A Little Homework

I am taking a class called "Growing from Trauma Life Experiences" this semester and I am loving it. It is online, it is super relevant, and it is not too hard, so what's not to like?! We had to do this assignment a few weeks ago and I just got my grade back, so I was re-reading over it. I thought it was worthwhile to post it on the blog since down the road, this may be a venue where my kids can get to know me in a different way. I hope they know I love them, even though I talk about how hard parenting is multiple times! Ha! Reality, right? 

You wanna do it too? Post it on your blog! I bet your family down the road will love it. 

“My Questions about my Self-Esteem”

• What do I like or value about myself? I like that I am a person who values connections with other people. I like that I am easy to get along with and that I can generally see the good in others. I like that I am not judgmental and that I am slow to label or otherwise make someone feel like they are less than me. I like that I can generally see two sides of most issues and that I don’t see the world as black and white.
• What do I do to take care of my physical self (my body)? This is an area where I could definitely be doing more. I eat relatively healthy, though I try to embrace a motto of balance in my life. So while meals are generally prepared with fresh foods, fruits, and vegetables, I am also not opposed to having dessert and treats every so often.  I take care of my physical self by paying attention to self-care and not allowing myself to push my body too hard. I enjoy relaxing in the bathtub and reading a good book and getting enough sleep is always a priority for me.
• What do I do to take care of myself emotionally? I tend to put others emotional needs before my own. However, I do talk with my husband and others quite frequently about what is going on in my life and what I am thinking and feeling. I have always been good about sharing how I feel and not masking what is really going on with me. Talking authentically about my life experiences is one major way that I take care of myself emotionally.
• What do I do to reward myself, and how and when do I do it? Well this is going to seem silly, but I often reward myself with diet coke or other drinks that I like. I also reward myself by allowing myself to take social media breaks in the middle of studying, to take baths when I need to relax, or to read for pleasure occasionally instead of just reading text books.
• When and how do I devalue myself or cut myself down? The biggest area in which I do this is probably in the area of physical looks. I have always been critical of my appearance, though that has improved drastically in recent years. I do make comments quite often to my husband about how bad I must look. I am trying to be more conscious of this, especially in regards to body image, as I have daughters and I don’t want them to learn that their value comes from how their body looks. I also devalue my own skills and abilities sometimes, especially in regards to my current practicum experience. I sometimes feel there that I don’t know enough or that I am not doing enough to show that I am a competent and contributing therapist.
• What are my hopes and dreams? I want to raise strong and confident children and to continue to develop positive relationships with them and with my husband throughout life. I want to give to the world out there. What form that takes, I don’t know. But I have a giving heart and I want to be able to make a difference in both my personal life and my professional life. I would like to adopt another child someday (we adopted one from Ecuador) who has special needs or other needs that prevent him/her from being easily adopted.
• What are my realistic expectations of myself? I think my realistic expectations are that I continue to grow and learn in life and to become a more authentic and genuine version of myself. I also think that it is realistic to expect that I continue to nurture relationships with my family members and others with whom I am close in life. I also think that I should be continually learning and progressing in my professional development and becoming more competent as time goes by in my clinical skills.
• What are my unrealistic expectations for myself? Sometimes I beat myself up for not being the most patient mother or spouse. I think that I need to be better, which translates to being “perfect” and that is never going to happen. I need to let go of the expectations that perfect parenting is going to happen for me, because it is not. I also need to let go of the expectations that I can please everyone and that I can make a difference in the lives of those that I work with. Sometimes that will happen and other times it won’t, and that’s okay.
• In what situations do I have a sense of humor? I think I have a sense of humor in most life situations. How can you get through life without that? I laugh all the time at my practicum, at home with my husband, and in conversations with friends and family. The one area where I tend to lack humor (so far) is parenting. It is stressful and much harder for me to see the lightheartedness in it sometimes. That is kind of sad to admit; since that is probably the one place I should have the greatest sense of humor. It is just hard to laugh when you are cleaning up poop for the 5^th time that day. J
• When and How do I show love and affection? I show love and affection to my husband daily through physical touch, through emotional connection, and by serving him. I show my kids affection daily by telling them that I love them, by playing with them even when I don’t want to, by reading to them, and by hugging and kissing them. I can improve in both areas with showing love and affection because my home growing up was lacking in this area.  My parents did not show physical affection, nor did they verbalize affection very often. So while it has sometimes unnatural and sometimes even awkward to me, I have practiced a lot in the last few years so that it feels more natural. I also show affection to others outside my immediate family, particularly through service.
• Where do I find hope? I find hope in everyday miracles, big and small. The story of the Lost Boys, for example, was so awe inspiring and produced so much hope in me that even in the worst of circumstances, the human spirit can and does triumph. I love watching the inspirational videos of all kinds online because I love to see the hope found in humans all over the world. I find hope in the little acts of kindness around me, the smiles on the faces of people I meet, and in the faces of my kids.
• Under what circumstances am I open and honest about my feelings? Pretty much always. I am not usually one to sugar coat life or the experiences therein. For example, when we adopted our daughter, she was 7 and has severe special needs. I think when people asked me the question, “how is it going?” they expected me to tell them that it was great. I never did that and I still don’t. I tell people how things really are and how they are affecting me, of course on a more surface level with those I am not as close to and on a deeper level with those that I am close to. In being honest with my feelings, I think it opens the door for others to do the same with me and that is a way that we connect as humans- by sharing experiences and feelings.
• Do I help others feel good about themselves, even when I feel bad about myself? I definitely try to do this, however this is an area where I can use some improvement. When I am down and not feeling good, it seems like I am more prone to not wanting others to be happy too. I see the error in my thinking, but it is still hard to celebrate with others and their achievements sometimes when I feel like I am not doing enough or not achieving enough in life.