A few UAS events

My colleagues and I have been busy marketing our lovely little business. Things have really picked up recently and we are excited. We are also having a good time just getting our name out there. We have participated in a few community events as well that have been a great time. We look forward to doing more of that. 

Good thing we ordered 5000 business cards! That will keep us busy for a while...

 The first event was the Utah Adoption Council Conference at the end of March. We rented a booth and sat there for two days passing out candy and business cards/brochures to other adoption professionals & adoptive families. We had a great time at the conference and met a lot of wonderful people.

We also learned that we need some standing up posters/signs for our booth next time we have one!

I saw my good friend Jaime at the conference and it was fun to catch up with her for a bit!

I love these ladies. We make a good team (along with Krystal of course, though she lives in St. George so she wasn't at the conference)

The next event was the Village Run, a 5k race and silent auction that supports youth in foster care. We decided this would be a good event to "sponsor", so we donated a gift basket for the silent auction and in return got our name on the flyers, etc. We also hung our lovely banner. Lauren and I went for the event, which was a ton of fun for the kids. They had a carnival and a huge easter egg hunt, plus a fun run and all sorts of other fun things for the kids to do...and it was all FREE. The kids all came home with a haul- tons of candy, stuffed animals, little toys... it was crazy. We will definitely be going again next year.

Like my feet?

Our basket. I thought it was pretty cute myself.

Wes, Lauren's son, running in the kids 1k fun run. The kids all got a fleece blanket as a prize. Super nice!

Carly, Lauren's daughter, and Hallie ready to run.

Wes and Jace

Oh and  I didn't mention all the characters the kids got to meet. So fun.

Hallie (in blue) running for the finish line. Addict II Athlete was heavily represented there too, which was fun. This program was started by the therapist at my internship and is an "Erase and Replace" program to help addicts overcome their addictions. It is a pretty amazing program doing great things. The little girl in front of Hallie is one of the therapist's kids. 

Phew. I think that's all the blogging I am good for tonight. I am such a lightweight these days! More to come.

Playing Catch Up- March

I don't even know what happened for the rest of March, but I do have a few pictures, so I'll just post those.
Bike Riding:
We love, love, love it when the weather gets warm enough for the kids to go out and just spend the afternoon. They love riding their bikes and playing on the trampoline and I love the quiet time. :) Hallie is mad though because her new bigger bike does not have training wheels and she doesn't know how to ride it. We are working on that...Jace is a serious animal on his wiggle bike that he got from Grandma Lisa. He is crazy on that thing!

\

Losing Teeth:

Well this is good. I have very little documentation of Hallie's lost teeth so far. She has lost her two bottom teeth so far. The first one the tooth fairy actually came and brought her a dollar and the second tooth, well her mom lost that one and the tooth fairy never made it. oops. I hope she'll forgive me for that one! 

 Random?
Apparently Flor and I liked taking our picture a bit this month and I randomly have a picture of Hals and Jovi, probably from one of the days that Che' had my kids. What cute girls I have.

And apparently March was that great. No other pictures and I have no recollection of any major events, so we'll just move on to April. 

Update: Wisdom from Devin

After I wrote that huge old post yesterday about how life is stressful, I had a conversation with Devin to get his views on the past few months. I asked if him he can ever remember such a stressful few months and he said, "Yes. We have been through a lot of stressful times that we made it through.We could have turned around and walked home from Ecuador without Flor if we were the type to give up in the face of stress." Yeah. I do remember those stressful times of trying to adopt Flor. That just put things right into perspective.

Oh and by the way, just in case you are worried, I am really not all that stressed out. Just coasting right along. What's next? I'm ready.

My poor little neglected blog

I haven't been this long without blogging since I began, I am pretty sure. I have a lot to back up and catch up on, but that may happen and it may not. Onward and upward I guess. I wouldn't worry about it too much because really I think hardly anyone reads the blog anymore (and I am okay with that), but it is really the only way I keep a historical record of any sort for my family. I used to be such a great journaler in high school, and now when it matters, I am not at all. I am so glad I have 17 journals full of random ramblings about various boys and what I did on weekends, though. If you're ever bored, come on over and I'll read some to you. Quality entertainment.

Anyway, these past few months have been among the most stressful and crazy that I can remember. Maybe there have been other periods in life that have been this stressful, but I have blocked them out. So, now, while I should be writing a home study, I am instead going to do a little writing therapy, since that tends to help.

I have so much to be grateful for and I want to start with that first. I am so incredibly blessed. I graduated yesterday with my Master's Degree. It feels surreal to say that. I have had this as a goal for a long, long time and now that I have actually achieved it, it seems almost like it didn't happen. I am sure the reality will set in. Devin has been such a big support and has truly sacrificed so much for me this year as I pursued this goal. I love him so incredibly much, it's hard to describe. I am so grateful for all that he does for me and count my blessings every day that he is mine. He is an incredible husband. Sure he has faults, but his goodness far outweighs any faults that he has. I'm blessed.

Devin started his new job about a month and a half ago & is loving it so far. There was a little stress with that for a minute, but it seems to be resolving itself and for that we are grateful. What we are not loving is the commute. The poor man is commuting 10 hours a week or so in addition to the already full weeks he works. He is a trooper though and doesn't complain like I have a tendency to do....I don't even know what I mentioned here as far as our house goes. The house was listed about two months ago and we had an offer within two weeks. We felt amazingly blessed....that is until the house inspection happened and we found out that we had water damage in our attic, that we needed a new roof, and that we needed a new swamp cooler (the culprit causing all the damage). UGH. This was super stressful to find out. The buyers didn't even send a repair addendum, but instead just cancelled their offer completely, which was a big blow. We debated what to do for a while but ultimately decided it was worth it to re-do the roof, repair the attic, and get a new swamp cooler. This has all been done now and the house is still up on the market with the new changes listed, but the showings have slowed way down and we haven't seemed to have much interest. This of course is stressing me out, but I am trying to maintain faith in the Lord's timing. Really, the first offer falling through seemed okay because the timing to have us move would have been horrendous- right in the middle of all my final papers, my taking my licensing exam, and another sadness that I will get to.

Anyway, so now we are waiting to sell our house again before moving to north. Devin is really good not to complain, as I mentioned, because he is bearing the brunt of the hardship right now with the commute and all his work hours. He is in good spirits though because he loves what he does. I am so happy for that. He deserves to be able to do something that he enjoys and that he is good at. I don't know if I mentioned what he is doing either, so I best do that. Devin got a job at a country club in Davis County. He gets to work on the grounds and specifically works with the pesticide (is that the right word honey?) and this big machine that he thinks is pretty cool but dyes his pants green. And they have to wear khakis there since it's an uppity country club. Who wears khakis to work on the grounds? I have a feeling he is going to go through a few pairs of those in his day.

Anyway, while Devin began his job, I was still at my internship 20 hours per week, so we had a child care dilemma. Luckily, my amazing cousin Sarah stepped in to help. She took Jace and Hals three days per week so I could finish and Che' took them on Thursdays while I was at school. It was so nice to be able to leave them with people I completely trust and that I know love my kids. They were in amazing care. Sarah took them swimming at least once per week, took them to the new aquarium, to play places, out to McDonalds, to the park, the list goes on and on. Now they think I am boring and want Sarah to come back to play. Sarah and Daniel are now moving to Las Vegas for a great job for him, but I am super bummed (despite my happiness for them) because it is so nice to have family close by. They truly became our closest friends, too. We will miss them so much. Anyway, so with their help, I finally finished my internship hours. I was sad and happy to leave there. I realllly loved the work I did there (clients with substance abuse addictions), but I had a really hard time with some of the other staff's personalities there and the way the program was run. I won't say much more than that. :) On my last day there, a drug court case manager that I had worked with and had gotten to know (we had staff meetings each week and had mutual clients) told me that she thought I was an incredible intern and that she can tell that I have the "therapeutic mojo". She said that some people just have the right personality fit for this field and she said that she can tell that I am one of them. It was one of the nicest compliments I have ever gotten. I never want to come across as bragging of course, but I do feel that this is the right field for me. I know that one of my talents that I have been blessed with (and it took me a long time to figure this out...I spent a lot of years thinking I had no talents because so many others have such visible talents) is the ability to connect with other people. I can connect with most people and I think help them feel secure. I don't know how my therapy skills are...but at least I can make them feel comfortable, I think!

I am totally rambling here.....read on if you dare.

In the midst of all the sheer craziness that is described above, I found out that I was pregnant. This was something we had planned on since we feel that there is one more child waiting for our family and Jace is already 3, so we didn't want to have too large of a gap between kids, especially if we are only having one more. I was super sick in the beginning and felt like I was dragging myself just to get through each day. I told a few close people, like the receptionist at my internship because she started noticing that I looked a little green some days. We didn't really tell anyone else, though some others suspected. I had my first appointment on a Friday in April. I dropped the kids off at Alisa's house, telling her that I was going to take my licensing exam (which I was, after the appointment). When I went to the Dr., everything seemed fine and they sent me down for a routine ultrasound just to check dates. When we did the ultrasound, I immediately suspected that something was wrong. The tech asked a lot of questions that indicated to me that this was a miscarriage. The doctor came in and confirmed it, basically saying that it looked like the baby had died a week and a half before. I hadn't had any symptoms or anything (and in fact had still been super sick) so this was unexpected. I held myself together long enough to get to the car and then cried all the way to my licensing exam. Talk about terrible timing. I went to lunch by myself to try to calm myself down, but that didn't really work as I called Devin and told him. I am sure the people around me were worried about the lady crying into her salad while sitting there by herself. Ha.

I made it to my test and to be honest, the first half was horrible. I knew I was prepared for this test; I had been studying for months and taken like 5 practice tests, all of which I had passed. I had four hours to take the test. The first half, I read and re-read every question probably 5 times because they just weren't registering. Everything seemed fuzzy. Oh, and just in case you wonder why I didn't just take it later- these tests are scheduled months in advance and you pay like $400 to take them, so if I missed it, I would get to pay that money again. No thanks. After half the test, I finally went out to take a break. I walked around the hall a little bit and then went into the bathroom and said a prayer. I felt like the only way I was legitimately going to pass the test was to ask for divine intervention. I went back in and the second half seemed like a breeze. It was crazy to note the difference. I had serious butterflies in my stomach when I pushed the submit button. I was really unsure about the result that was going to come up, but luckily, the word PASS came on to the screen. I know for certain that my passing was an act of God. I did not do that on my own. My head was not in it at all. I am so grateful though. Then I cried tears of gratitude the whole way home. :)

There is a lot more drama associated with the miscarriage, which I will try to sum up shortly (haha, shortly for me, never going to happen, I know).. Some of you may feel this is too personal to share on my blog, but I don't feel that it is. It is part of our family history and it is something that has not been overly emotionally traumatic for me. So, that night when I got home, the doctor called back and said that the radiologist had looked at my ultrasound pics and felt like it was still a viable pregnancy, but that I was earlier on than I thought I was. I tried not to get too hopeful about this, but of course I did. The doctor (who is an amazing man, by the way. I absolutely love my doctor. He called me literally every single night that week to see how I was doing) recommended that I go in for blood tests to check my HCG levels the next day (Saturday) and then again on Monday. I did both and he called me Monday to tell me that my HCG level had stayed nearly identical. I had totally predicted this to Devin. I said that I was going to have to make this as complicated as possible and I certainly did. Had it been a viable pregnancy, the number should have gone up alot, but if it was a definite miscarriage, it should have gone down. So the doctor said he was "98%" sure that it was miscarriage, but he was not 100%. He told me that he recommended I wait another week to see if it would pass on its own, or I could schedule a D&C if I wanted. I took one day to think about it and thought that a D&C was the way to go, since it had already been about 2 weeks since they predicted the baby had died and also because I was graduating in another week and a half and I wanted to have it over with before then. So I called him the next day to schedule the D&C for the next Monday, which was about 5 days away. He had me go in for another ultrasound that Friday just to be 100% sure that it was a miscarriage. That ultrasound took forever and was very in depth just to tell me what we already knew. Not fun. But finally, after a week and a half of ups and downs, I knew for certain. That was a relief.

So, nothing happened in those 5 days and so I went in for the D&C this past Monday. It wasn't bad, except for having to be at the hospital at 5:50 am. :) I don't remember any of it, of course, other than being wheeled into the operating room with some extremely loud rock music blaring and asking the nurse "whose choice in music is this!?" (Still don't know) and telling the anesthesiologist, "This bed is too skinny for me. What do you do with fat people?" (I think the drugs were already working by then...you know I get loopy!). I woke up a big mess of tears, which must mean I am grown up now because back in the day the anesthesia only made me really crazy. Now it makes me very weepy. I think I called a few people in the recovery room while I waited for Devin to come get me (he had to get the kids to school. And a big fat thanks to Devin's sister Alisa who came to our rescue more than once that week. She is such a lifesaver. Truly. Everyone needs one like her.) So I do apologize if I made some reckless phone calls to you while I was sitting there drugged up. I can't even remember now. The doctor also called later to give me some instructions and asked if I recalled our conversation in the recovery room. Um no. I hope it wasn't embarrassing. Probably was though,
which is why he was probably asking, to make sure I didn't mean any of what I said. Oh dear.

Recovery was fine, really no big issues at all. I was up and going the next day. I think the dirty diet cokes my neighbor so kindly supplied me with, the cupcakes and cookies from my dear friends, and the delicious dinner from my sister-in-law Kirston all helped.  I have some awesome people surrounding me and I am so grateful. I was glad to have chosen the D&C route. I think it was emotionally easier and I had control over the timeline, which helped considering I had a lot going on at the end of the week that I needed to be ready for.

Whew. Is that enough drama for one entry?

The kids are all alive and thriving. I should mention them here too since they are a large part of the family. Jace is as wild as ever and I am not sure what to do with him (just one example: He goes around yelling all the time "liar liar, girl on fire", although girl sounds more like geerl, or something... (WHERE DOES HE GET THIS?!)).  He can be very sweet too and those times make it extra worth it. Hallie is a sweet girl and such a helper. She is so kind hearted and I am grateful every day for her. She is reading really well with the help of her online preschool (since I am not that kind of mom to actually sit down and teach my kid to read. Thanks computer preschool!) Flor is learning and growing and really has calmed down with the help of ADHD medication that we have started her on. That was a really great decision that we made with the help and advice from other 1P36 Deletion Sydrome parents. Many said that the ADHD meds help their kids calm down, help them to concentrate better, and help them have fewer behaviors. All true for Flor, too. Lovin' it.

More to come on graduation, Easter, what else did I miss?

Also, Devin surprised me with a trip to San Francisco and Oakland next week (the 12th-16th) to see the BRAVES play!!!!! I am so excited. He is the best husband ever. I am really looking forward to some time away with just him. The kids will stay with my mom and sister. Wish them luck; they'll need it!

Thanks for hanging in there with me for this long and dreary entry on the blog. I feel better already. Life really is good.

Happy Birthday Jace (only 17 days late)

Jace's turned 3 on the 1st of March! We were in the midst of the craziness of trying to get our house listed, looking for a new car, school, work, etc. and so it was like Wednesday or Thursday before it even occurred to me that I should order a cake (his birthday was Saturday). Good thing I am super pro at ordering cakes. :) All he wanted was a Spiderman cake, so at least we came through on that. We decided like Friday that we would go to the Dinosaur Museum at Thanksgiving Point on Saturday morning and invited Sarah and Daniel to come with Josh.

The museum was great fun and the kids had a blast. It is super interactive, which is great for little kids. After spending a few hours there, we came home to have lunch. I bought some tamales off a lady on the street and we had those. We had no idea how they would taste, but they were super delicious. Winner.

Here are a few pictures of the event. I have got to get a new camera. I legitimately have no idea where my old camera is and I only use my phone, which is not the best because the quality suffers. Super convenient, but not the best quality for sure.

When he was busy at the museum and I'd ask him to smile, this was the face I'd get. Lovely.

I promise, Flor was there too! One picture as proof. Poor girl. She just wasn't as thrilled with the museum as the other kids.

Cute Josh. I thought I had better pictures of him, but apparently not.

Opening presents! He was just thrilllled with this train from Grandma Lisa. Favorite present by far.

Still looking at the train when he had other presents to open...

Hallie wanted to buy him a present, so she brought her own money and bought this at the grocery store while we were buying his cake. haha. Apparently he liked it though!

Blurry, but he is such a cheeser...

That is one cute face if I do say so myself.

A few things about Jace at 3:
Jace is a handful, wild boy, but can melt your heart so quickly the next minute. He is animated and makes the best facial expressions. He loves trains, trains, and more trains. He also loves to ride his wiggle car that he got for Christmas and is a real pro at it. He has picked up on learning things that I haven't taught him (probably from Hallie), like counting (he counts to 20 pretty well), spelling his name, etc. He loves to play games with the family and obliges Hallie and plays the cupcake princess game with her often. Jace and Hallie are the best of friends and they can play for hours together making up games. While Flor adores Jace, Jace is still rough with her sometimes. Lately, though, I have caught him hugging her and telling her things like "Hi cute Florinda" when he doesn't think I am looking. :) He really is sweet (except for when he's not...).

Jace is quite fond of telling everyone when we go places, "I pee my pants." This is true. The kids has no desire to go to the bathroom at all and must be reminded constantly to go to the bathroom. He gets red in the face and crouches down when he has to go and then continues on with his playing because he thinks he has surpressed the urge enough. I am telling you-- I have no idea what to do with him. He is well aware of when he needs to go, he'd just rather not. Never had this issue with Hallie...so not sure where to go from here. I am hoping it is a phase he'll grow out of. Right, moms, right?

Okay and we'll end with some Jace-isms:

During his prayers:
*"Please bless the green bananas to turn yellow"
*"please bless that we can eat cereal in the morning."
*"Please bless Grandpa Dave to give me doggy jammies."

In church, very loudly,
"Mommy, I play with your hair. I make it Beeeuuuuuutiful!"

After I explained one day that he is named after Uncle Chris, who is a good man, and that he should be a good man like Uncle Chris (this came after a particularly naughty day), he went around telling everyone, "When I died, I went to heaven just like Uncle Chris!" He caught the wrong part of that story....

At church, every time he has to use the potty, he sits on there and then goes over every letter on the toilet paper holder as follows, "What letter is this mom?" "You tell me, Jace." "okay, R." He goes through each letter that way and gets them all right. I am super proud mom that about the only thing he can spell is "ROLLMASTR".

I obviously need to be better at keeping track of these! He is a funny kid.

We love our 3 year old big boy!

Flor's Testimony

I am glad that I have this little space to record little stories about the kids as they happen. Here is one such story about Flor.

I am in the primary presidency in our ward, so I get to sit in primary with Flor (and Hals) each week. This week, the primary president, my friend Annie, taught the kids a lesson about having a strong testimony. She brought in lego blocks with different ways to build your testimony written on them. The kids build a solid base and then a big tower with the blocks to represent their testimonies. At the end, Annie asked the kids, "Are our testimonies done growing? Or, like this tower, can you keep building them up? Does anyone think their testimony is done growing right now?" No one in the room raised their hands, except Flor, and she raised both of her hands high in the air. A girl in the class behind her tried to help her put her hands down, but Flor gave her a kind of crusty look and then raised both of her hands high in the air again. She was quite proud.

While funny, I also thought this story was symbolic of the truth of the matter. Flor probably does have a perfect testimony of Jesus Christ and of the gifts He has given us. I know she came to Earth in the state that she did for a reason and that she will be able to express that perfect testimony to us someday.

A Little Homework

I am taking a class called "Growing from Trauma Life Experiences" this semester and I am loving it. It is online, it is super relevant, and it is not too hard, so what's not to like?! We had to do this assignment a few weeks ago and I just got my grade back, so I was re-reading over it. I thought it was worthwhile to post it on the blog since down the road, this may be a venue where my kids can get to know me in a different way. I hope they know I love them, even though I talk about how hard parenting is multiple times! Ha! Reality, right? 

You wanna do it too? Post it on your blog! I bet your family down the road will love it. 

“My Questions about my Self-Esteem”

• What do I like or value about myself? I like that I am a person who values connections with other people. I like that I am easy to get along with and that I can generally see the good in others. I like that I am not judgmental and that I am slow to label or otherwise make someone feel like they are less than me. I like that I can generally see two sides of most issues and that I don’t see the world as black and white.
• What do I do to take care of my physical self (my body)? This is an area where I could definitely be doing more. I eat relatively healthy, though I try to embrace a motto of balance in my life. So while meals are generally prepared with fresh foods, fruits, and vegetables, I am also not opposed to having dessert and treats every so often.  I take care of my physical self by paying attention to self-care and not allowing myself to push my body too hard. I enjoy relaxing in the bathtub and reading a good book and getting enough sleep is always a priority for me.
• What do I do to take care of myself emotionally? I tend to put others emotional needs before my own. However, I do talk with my husband and others quite frequently about what is going on in my life and what I am thinking and feeling. I have always been good about sharing how I feel and not masking what is really going on with me. Talking authentically about my life experiences is one major way that I take care of myself emotionally.
• What do I do to reward myself, and how and when do I do it? Well this is going to seem silly, but I often reward myself with diet coke or other drinks that I like. I also reward myself by allowing myself to take social media breaks in the middle of studying, to take baths when I need to relax, or to read for pleasure occasionally instead of just reading text books.
• When and how do I devalue myself or cut myself down? The biggest area in which I do this is probably in the area of physical looks. I have always been critical of my appearance, though that has improved drastically in recent years. I do make comments quite often to my husband about how bad I must look. I am trying to be more conscious of this, especially in regards to body image, as I have daughters and I don’t want them to learn that their value comes from how their body looks. I also devalue my own skills and abilities sometimes, especially in regards to my current practicum experience. I sometimes feel there that I don’t know enough or that I am not doing enough to show that I am a competent and contributing therapist.
• What are my hopes and dreams? I want to raise strong and confident children and to continue to develop positive relationships with them and with my husband throughout life. I want to give to the world out there. What form that takes, I don’t know. But I have a giving heart and I want to be able to make a difference in both my personal life and my professional life. I would like to adopt another child someday (we adopted one from Ecuador) who has special needs or other needs that prevent him/her from being easily adopted.
• What are my realistic expectations of myself? I think my realistic expectations are that I continue to grow and learn in life and to become a more authentic and genuine version of myself. I also think that it is realistic to expect that I continue to nurture relationships with my family members and others with whom I am close in life. I also think that I should be continually learning and progressing in my professional development and becoming more competent as time goes by in my clinical skills.
• What are my unrealistic expectations for myself? Sometimes I beat myself up for not being the most patient mother or spouse. I think that I need to be better, which translates to being “perfect” and that is never going to happen. I need to let go of the expectations that perfect parenting is going to happen for me, because it is not. I also need to let go of the expectations that I can please everyone and that I can make a difference in the lives of those that I work with. Sometimes that will happen and other times it won’t, and that’s okay.
• In what situations do I have a sense of humor? I think I have a sense of humor in most life situations. How can you get through life without that? I laugh all the time at my practicum, at home with my husband, and in conversations with friends and family. The one area where I tend to lack humor (so far) is parenting. It is stressful and much harder for me to see the lightheartedness in it sometimes. That is kind of sad to admit; since that is probably the one place I should have the greatest sense of humor. It is just hard to laugh when you are cleaning up poop for the 5^th time that day. J
• When and How do I show love and affection? I show love and affection to my husband daily through physical touch, through emotional connection, and by serving him. I show my kids affection daily by telling them that I love them, by playing with them even when I don’t want to, by reading to them, and by hugging and kissing them. I can improve in both areas with showing love and affection because my home growing up was lacking in this area.  My parents did not show physical affection, nor did they verbalize affection very often. So while it has sometimes unnatural and sometimes even awkward to me, I have practiced a lot in the last few years so that it feels more natural. I also show affection to others outside my immediate family, particularly through service.
• Where do I find hope? I find hope in everyday miracles, big and small. The story of the Lost Boys, for example, was so awe inspiring and produced so much hope in me that even in the worst of circumstances, the human spirit can and does triumph. I love watching the inspirational videos of all kinds online because I love to see the hope found in humans all over the world. I find hope in the little acts of kindness around me, the smiles on the faces of people I meet, and in the faces of my kids.
• Under what circumstances am I open and honest about my feelings? Pretty much always. I am not usually one to sugar coat life or the experiences therein. For example, when we adopted our daughter, she was 7 and has severe special needs. I think when people asked me the question, “how is it going?” they expected me to tell them that it was great. I never did that and I still don’t. I tell people how things really are and how they are affecting me, of course on a more surface level with those I am not as close to and on a deeper level with those that I am close to. In being honest with my feelings, I think it opens the door for others to do the same with me and that is a way that we connect as humans- by sharing experiences and feelings.
• Do I help others feel good about themselves, even when I feel bad about myself? I definitely try to do this, however this is an area where I can use some improvement. When I am down and not feeling good, it seems like I am more prone to not wanting others to be happy too. I see the error in my thinking, but it is still hard to celebrate with others and their achievements sometimes when I feel like I am not doing enough or not achieving enough in life.

Curveballs in Life

Sometimes life goes the way we plan it to. Most of the time it doesn't.

We are in a phase of life that I can just describe as sheer craziness. There are a lot of unanswered questions, but we have a new path and one that I feel is right and good for our family. Devin accepted a job this week at a country club up north a bit. This is fantastic news because it is just the type of job that he wants to do, plus it is in Utah still, which means that I can continue to do what I have been building for the last few months- which is the Utah Adoption Specialists business. This new job for Devin seems to be a big blessing and I am trying to view it totally that way, because honestly, we have seen very few jobs posted of this type in Utah and we have been looking for years! So, it feels like a big blessing from Heavenly Father and I am first and foremost acknowledging it as such.

Of course there are always worries with every new step we take in life. This job only offers benefits after 1 year, so that means that Devin will need to keep his current job as well in order to maintain benefits. He only needs to work 24 hours a week there for benefits, so three shifts, but still- 3 shifts on top of an already full-time job is a lot! He has done it before, though not for a year. He will hopefully transfer up to a store closer to where we will be so that he can do away with the commute once we move. Also, his start date is March 17, which is VERY soon. I am committed to my internship down here until the end of April, so we are going to have some overlap there. He will be commuting each day, about an hour each way, and then we will have to get childcare for Hallie and Jace during the day for those 5-6 weeks. I'll just have to be home by the time Flor gets off the bus so that we won't have issues there.

We also are getting ready to list our house and look for a new home up near Devin's new job. We have been running around like crazy people trying to get the house in order to list it. We have been re-doing the basement, including painting it, doing baseboards, and getting new carpet. We also need to replace part of a fence in our backyard and re-paint the kitchen and then we will be ready to list the house. It is nerve-wracking doing that too because we want to get some money out of our house, especially given that we have now completely remodeled the whole thing, but we also want/need to sell it quickly. So finding that balance of the right price is going to be tricky, I think.

I am also sad about leaving where we live. It honestly took me years to adjust to our neighborhood and ward. I didn't feel like I quite fit in for a long time, but now the thought of leaving the comfort here and the good people that we have come to truly know and love is hard. I don't do well with change, so I can imagine that it is going to be emotional for me. I hope that we can find a new great neighborhood and a new great ward. I of course worry about schools for Flor (and for Hals who will be starting kindergarten in the fall!) and making sure that we can meet her complex needs.

The other thing that will be weird- at least for a time- is that I won't be working, other than running my business from home. Do you know how weird this will be? I have had a job (like show up to a location type job) since I was 15 years old. I have never been a full-time, stay-at-home mom and that honestly scares me quite a bit because I know myself well enough to know that I am the best mom I can be when I have a little time outside of the home. So...wish me luck (and the kids!) on that one. Luckily, with my business, I will still get to escape in order to visit couple's homes for interviews. So that's a good thing. I'll just coordinate those around Devin's schedule as much as possible.

I do want to find a part-time job again at some point, primarily because I want to work toward my LCSW. I am studying now for the licensure exam (another thing on the list to do!) to become a CSW- a certified social worker.  I can take that anytime and graduate with the license. However, I then need to work 4000 supervised hours in doing clinical work in order to obtain my L- a licensed clinical social worker. This is a big deal because once you have the L, you can practice completely on your own without supervision.  I need supervision as a CSW in order to get the L, and I really do enjoy clinical work, so I will look into that sometime down the road. Right now it is not that pressing. I enjoy so many things in my field that I imagine I will be happy doing anything as long as it is challenging and something I feel that I can contribute to. I have LOVED my internship in the addiction/substance abuse arena and I really didn't even think I was going to like it. I initially chose it for convenience sake only, but I have learned an immense amount and it is an area where I think I would feel comfortable practicing. However, I enjoy all different populations and types of issues, so like I said...whatever comes my way, I think I can be happy doing it. Down the road though... I have to try not to get to eager about that. haha.

We have some things we are working on with Flor too, but I will write more about that at another time (Like there is ever even a guarantee that I will write on the blog at all. I know it has been so hit and miss these days! But just think about how much I may be blogging once I am home more often...I may annoy you to death.)

Anyway, if the two of you who still read my blog would pray for us during this transition time and especially with the sale of our house and keeping sane during the next crazy few months, that would be ever so lovely!

Snapshots of Life

I feel a terrible sense of guilt that I don't keep up with this blog as often as I used to. It is like an old friend that carries a lot of my memories, but that I can't keep in touch with as often as I would like. I especially feel bad that Jace and Flor's childhoods are not being recorded nearly as well as Hallie's was in the beginning (and well, I guess that means that hers is not being recorded now very well either). 

Anyway, here are a few snapshots from February of life. These pretty much encompass what life is for me right now: 

Devin working on my Primary Sharing Time lesson. Isn't he the greatest? Yeah- him working on my lesson. It works well that way.

Can't get enough of this handsome face. The attitude, however, I can do without. I gotta admit though, Jace is a funny one. One small story for posterity's sake: Jace has a really hard time sitting still at church. We have to pull out all the tricks for him, especially because our church is during his nap time this year. Last week, he was sitting on my lap and he told me that he wanted to play with my hair. I told him that was fine since I thought maybe it would keep him quiet for am minute. He started pushing the back of my hair over my eyes and said loudly, "Mom, I am going to make you beee-u-teee-full!" There was a full four rows of laughter behind us. What a ham.

I love the nighttime routine with the kids. It is really sometimes the only quality time I have with them in a day. No matter how busy the day is, though, I make sure that we eat dinner together, read scriptures, read stories, pray together, (sometimes listen to music or sing and dance), (sometimes play games), and talk about our days. I love this time with the kids. Recently, they have requested to go outside and look at the stars for some reason, so we have done that a few times too. I am one lucky mom to have these three, eh?

My awesome and amazing sister-in-law cut my hair (and everyone else's in the family-- what a saint!) and she gave me bangs! Aren't they cute? I have struggled some days to get them to look quite as good as Alisa does, but I am getting the hang of it finally, maybe. Two + weeks later- no big deal! 

This girl. Not even sure what to do with her naughty-ness sometimes, but we won't go there. Instead, I will tell you that we are working on vocalizing sounds and that she is quite good at it! If she really tries hard, she can make what sounds like "dada". She gets very proud of herself and thinks it is great that she gets so much praise and attention for it. 

Hals at the Kindergarten fair at the doctor's office! She is almost a kindergartner...what?! She loved getting her face painted and playing carnival games. It totally made getting shots worth it. She was brave and didn't even cry. The doctor asked her to count to 10 (10?? Don't most two year olds know how to count to 10) and to say her full name and say the abcs. She passed-- the only thing she didn't know is her address. My fault- we have never worked on that. Hals is a little smarty pants and is really getting the hang of reading now. She can read simple kids books and likes to read to Jace if he will sit still long enough. Some days she really wants to read a lot and other days she cries and throws a fit if I ask her to read to me. Can't figure that out...Oh and she was 90% for height and weight at the doctor's. No surprise there.

When I am watching movies for one of my online classes (Yes, movies, I know it is such a hard life)- I have been doing puzzles still and I love it! It is so relaxing for me. I don't have a whole ton of down time, but when I do-- I might just be doing puzzles all.the.time. Who knew?

My fellow UAS workers and I made a trek down to St. George (well Koleen, Lauren, and I did- Krystal lives there) to help market the area. We took brochures and business cards around to a lot of attorneys, doctor's offices, infertility centers. etc. We had a really positive response and that was encouraging! So hopefully Krystal starts getting a ton of business down there! :) I love these ladies and I feel so blessed that I get to be part of this project with them. Also, yes, I know I am the only one not wearing a skirt. I did not get the memo....

And that's life. Only 9ish more weeks of school. Not that I am counting down, but it sure will be nice when it is over!!