March 28, 2013

True Joy

 For it must needs be, that there is an aopposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.
(2 Nephi 2: 11)

I know I have quoted this scripture before on my blog, but I am quoting it again. Over time and based on different experiences currently happening in life, different scriptures take on different nuances of meaning and this is definitely one that has done that for me. It is a go-to scripture and one that I love.

I feel like I have been blessed to get glimpses of true joy in life-- and those glimpses have not come from anything worldly- not from money (cause heaven knows we don't have any of that), nor from new clothes, nor from driving nice cars. No, it has come from having strong family relationships and seeing the love that God has for us through modern day miracles.

I am talking about my Uncle Judd and his miraculous recovery from a seriously life-threatening stroke. A week or so after Judd's stroke, I remember crying in bed one night and asking Devin what he thought about the situation. After we talked about it for a while, we both determined that it was probably best for us to start preparing for the fact that Judd would not live. His situation was so dire and it just seemed like a mountain that could not be climbed. At the same time, thousands of people were praying and fasting for Judd and I know the power of both of these things. It was hard to cling to hope, but I wanted to anyway. I have seen Judd just once since his stroke and that experience seemed to just affirm to me that hope was slipping away fast.

Well, just a few days after I saw Judd, he miraculously awoke from his coma-- something I had told myself would not happen. Since then, each day makes huge strides in his recovery. Every time I talk to Che'- his daughter- I am amazed at the progress being made each day. We aren't talking little things, we are talking huge things. Judd walked up stairs today. He is speaking and completely lucid. Even a tiny thing would seem like a miracle, but these are major things. I have no doubt that we are in the middle of a large miracle wrought by the hand of God.

When I talked to Che' yesterday and she told me that Judd had walked around a gym on his own, I told her that I don't really have words to express the true depth of my happiness for what is happening. I told her that I am certain that I wouldn't feel this type of joy if a million dollars landed on my doorstep. I mean that.

I think one of the main reasons we are able to feel such joy and happiness in this situation is because we have been on the other side. One of the questions (of many) that I ask my adoptive couples when they are in the process of being approved for adoption is to tell me about traumatic experiences in their lives. I always think about how I would answer certain questions should they be posed to me-- and for that one, I hands down have an answer. There is nothing in my life that compares to the trauma of losing my aunt Linda. Nothing comes even close. Before her death, I might have said my parents' divorce, but compared to that and even the other deaths our family has experienced, my personal experience has been that Linda's death has been the most difficult thing in my life to this point. I know that may sound silly to many of you, but it's the truth. I  can't express how much I still miss her and how difficult it is to re-live the moments leading up to her death. Time does dull the pain some, but just little triggers-- like seeing a life-flight helicopter, or seeing the hospital where she died, or watching her video--bring it all rushing back.

One thing Linda's death has taught me, though, is to experience true joy in times of blessing. This is one of those times. I feel such joy and gratitude for the miracle that is happening and just felt the need to express that. God is good and He loves us. He has a plan and wants us to be happy. I don't know His reasons for all things, but I trust in His will and know that as painful as it was and is, He needed Linda and the others who have passed on, but now He has allowed us to have Judd for more time. He also allowed Mason to live {not sure that I have ever said much about Mason's story , but he is Cortney's oldest son and was ran over by a pickup truck as a toddler and wasn't expected to live. He is now a happy and healthy 9 year old} and Charlie to live {and be developmentally normal thus far!}. We have so much to be grateful for. We all know that I am great at acknowledging the losses we have experienced, but I want to make sure to acknowledge our blessings as well, because they are many.

Just a quick ending story. Every day Hallie has been praying that "Uncle Judd will recover." One day, I asked her if she knows what "recover" means, and she said that she has no idea. I had a good laugh because she must have heard Devin and I praying for that and adopted it. Today she decided to mix it up a bit and said instead, "Please bless Uncle Judd to be able to go home tomorrow and for this to never, ever happen again." Amen, sista.
This is what it's all about. Clark family 2010 family photos- the first ones since probably 1987 or so and a good thing because Linda passed away a short 5 months later. (This is just one branch of the family- the branch I am talking about- but I feel the same way about all of our family)

*Small disclaimer: Sometimes I feel a little silly posting certain things on my blog because I don't want to spin things to make them seem all about me when they are not. But, I am one who processes things by writing and this is where I write, so what I say is just how I feel about experiences and what I have learned from them, not to draw attention away from those that the experiences affect the most. Like with Linda, obviously it is much more important how Brad and the kids were affected, not me. Same thing with Judd- it is much more important how his wife and children feel versus how I feel. But, this is part of how I process things, so here it is. 

1 comment:

Shawna said...

So glad to here that Judd is doing so amazing! Such a miracle and blessing! I just can't believe all that has happened in your family in the past few years. So happy for everyone that this is ending happy.