My poor little neglected blog

I haven't been this long without blogging since I began, I am pretty sure. I have a lot to back up and catch up on, but that may happen and it may not. Onward and upward I guess. I wouldn't worry about it too much because really I think hardly anyone reads the blog anymore (and I am okay with that), but it is really the only way I keep a historical record of any sort for my family. I used to be such a great journaler in high school, and now when it matters, I am not at all. I am so glad I have 17 journals full of random ramblings about various boys and what I did on weekends, though. If you're ever bored, come on over and I'll read some to you. Quality entertainment.

Anyway, these past few months have been among the most stressful and crazy that I can remember. Maybe there have been other periods in life that have been this stressful, but I have blocked them out. So, now, while I should be writing a home study, I am instead going to do a little writing therapy, since that tends to help.

I have so much to be grateful for and I want to start with that first. I am so incredibly blessed. I graduated yesterday with my Master's Degree. It feels surreal to say that. I have had this as a goal for a long, long time and now that I have actually achieved it, it seems almost like it didn't happen. I am sure the reality will set in. Devin has been such a big support and has truly sacrificed so much for me this year as I pursued this goal. I love him so incredibly much, it's hard to describe. I am so grateful for all that he does for me and count my blessings every day that he is mine. He is an incredible husband. Sure he has faults, but his goodness far outweighs any faults that he has. I'm blessed.

Devin started his new job about a month and a half ago & is loving it so far. There was a little stress with that for a minute, but it seems to be resolving itself and for that we are grateful. What we are not loving is the commute. The poor man is commuting 10 hours a week or so in addition to the already full weeks he works. He is a trooper though and doesn't complain like I have a tendency to do....I don't even know what I mentioned here as far as our house goes. The house was listed about two months ago and we had an offer within two weeks. We felt amazingly blessed....that is until the house inspection happened and we found out that we had water damage in our attic, that we needed a new roof, and that we needed a new swamp cooler (the culprit causing all the damage). UGH. This was super stressful to find out. The buyers didn't even send a repair addendum, but instead just cancelled their offer completely, which was a big blow. We debated what to do for a while but ultimately decided it was worth it to re-do the roof, repair the attic, and get a new swamp cooler. This has all been done now and the house is still up on the market with the new changes listed, but the showings have slowed way down and we haven't seemed to have much interest. This of course is stressing me out, but I am trying to maintain faith in the Lord's timing. Really, the first offer falling through seemed okay because the timing to have us move would have been horrendous- right in the middle of all my final papers, my taking my licensing exam, and another sadness that I will get to.

Anyway, so now we are waiting to sell our house again before moving to north. Devin is really good not to complain, as I mentioned, because he is bearing the brunt of the hardship right now with the commute and all his work hours. He is in good spirits though because he loves what he does. I am so happy for that. He deserves to be able to do something that he enjoys and that he is good at. I don't know if I mentioned what he is doing either, so I best do that. Devin got a job at a country club in Davis County. He gets to work on the grounds and specifically works with the pesticide (is that the right word honey?) and this big machine that he thinks is pretty cool but dyes his pants green. And they have to wear khakis there since it's an uppity country club. Who wears khakis to work on the grounds? I have a feeling he is going to go through a few pairs of those in his day.

Anyway, while Devin began his job, I was still at my internship 20 hours per week, so we had a child care dilemma. Luckily, my amazing cousin Sarah stepped in to help. She took Jace and Hals three days per week so I could finish and Che' took them on Thursdays while I was at school. It was so nice to be able to leave them with people I completely trust and that I know love my kids. They were in amazing care. Sarah took them swimming at least once per week, took them to the new aquarium, to play places, out to McDonalds, to the park, the list goes on and on. Now they think I am boring and want Sarah to come back to play. Sarah and Daniel are now moving to Las Vegas for a great job for him, but I am super bummed (despite my happiness for them) because it is so nice to have family close by. They truly became our closest friends, too. We will miss them so much. Anyway, so with their help, I finally finished my internship hours. I was sad and happy to leave there. I realllly loved the work I did there (clients with substance abuse addictions), but I had a really hard time with some of the other staff's personalities there and the way the program was run. I won't say much more than that. :) On my last day there, a drug court case manager that I had worked with and had gotten to know (we had staff meetings each week and had mutual clients) told me that she thought I was an incredible intern and that she can tell that I have the "therapeutic mojo". She said that some people just have the right personality fit for this field and she said that she can tell that I am one of them. It was one of the nicest compliments I have ever gotten. I never want to come across as bragging of course, but I do feel that this is the right field for me. I know that one of my talents that I have been blessed with (and it took me a long time to figure this out...I spent a lot of years thinking I had no talents because so many others have such visible talents) is the ability to connect with other people. I can connect with most people and I think help them feel secure. I don't know how my therapy skills are...but at least I can make them feel comfortable, I think!

I am totally rambling here.....read on if you dare.

In the midst of all the sheer craziness that is described above, I found out that I was pregnant. This was something we had planned on since we feel that there is one more child waiting for our family and Jace is already 3, so we didn't want to have too large of a gap between kids, especially if we are only having one more. I was super sick in the beginning and felt like I was dragging myself just to get through each day. I told a few close people, like the receptionist at my internship because she started noticing that I looked a little green some days. We didn't really tell anyone else, though some others suspected. I had my first appointment on a Friday in April. I dropped the kids off at Alisa's house, telling her that I was going to take my licensing exam (which I was, after the appointment). When I went to the Dr., everything seemed fine and they sent me down for a routine ultrasound just to check dates. When we did the ultrasound, I immediately suspected that something was wrong. The tech asked a lot of questions that indicated to me that this was a miscarriage. The doctor came in and confirmed it, basically saying that it looked like the baby had died a week and a half before. I hadn't had any symptoms or anything (and in fact had still been super sick) so this was unexpected. I held myself together long enough to get to the car and then cried all the way to my licensing exam. Talk about terrible timing. I went to lunch by myself to try to calm myself down, but that didn't really work as I called Devin and told him. I am sure the people around me were worried about the lady crying into her salad while sitting there by herself. Ha.

I made it to my test and to be honest, the first half was horrible. I knew I was prepared for this test; I had been studying for months and taken like 5 practice tests, all of which I had passed. I had four hours to take the test. The first half, I read and re-read every question probably 5 times because they just weren't registering. Everything seemed fuzzy. Oh, and just in case you wonder why I didn't just take it later- these tests are scheduled months in advance and you pay like $400 to take them, so if I missed it, I would get to pay that money again. No thanks. After half the test, I finally went out to take a break. I walked around the hall a little bit and then went into the bathroom and said a prayer. I felt like the only way I was legitimately going to pass the test was to ask for divine intervention. I went back in and the second half seemed like a breeze. It was crazy to note the difference. I had serious butterflies in my stomach when I pushed the submit button. I was really unsure about the result that was going to come up, but luckily, the word PASS came on to the screen. I know for certain that my passing was an act of God. I did not do that on my own. My head was not in it at all. I am so grateful though. Then I cried tears of gratitude the whole way home. :)

There is a lot more drama associated with the miscarriage, which I will try to sum up shortly (haha, shortly for me, never going to happen, I know).. Some of you may feel this is too personal to share on my blog, but I don't feel that it is. It is part of our family history and it is something that has not been overly emotionally traumatic for me. So, that night when I got home, the doctor called back and said that the radiologist had looked at my ultrasound pics and felt like it was still a viable pregnancy, but that I was earlier on than I thought I was. I tried not to get too hopeful about this, but of course I did. The doctor (who is an amazing man, by the way. I absolutely love my doctor. He called me literally every single night that week to see how I was doing) recommended that I go in for blood tests to check my HCG levels the next day (Saturday) and then again on Monday. I did both and he called me Monday to tell me that my HCG level had stayed nearly identical. I had totally predicted this to Devin. I said that I was going to have to make this as complicated as possible and I certainly did. Had it been a viable pregnancy, the number should have gone up alot, but if it was a definite miscarriage, it should have gone down. So the doctor said he was "98%" sure that it was miscarriage, but he was not 100%. He told me that he recommended I wait another week to see if it would pass on its own, or I could schedule a D&C if I wanted. I took one day to think about it and thought that a D&C was the way to go, since it had already been about 2 weeks since they predicted the baby had died and also because I was graduating in another week and a half and I wanted to have it over with before then. So I called him the next day to schedule the D&C for the next Monday, which was about 5 days away. He had me go in for another ultrasound that Friday just to be 100% sure that it was a miscarriage. That ultrasound took forever and was very in depth just to tell me what we already knew. Not fun. But finally, after a week and a half of ups and downs, I knew for certain. That was a relief.

So, nothing happened in those 5 days and so I went in for the D&C this past Monday. It wasn't bad, except for having to be at the hospital at 5:50 am. :) I don't remember any of it, of course, other than being wheeled into the operating room with some extremely loud rock music blaring and asking the nurse "whose choice in music is this!?" (Still don't know) and telling the anesthesiologist, "This bed is too skinny for me. What do you do with fat people?" (I think the drugs were already working by then...you know I get loopy!). I woke up a big mess of tears, which must mean I am grown up now because back in the day the anesthesia only made me really crazy. Now it makes me very weepy. I think I called a few people in the recovery room while I waited for Devin to come get me (he had to get the kids to school. And a big fat thanks to Devin's sister Alisa who came to our rescue more than once that week. She is such a lifesaver. Truly. Everyone needs one like her.) So I do apologize if I made some reckless phone calls to you while I was sitting there drugged up. I can't even remember now. The doctor also called later to give me some instructions and asked if I recalled our conversation in the recovery room. Um no. I hope it wasn't embarrassing. Probably was though,
which is why he was probably asking, to make sure I didn't mean any of what I said. Oh dear.

Recovery was fine, really no big issues at all. I was up and going the next day. I think the dirty diet cokes my neighbor so kindly supplied me with, the cupcakes and cookies from my dear friends, and the delicious dinner from my sister-in-law Kirston all helped.  I have some awesome people surrounding me and I am so grateful. I was glad to have chosen the D&C route. I think it was emotionally easier and I had control over the timeline, which helped considering I had a lot going on at the end of the week that I needed to be ready for.

Whew. Is that enough drama for one entry?

The kids are all alive and thriving. I should mention them here too since they are a large part of the family. Jace is as wild as ever and I am not sure what to do with him (just one example: He goes around yelling all the time "liar liar, girl on fire", although girl sounds more like geerl, or something... (WHERE DOES HE GET THIS?!)).  He can be very sweet too and those times make it extra worth it. Hallie is a sweet girl and such a helper. She is so kind hearted and I am grateful every day for her. She is reading really well with the help of her online preschool (since I am not that kind of mom to actually sit down and teach my kid to read. Thanks computer preschool!) Flor is learning and growing and really has calmed down with the help of ADHD medication that we have started her on. That was a really great decision that we made with the help and advice from other 1P36 Deletion Sydrome parents. Many said that the ADHD meds help their kids calm down, help them to concentrate better, and help them have fewer behaviors. All true for Flor, too. Lovin' it.

More to come on graduation, Easter, what else did I miss?

Also, Devin surprised me with a trip to San Francisco and Oakland next week (the 12th-16th) to see the BRAVES play!!!!! I am so excited. He is the best husband ever. I am really looking forward to some time away with just him. The kids will stay with my mom and sister. Wish them luck; they'll need it!

Thanks for hanging in there with me for this long and dreary entry on the blog. I feel better already. Life really is good.