirates Edition

A few months ago, a really funny conversation happened while many of our family members were gathered at my cousin Che's house. I think the conversation happened because we were trying to prepare Tim, Carlie's fiancee, about what to expect as a member of the Clark family.

The gist of the conversation was this:  in order to succeed in this family, men need to know some basic family rules about family holidays ("holidays" is a very loose term, defined as any actual holidays and/or made up holidays, of which we have many: Relay for Life, Neil Diamond Concerts, Witchapalooza, etc.)

The rules are that the men must
A) Attend the "holiday"
B) Pay for the holiday
C) Babysit so that the women can attend the holiday (let's be honest- we are a very matriarchal family and much of what we do is planned by and for the women)
or D) find some other way to show that they support the holiday

While this list was actually first spoken in that conversation, I can't tell you how true it is. These have been unspoken rules for years.

So remember how last year we participated in the Man V. Mud run as a way to show support for Brad and the kids after Linda's death (the organizers of the race were donating a portion of the proceeds to Brad)? Well, this has now made the list as a Clark family "holiday".

Let me tell you how much fun this is....SO FUN. I looked forward to this all summer and it did not disappoint. In fact, it was better than last year in my opinion for two main reasons. One- we knew what to expect and two- we went all out on the costume idea and it was hilarious. We enjoyed it so much that by the end of the race we had already come up with next year's theme. They had more obstacles this year and some of the same ones were revamped to be better. Overall, it was fabulous.

And now, many a photo to follow:

Instead of hitting up the local diner, Angie's, after the race, this year we opted to do it beforehand. Check out that crew. Man I love these people. (Please also don't fail to notice the food coming out of Flor's mouth. At least she is smiling!)

Carter got to run with us this year and he was thrilled. Especially because he and I got to wear matching mustaches.

Some of us took the pirate theme more seriously than others...ahem not naming names, but um...

I had a great time finding Devin and I costumes at the D.I. That fringe vest? Best find ever!

Okay, can't not include the picture of these two cuties. Brookie and Charlie hanging out in the grass while we had a little photo shoot pre-race. Aren't they adorable?

Our whole team...looking scary.

Cort ran the whole race with that parrot attached to her shoulder. Definitely the best part of any of our costumes! 

yes, I know, I am frightening. 

I love me this pirate...

Okay, and now just imagine a picture or two here of our whole team covered in mud, right after the race ended. We had some nice gentleman take a group shot; however, in reality he took nothing. Boo. The Man V. Mud official ones haven't been posted yet, but when they are, I might just have to post it.

Welcome to the family Tim! Family holidays are great, eh?

I can't stop laughing at this picture. Be sure to note the poor dead bird hanging down her shoulder...

Looking good....(don't worry the sunglasses were not part of our original costumes, but we each secured a free pair for participation. wahoo!)

This picture didn't exactly turn out, but its still funny. Cortney showing off her dead bird- poor thing.

Until next year, Lady Lindas! (Yes, we kept the Lady Linda name from last year...probably will become a tradition, although what the race has to do with Linda anymore, I don't know, other than the fact that I know she would be making fun of us and calling us big "nerds" or "losers" for our participation.I can just see her laughing about it. I miss her so much.)