Just a little update. I called on our I-800 form today and it hasn't been received by our immigration officer yet...though it did arrive in the lockbox on the 14th of November. Our officer let us know that she is a little backed up, so we probably will not get approval until early next week. Sigh. Like I said before, any little delay that can happen will happen it seems. After that approval, we can book our plane tickets for about 2 1/2 weeks later.
On one hand, I really want to get there NOW, but on the other, I am okay being here for Christmas. I must tell you, our lives are almost 100% revolving around the adoption right now. So much so that we are not even decorating for Christmas. We don't have the energy for it & don't want to leave it all up until February when we get home since we will probably leave right after Christmas. We re-arranged Hallie's room yesterday so that it is all ready to for her and MF when we get back. I ordered some cute matching twin bedding sets for them for a steal of a deal from Kohls (yay for Cyber-Monday!) so as soon as that gets here, I will post some pictures. We also purchased her a few outfits on Black Friday (the first ones!) even though we don't know her sizes for sure. Leap of faith. It will be fine, right?
..................................................................................................................................................................
Now, for the first week results of our RAFFLE!
So far, we have had $675 donated!
There are quite a number of you who have donated, but not entered the Raffle. If you want to, please head on over and put your name in for a prize!
More than anything, I wish I could express how grateful we are. You must know how awkward it is for me to ask for help. This has been such a great lesson for me because I am more prone to try to figure things out on my own before asking for help. But, I had the impression come to me repeatedly to do this type of fundraising. In the beginning of the process, money was a major roadblock for me in going forward. I talked about that in THIS post, way back in the day when we were first getting going in the process.
Since then, the financial aspect has not plagued me nearly as much. I haven't ever known how it would all work out, but the quiet whisperings of the Spirit have come to me many times when I felt overwhelmed, that it would work out. Now I can see that the Spirit has also worked in the lives of other people, who have responded to the prompting to help us. We have received some very significant donations and many, many $5 donations. I know the Lord answers our prayers through other people and each of you have been those people, whether you have donated $5 or $1000. It is all important and meaningful to us. So, thank you. Again and again.
The raffle has one more week! Go and enter if you haven't yet & continue to spread the word!
November 28, 2011
November 23, 2011
A day of Thanks
Grandma and Grandpa Perry challenged us all to list one thing we are grateful for for every year of our lives. We have so much to be grateful for. The three speaking members of the family have come up with the following:
Hallie:
1) Jesus
2)MF
(see a theme here anyone?)
3) treats
Kim: (In no particular order)
1) My amazing husband. I can't say enough about how wonderful he is.
2) Quality time with my kids. I love nothing more than hearing my kids laugh together (this is a common sound in our house lately!) I love doing puzzles with Hallie, playing with Jace, and going to the park all together.
3) Good music. The Christmas kind in particular right now.
4) My education. I value so much that I am blessed to have been to college and that I can use my degree. My education provides me much fulfillment and happiness.
5) My upbringing. I had a charmed childhood and despite having some hardships, things could have been much worse for me. I am grateful for how I was raised, the friends I had, the area in which I was raised. So much to be grateful for.
6) The internet. So much information at our fingerprints. So many opportunities to get to know others and to spread good information. What the heck did we do before the internet existed?
7) My beautiful Hallie. She is full of zest and life. She is so funny and wild, yet she is also so sweet and tender-hearted,too.
8) Good books. I love reading and could spend insane amounts reading if I allowed myself.
9) The T.V. show "Chopped" (I think I am addicted)
10) Digital pictures. So convenient, such a great way to keep a history of our lives!
11) The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything I am is because of my belief in the Savior and the restored Gospel. I am blessed.
12) Getting mail. Good mail, not the junk kind. Checking the mail each day is definitely a highlight for me. I hate it when Devin gets to it before me!
13) Wonderful extended family members on both sides. I could not ask for more supportive parents, parents-in-law, siblings, siblings-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I just love them all.
14) My health. Devin's health. The kids' health. We take this for granted, but it is something I am truly grateful for.
15) The house I have to live in. It is nothing extravagant and a bit old (okay really old), but it is ours and we love it.
16) Oh, Jacer boy. What would I ever do without him? He is so stinkin' cute, rolly-polly, and brings such a light into our lives.
17) The Temple. It brings such peace and happiness in my life.
18) A supportive and loving ward family. I have great neighbors and friends who live by me.
19) Diet Coke. Sometimes you just need one, you know?
20) The country of Ecuador. I love it. It just holds such a special place in my heart. My OSSO friends. All still so special and important to me.
21) Coloring books. Crayons. Colored Pencils. Ahhhh, heaven.
22) Fun college memories. I can't believe some of the things we did to entertain ourselves now. Hilarious.
23) My MF. Isn't it apparent that I have such a love for this girl? I can hardly believe we are about to be re-united. I stay up at night wanting the day to come faster. I can't WAIT.
24) My job. I love that I get to know so many people. The couples and birth parents I work with are all so incredible and I often leave work thinking that I am blessed to have rubbed elbows with such good people.
25) My closest friends from high school. Kylee, Camille, Haylee, Anneka, Emily, Heidi, Jill. Never had a friendship like them, yet.
26) General Conference. I love the time that we get, twice per year, to listen to our modern day prophet and apostles.So wonderful.
Devin: (Also in no particular order)
1) Kim
2) Hallie
3)MF
4) Jace
5) Parents
6) Family
7) Extended family
8) Gospel
9) Atonement
10) Living Prophets
11) Book of Mormon
12) Basketball
13) Football
14) Family fun
15) Great friends
16) Being done with school
17) Bright future
18) Days off work
19) Vacation
20) House
21) Car
22) Food
23) Snow
24) Sunshine
25) Job
26) Heavenly Father's plan
Definitely can't tell who the wordy one in the family is!
We hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Hallie:
1) Jesus
2)MF
(see a theme here anyone?)
3) treats
Kim: (In no particular order)
1) My amazing husband. I can't say enough about how wonderful he is.
2) Quality time with my kids. I love nothing more than hearing my kids laugh together (this is a common sound in our house lately!) I love doing puzzles with Hallie, playing with Jace, and going to the park all together.
3) Good music. The Christmas kind in particular right now.
4) My education. I value so much that I am blessed to have been to college and that I can use my degree. My education provides me much fulfillment and happiness.
5) My upbringing. I had a charmed childhood and despite having some hardships, things could have been much worse for me. I am grateful for how I was raised, the friends I had, the area in which I was raised. So much to be grateful for.
6) The internet. So much information at our fingerprints. So many opportunities to get to know others and to spread good information. What the heck did we do before the internet existed?
7) My beautiful Hallie. She is full of zest and life. She is so funny and wild, yet she is also so sweet and tender-hearted,too.
8) Good books. I love reading and could spend insane amounts reading if I allowed myself.
9) The T.V. show "Chopped" (I think I am addicted)
10) Digital pictures. So convenient, such a great way to keep a history of our lives!
11) The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything I am is because of my belief in the Savior and the restored Gospel. I am blessed.
12) Getting mail. Good mail, not the junk kind. Checking the mail each day is definitely a highlight for me. I hate it when Devin gets to it before me!
13) Wonderful extended family members on both sides. I could not ask for more supportive parents, parents-in-law, siblings, siblings-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I just love them all.
14) My health. Devin's health. The kids' health. We take this for granted, but it is something I am truly grateful for.
15) The house I have to live in. It is nothing extravagant and a bit old (okay really old), but it is ours and we love it.
16) Oh, Jacer boy. What would I ever do without him? He is so stinkin' cute, rolly-polly, and brings such a light into our lives.
17) The Temple. It brings such peace and happiness in my life.
18) A supportive and loving ward family. I have great neighbors and friends who live by me.
19) Diet Coke. Sometimes you just need one, you know?
20) The country of Ecuador. I love it. It just holds such a special place in my heart. My OSSO friends. All still so special and important to me.
21) Coloring books. Crayons. Colored Pencils. Ahhhh, heaven.
22) Fun college memories. I can't believe some of the things we did to entertain ourselves now. Hilarious.
23) My MF. Isn't it apparent that I have such a love for this girl? I can hardly believe we are about to be re-united. I stay up at night wanting the day to come faster. I can't WAIT.
24) My job. I love that I get to know so many people. The couples and birth parents I work with are all so incredible and I often leave work thinking that I am blessed to have rubbed elbows with such good people.
25) My closest friends from high school. Kylee, Camille, Haylee, Anneka, Emily, Heidi, Jill. Never had a friendship like them, yet.
26) General Conference. I love the time that we get, twice per year, to listen to our modern day prophet and apostles.So wonderful.
Devin: (Also in no particular order)
1) Kim
2) Hallie
3)MF
4) Jace
5) Parents
6) Family
7) Extended family
8) Gospel
9) Atonement
10) Living Prophets
11) Book of Mormon
12) Basketball
13) Football
14) Family fun
15) Great friends
16) Being done with school
17) Bright future
18) Days off work
19) Vacation
20) House
21) Car
22) Food
23) Snow
24) Sunshine
25) Job
26) Heavenly Father's plan
Definitely can't tell who the wordy one in the family is!
We hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
November 20, 2011
Fundraising Raffle-- You Know You Want to Win!
Here we go! We have the following fabulous prizes up for grabs for you in our little raffle that we will lovingly call the, "Let's Get MF Home NOW!" Raffle. Without further ado... **We have two new additional prizes, now!** see numbers 1 and 2!
1) Blog Template: So, you like my blog template, do you? Well, my friend Hilary from Simply Yours Designs made it and she has graciously agreed to donate a blog template for one lucky winner as well! The winner may choose one of her amazing pre-made templates for your blog! (Also, check out her Facebook page HERE)
2) Four passes to the Quarry: This prize will be for someone local. The Quarry is an amazing rock climbing center. This prize is an $80 value. Four passes, harnesses, and shoe rental, all included!!
3) $25 gift card to Target: Who doesn't love Target? I LOVE Target. If there were one next door to me...well, that would be a large problem.
4) Baby Boy OR Baby Girl (you choose) rag quilt: The quilt measures about 3 1/2 feet by 3 1/2 feet. The winner's quilt will be hand made and mailed to you sometime shortly after Christmas. The quilts below are just examples, yours can be one of the same designs or a different one of your choosing.
5) Handmade Raggedy Ann and Andy Dolls. I loved these two dolls as a child! One lucky winner will get their own set! These adorable dolls are 20 inches tall and will come with traditional red and blue clothing. They will be ready in time for Christmas!
6) Handmade, Personalized Memory Bear: This bear will be made from the shirt of one of your loved ones. What a great way to keep a piece of your loved one with you! This bear will be made within two weeks after the winner is announced. It can be made 8 inches, 12 inches, or 14 inches tall.
7) Handmade, boy boy OR baby girl cowboy boot booties: How stinkin' cute are these?? The lucky winner will receive these within two weeks from when the winners are announced. Size 0-3 months.
9) Custom Tutu: The winner of this great prize will get to choose their own colors, size, etc. for their tutu! This is little girl heaven, right here! Hallie looooves this sort of thing. This prize is extra special because it was donated to us by another family who is going through the adoption process right now as well, the Anderson's. They are adopting two little girls from the orphanage where MF is. You can see their story on their blog, HERE.
10) $50 gift card to Cheesecake Factory: Mmmmmm....I LOVE this place. Cheesecake Factory is definitely one of my favorite restaurants. Their lettuce wraps are amazing, their macaroni and cheese the best I have ever tasted (yes, right off the kids menu), and their coconut cheesecake to DIE for. I could go on and on, but, well my mouth is watering. So, I'll stop.
What you need to know (Otherwise known as: THE RULES:)
In advance, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your love and support of us. We are so appreciative of everyone's help in this amazing journey. We are getting so close to bringing our daughter home and we would not be where we are without your love and support. We are truly blessed.
(P.S. You may also enter the raffle if you have already donated to our fund in the past--- you just need to comment!)
**ALSO- Items will be shipped to the winners, regardless of where you live!**
1) Blog Template: So, you like my blog template, do you? Well, my friend Hilary from Simply Yours Designs made it and she has graciously agreed to donate a blog template for one lucky winner as well! The winner may choose one of her amazing pre-made templates for your blog! (Also, check out her Facebook page HERE)
2) Four passes to the Quarry: This prize will be for someone local. The Quarry is an amazing rock climbing center. This prize is an $80 value. Four passes, harnesses, and shoe rental, all included!!
3) $25 gift card to Target: Who doesn't love Target? I LOVE Target. If there were one next door to me...well, that would be a large problem.
4) Baby Boy OR Baby Girl (you choose) rag quilt: The quilt measures about 3 1/2 feet by 3 1/2 feet. The winner's quilt will be hand made and mailed to you sometime shortly after Christmas. The quilts below are just examples, yours can be one of the same designs or a different one of your choosing.
5) Handmade Raggedy Ann and Andy Dolls. I loved these two dolls as a child! One lucky winner will get their own set! These adorable dolls are 20 inches tall and will come with traditional red and blue clothing. They will be ready in time for Christmas!
6) Handmade, Personalized Memory Bear: This bear will be made from the shirt of one of your loved ones. What a great way to keep a piece of your loved one with you! This bear will be made within two weeks after the winner is announced. It can be made 8 inches, 12 inches, or 14 inches tall.
7) Handmade, boy boy OR baby girl cowboy boot booties: How stinkin' cute are these?? The lucky winner will receive these within two weeks from when the winners are announced. Size 0-3 months.
8) Custom Christmas card from EVERY MAKING MOMENT: This is my friend Haylee's shop and she does such a great job with her cards. They are all amazing! You pick the design that you want from her Etsy Shop, send her your pictures, and then she will send you a high resolution .jpg image that you can then take and print wherever you want (and however many copies you want) to get mailing to your family and friends! Perfect prize for this time of year! (Also, check out Every Making Moment's Facebook page and be sure to "like" it!)
9) Custom Tutu: The winner of this great prize will get to choose their own colors, size, etc. for their tutu! This is little girl heaven, right here! Hallie looooves this sort of thing. This prize is extra special because it was donated to us by another family who is going through the adoption process right now as well, the Anderson's. They are adopting two little girls from the orphanage where MF is. You can see their story on their blog, HERE.
10) $50 gift card to Cheesecake Factory: Mmmmmm....I LOVE this place. Cheesecake Factory is definitely one of my favorite restaurants. Their lettuce wraps are amazing, their macaroni and cheese the best I have ever tasted (yes, right off the kids menu), and their coconut cheesecake to DIE for. I could go on and on, but, well my mouth is watering. So, I'll stop.
11) Fresh-Water Pearl Necklace: Please forgive my photography skills (we all know that photography is not my strong suit!), for they do not do this necklace justice. It is beautiful! Freshly strung and gorgeous from Goldsmith Jewelers. ($100 value)
What you need to know (Otherwise known as: THE RULES:)
- Donate $5 or more to our MF fund, using the paypal link on the top, right side of the blog to receive an entry into our raffle
- You may receive one extra entry for EVERY place you share this raffle. For example, if you share a link to the raffle on facebook, on your blog, and on twitter, you get three extra entries!
- You must COMMENT here for EVERY entry you receive. In your comment, leave your name and email address, and if you want, for fun, tell me which item you have your eye on. (So, for the above example, you would leave four comments- one for your donation, and three for your places shared. The reason for this is that it is going to make it easier for me when I draw winners- I am going to use a site like random.org and so having each comment numbered will help immensely!)
- The Raffle prizes will be drawn in order and every comment will be entered in for every prize! I will email the winners and if for some reason they don't want the prize (if they don't live near a Cheesecake Factory if they win that, for example), a second winner will be drawn.
- The Raffle will go TWO weeks, ending at midnight on Monday, December 5th. Winners will be contacted the next day via email.
In advance, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your love and support of us. We are so appreciative of everyone's help in this amazing journey. We are getting so close to bringing our daughter home and we would not be where we are without your love and support. We are truly blessed.
(P.S. You may also enter the raffle if you have already donated to our fund in the past--- you just need to comment!)
Exciting Things to Come!
Hello friends and family.
Just a little update post so you know what is going on.
Our I-800 form was filed last week. Once this is approved (should take a few weeks), we file our DS-230 and then we are assigned a travel date! We are anticipating & really really hoping that we can travel right after Christmas.
The two families who have been going through the process with us the whole time have both received travel dates. One leaves this Tuesday and the other on December 5th! We are so excited for them. It is all becoming so real all of the sudden.
While the realness is good, but it kind of has me in state of panic. I feel like I have a million things to do and yet no idea of what the million things are or where to begin. Anyone know this feeling?
We want to do one last little push for fundraising before we get a loan to cover the rest of our costs. To do this, we have lined up some amazing raffle prizes. I will be posting the raffle in the next few days along with the rules. Get excited! We have such great family and friends who have willing donated around 10 fantastic prizes.
Just a heads up...get ready!
Just a little update post so you know what is going on.
Our I-800 form was filed last week. Once this is approved (should take a few weeks), we file our DS-230 and then we are assigned a travel date! We are anticipating & really really hoping that we can travel right after Christmas.
The two families who have been going through the process with us the whole time have both received travel dates. One leaves this Tuesday and the other on December 5th! We are so excited for them. It is all becoming so real all of the sudden.
While the realness is good, but it kind of has me in state of panic. I feel like I have a million things to do and yet no idea of what the million things are or where to begin. Anyone know this feeling?
We want to do one last little push for fundraising before we get a loan to cover the rest of our costs. To do this, we have lined up some amazing raffle prizes. I will be posting the raffle in the next few days along with the rules. Get excited! We have such great family and friends who have willing donated around 10 fantastic prizes.
Just a heads up...get ready!
November 17, 2011
Pregnancy and Adoption
I know you thought I was done talking about adoption for a while. Sorry. I have more thoughts running around in my head that I want to share. I hope this makes some semblance of sense.
Another thing that really bothers me is when people tell potential adoptive couples, "Oh, you are doing it the easy way!" As if mountains of paperwork, months of preparation, invasive interviews, agonizing waits, and uncertainty upon uncertainty are easy. While I know pregnancy can be hard, it is not a fair statement to say that adopting is easier than carrying a child. Sure, there aren't any stretch marks (usually) nor is there an agonizing labor process to get the child here, but there are other things that are unique and difficult to adoption.
My thoughts center more on how the two processes are similar.
I was thinking about my pregnancy with Jace the other day and remembering some of the things I went through with him, and while doing so, it occurred to me that some of the same things have happened as we anticipate the arrival of our next child, despite my not being pregnant with her.
Some commonalities:
1) Sickness:
Pregnancy story: When I was early in my pregnancy with Jace, Hallie and I traveled to Nauvoo for our Strobel family reunion (poor Dev couldn't come.) Some of you may remember this trip as the Trip of Lots of Throw-Up. Yes...we endured a whole lot of barfing on that trip. Well, it was easy to pass my own sickness off to the fact that everyone else seemed to have something too, but in reality, it was morning sickness.
Our family had some time slots to do some ordinances at the Nauvoo Temple one morning. There were only five spots if I remember right due to the summer season and lots of people wanting to attend the Temple during their time there, but I was one of the lucky ones who got a spot. I woke up feeling deathly ill, but decided to fake it and go anyway since it was a pretty great opportunity. No one knew that I was pregnant at this point, so I didn't want to let on that anything was wrong. Well, I went to do some initiatory ordinances with my Aunt Angela. Part way through, I just knew that I wasn't going to make it. I kept willing myself to not throw up, just make it a little while longer, focus on something else....
Well, lucky for me, I did end up making it....that is right up until I got into my dressing room to change my clothes. I got in and immediately knew I needed some help. I called out the door to my aunt that I needed a garbage can or something because I was going to throw up, RIGHT NOW. A kind little temple worker rushed over to my side and instead of bringing the garbage can right next to the check-in desk with her, she instead brought a little, tiny hand towel. A towel? What? I still don't understand. I will spare you the details of what happened next, but suffice it to say that it was not pretty, nor did the towel do a great job. Angela and I hurried out of there to avoid further embarrassment, but not before the little old lady gave me another tiny towel to take with me in case I had any incidents on the way out the door.
Adoption Story: I can't count the number of times I have felt physically ill during this process. I have not thrown up, yet the sickness is still real. The worst days were when I was under the impression that we would be assigned to MF, yet nothing happened. The worst was not hearing anything. The entire day would go by with this huge anticipation that something was going to happen, and then we wouldn't hear anything. My stomach would be in knots, my head pounding. The best I could do is lay down and hope to feel better. Like morning sickness, there was no other option than to just wait it out. Like morning sickness, some days are better than others. Like morning sickness, no one can quite understand it unless they've been there, too.
Although I haven't had quite as great of a story as throwing up in the Nauvoo Temple, the sickness has nevertheless been just as real and just as "this-is-so-not-fun."
2) Under-eating:
At the beginning of my pregnancies particularly, I have a hard time eating a lot, because "nothing sounds good" or I develop an aversion to something after I get sick eating it. So, instead I just don't eat a lot during the first trimester or so.
Similarly, the craziness that is the adoption process has sometimes been so stressful and hard that I again find myself not eating. The same excuse can apply that, "nothing sounds good!" or that I don't feel well and eating isn't going to help.
Darn that stress stuff. It's weird, because it causes under-eating sometimes, but more often (darn it!), it seems to cause over-eating. Rough. See below.
3) Over-eating:
On the flip side, pregnancy (after the first trimester or so) is a time when I find that I throw caution to the wind when it comes to eating healthy and maintaining a balanced diet. You are supposed to gain weight, after all. You rationalize every treat, every extra serving, those 3 desserts....because after all "I'm pregnant! I'm supposed to be gaining weight!"
Well- I have found that I sometimes use this same logic with the adoption process. Faulty thinking, I know, but I rationalize unhealthy choices still with, "I am stressed. This has been such a hard day. Everything is so uncertain. I deserve it!"
4) Emotional instability: (This is probably the number one common denominator, right here!)
Pregnancy story: Okay, this is really a post-pregnancy story, but it still applies. It illustrates exactly how I was/could be during any given time during pregnancy. After I had Jace, Devin went home to spend the night with Hallie. I woke up many a time during the night (let's just say those hospital beds could surely be made more comfortable!) and by morning, I was a wreck. The nurse for the day came in to make her morning rounds at 7 or so, and with her she brought a student who was shadowing her. All fine and dandy, except that he was male, and I was sitting in the bed bawling my eyes out. He was supposed to be doing the check on me, but as he came in and saw my condition, he promptly halted in his tracks and turned with a look of bewilderment toward the nurse. I am sure he was wracking his brain for which class taught him how to deal with emotionally crazy, unstable, hormonal women. Eeeek. I feel bad for him now, just thinking about it. The other nurse promptly took over and asked what me how I was doing, what was going on, etc. I could only manage through my sobs to say that I wasn't really even sure why I was crying. Nevertheless, I was crying and I really wanted to do nothing but cry.
Adoption story: There have been times just like I described above in this process. More than I can count, in fact. I remember one night just laying in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. My poor husband is akin to the male nurse, except that he is a little more accustomed to the craziness that we call female emotions. He is just as often confused as to why I am crying, but then again, so am I. I can't really pin point it sometimes. It's just the whole situation, if that even makes sense. I know it doesn't...but just work with me here. It might be because I miss MF. It might be because I have no control over this process. It might be because she will be spending another Christmas without us. It might be because we might miss her birthday. It might be because she is mine, and yet right now, she is not mine.
There are times in this process, just like during pregnancy, that the only solution I have is to cry, even though I can't even pinpoint exactly why I am crying. Devin can't quite grasp it. Neither can I. Chalk it up to pregnancy hormones...or in this case adoption hormones.
Another thing that really bothers me is when people tell potential adoptive couples, "Oh, you are doing it the easy way!" As if mountains of paperwork, months of preparation, invasive interviews, agonizing waits, and uncertainty upon uncertainty are easy. While I know pregnancy can be hard, it is not a fair statement to say that adopting is easier than carrying a child. Sure, there aren't any stretch marks (usually) nor is there an agonizing labor process to get the child here, but there are other things that are unique and difficult to adoption.
My thoughts center more on how the two processes are similar.
I was thinking about my pregnancy with Jace the other day and remembering some of the things I went through with him, and while doing so, it occurred to me that some of the same things have happened as we anticipate the arrival of our next child, despite my not being pregnant with her.
Some commonalities:
1) Sickness:
Pregnancy story: When I was early in my pregnancy with Jace, Hallie and I traveled to Nauvoo for our Strobel family reunion (poor Dev couldn't come.) Some of you may remember this trip as the Trip of Lots of Throw-Up. Yes...we endured a whole lot of barfing on that trip. Well, it was easy to pass my own sickness off to the fact that everyone else seemed to have something too, but in reality, it was morning sickness.
Our family had some time slots to do some ordinances at the Nauvoo Temple one morning. There were only five spots if I remember right due to the summer season and lots of people wanting to attend the Temple during their time there, but I was one of the lucky ones who got a spot. I woke up feeling deathly ill, but decided to fake it and go anyway since it was a pretty great opportunity. No one knew that I was pregnant at this point, so I didn't want to let on that anything was wrong. Well, I went to do some initiatory ordinances with my Aunt Angela. Part way through, I just knew that I wasn't going to make it. I kept willing myself to not throw up, just make it a little while longer, focus on something else....
Well, lucky for me, I did end up making it....that is right up until I got into my dressing room to change my clothes. I got in and immediately knew I needed some help. I called out the door to my aunt that I needed a garbage can or something because I was going to throw up, RIGHT NOW. A kind little temple worker rushed over to my side and instead of bringing the garbage can right next to the check-in desk with her, she instead brought a little, tiny hand towel. A towel? What? I still don't understand. I will spare you the details of what happened next, but suffice it to say that it was not pretty, nor did the towel do a great job. Angela and I hurried out of there to avoid further embarrassment, but not before the little old lady gave me another tiny towel to take with me in case I had any incidents on the way out the door.
Adoption Story: I can't count the number of times I have felt physically ill during this process. I have not thrown up, yet the sickness is still real. The worst days were when I was under the impression that we would be assigned to MF, yet nothing happened. The worst was not hearing anything. The entire day would go by with this huge anticipation that something was going to happen, and then we wouldn't hear anything. My stomach would be in knots, my head pounding. The best I could do is lay down and hope to feel better. Like morning sickness, there was no other option than to just wait it out. Like morning sickness, some days are better than others. Like morning sickness, no one can quite understand it unless they've been there, too.
Although I haven't had quite as great of a story as throwing up in the Nauvoo Temple, the sickness has nevertheless been just as real and just as "this-is-so-not-fun."
2) Under-eating:
At the beginning of my pregnancies particularly, I have a hard time eating a lot, because "nothing sounds good" or I develop an aversion to something after I get sick eating it. So, instead I just don't eat a lot during the first trimester or so.
Similarly, the craziness that is the adoption process has sometimes been so stressful and hard that I again find myself not eating. The same excuse can apply that, "nothing sounds good!" or that I don't feel well and eating isn't going to help.
Darn that stress stuff. It's weird, because it causes under-eating sometimes, but more often (darn it!), it seems to cause over-eating. Rough. See below.
3) Over-eating:
On the flip side, pregnancy (after the first trimester or so) is a time when I find that I throw caution to the wind when it comes to eating healthy and maintaining a balanced diet. You are supposed to gain weight, after all. You rationalize every treat, every extra serving, those 3 desserts....because after all "I'm pregnant! I'm supposed to be gaining weight!"
Well- I have found that I sometimes use this same logic with the adoption process. Faulty thinking, I know, but I rationalize unhealthy choices still with, "I am stressed. This has been such a hard day. Everything is so uncertain. I deserve it!"
4) Emotional instability: (This is probably the number one common denominator, right here!)
Pregnancy story: Okay, this is really a post-pregnancy story, but it still applies. It illustrates exactly how I was/could be during any given time during pregnancy. After I had Jace, Devin went home to spend the night with Hallie. I woke up many a time during the night (let's just say those hospital beds could surely be made more comfortable!) and by morning, I was a wreck. The nurse for the day came in to make her morning rounds at 7 or so, and with her she brought a student who was shadowing her. All fine and dandy, except that he was male, and I was sitting in the bed bawling my eyes out. He was supposed to be doing the check on me, but as he came in and saw my condition, he promptly halted in his tracks and turned with a look of bewilderment toward the nurse. I am sure he was wracking his brain for which class taught him how to deal with emotionally crazy, unstable, hormonal women. Eeeek. I feel bad for him now, just thinking about it. The other nurse promptly took over and asked what me how I was doing, what was going on, etc. I could only manage through my sobs to say that I wasn't really even sure why I was crying. Nevertheless, I was crying and I really wanted to do nothing but cry.
Adoption story: There have been times just like I described above in this process. More than I can count, in fact. I remember one night just laying in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. My poor husband is akin to the male nurse, except that he is a little more accustomed to the craziness that we call female emotions. He is just as often confused as to why I am crying, but then again, so am I. I can't really pin point it sometimes. It's just the whole situation, if that even makes sense. I know it doesn't...but just work with me here. It might be because I miss MF. It might be because I have no control over this process. It might be because she will be spending another Christmas without us. It might be because we might miss her birthday. It might be because she is mine, and yet right now, she is not mine.
There are times in this process, just like during pregnancy, that the only solution I have is to cry, even though I can't even pinpoint exactly why I am crying. Devin can't quite grasp it. Neither can I. Chalk it up to pregnancy hormones...or in this case adoption hormones.
November 14, 2011
Randomness
How about some random thoughts from Kim? Okay? Okay.
- I am so grateful for friends, old and new. I feel like all I want to do is talk about the adoption process, MF, Ecuador, etc. all the time. My long-time friends have always been a great support to me in this process and I am so grateful. But, I am also grateful for new friendships that this process has brought to me as well. I have been emailing/texting multiple people who are/have been in this crazy process and I find an immense amount of gratification in these new friendships. Though I have never met any of these people in person, there is a bond there, simply because they are going through the same process and have such an understanding of what it is really like. I consider these relationships an added gift in this process. One that I was not expecting, but are nevertheless so welcome. Thank you all.
- We went to Idaho this weekend and I brought back my violin! (This is a big deal for me...) I haven't touched the thing in approximately 7 years, but I unearthed in from the closet at my mom's house and decided that I ought to try to take it up again. Remember that in high school, I was so good that my violin teacher finally told my mom to stop wasting her money on my lessons. That's talent, people. I played a few songs at my mom's house after the unearthing and some more today and I found that I could remember exactly how to play (not that it sounds pretty), but that I could not remember the names of the notes for the life of me. I will work on that. Me teaching me? Sounds productive.
- We celebrated my Grandma's 80th birthday over the weekend and had an early Thanksgiving dinner. I love my Grandma. She is one of my favorite, favorite people. She has endured so much, including the death of three of her children in the last four years. She is such a good example to me and I love her so much. For her birthday, we all surprised her with handwritten letters of our memories and thoughts about her. I think it meant a lot to her.
- Devin and I are trying to dedicate ourselves to learning Spanish again. We checked out some cd's at the library and while there, they let us know that we can access a learning center on their website with our library card. Sweeet. Like the violin, I have found that it is coming back to me rather quickly, but it is surely imperfect. Devin and I should make quite the pair-- he is fluent in Portuguese since he served his mission there, so he understands quite a bit, but his speaking is much different. He tries to accent things like he is speaking Portuguese. We'll see how we do.
- I re-read this talk from General Conference from President Uchtdorf recently and loved it. It just resonated so much with me. It is called "You Matter to Him." Read it. Enjoy it.
- My aunt Linda's headstone has been placed. After church yesterday, a crew of us climbed into my cousin Cortney's beast of a vehicle and drove to the cemetery to see it. It is beautiful. It was really sad to see it though, as it made the whole thing seem so...final. I know it was really final on June 22, but I don't know... I just don't have words to express the sadness. It's still so hard. I know time heals all wounds and that has been true in this experience, but the wound is still open and raw for me.
- The other day I dug out my favorite picture of Devin, ever. He is about a year old in it and he is sitting on a chair with his next door neighbor, who was only 8 days or something younger than him. Devin is literally about twice the size of Rendall and it cracks me up every time. I wanted to scan it while we were Idaho so I could have a digital copy, but I forgot. Dang it. I was thinking about it because Jace is SO big. Everywhere we go, people tell me how huge he is. I wanted to see what Devin looked like around this age. They have no resemblance to each other, but the size definitely comes from Devin. We like big boys.
- One of my new friends shared THIS video with me. It makes me teary-eyed just watching it. It is the children in the orphanage where MF is. See if you can spot her in the video. I found her and it made my day. It's a picture I have not seen of her and you know I cling on to anything I can get!
November 9, 2011
Re-Introducing....
Meet our sweet little girl. Her name is Maria Florinda, but she goes by Flor.
Well, there you have it. I am so happy that I don't have to refer to her as "MF" anymore. Some people think that is her name, I'm pretty sure.
We filled out our DS-230 form today, which starts the visa process for her. It was interesting as we got to choose what we will have her name be. Devin and I had a discussion about it and in the end decided that we would keep her name exactly as it is and add Perry. She has been who she is for almost seven years and we don't want to change that. That means she will have 5 names (She currently has two last names as that is custom in Ecuador, so those will become her middle names.)
Moving along in the process! Continued prayers are appreciated.
(P.S. Did any of you notice in Hallie's video that when I ask her who is in her family, she says "Flor and Jesus!"? Ha ha!)
 |
| Sorry this is blurry--but when I was there working, we were only allowed to take one group picture at the end of our 3 months. This is cropped from the group photo. This is the only photo I have of Flor from my entire time there. But, I think it's pretty sweet. |
 | ||
| Not a baby anymore, but that's still my girl! I haven't seen her since she was about a year and half old. This picture is from May of this year, but is one of the most recent ones I have. |
Well, there you have it. I am so happy that I don't have to refer to her as "MF" anymore. Some people think that is her name, I'm pretty sure.
We filled out our DS-230 form today, which starts the visa process for her. It was interesting as we got to choose what we will have her name be. Devin and I had a discussion about it and in the end decided that we would keep her name exactly as it is and add Perry. She has been who she is for almost seven years and we don't want to change that. That means she will have 5 names (She currently has two last names as that is custom in Ecuador, so those will become her middle names.)
Moving along in the process! Continued prayers are appreciated.
(P.S. Did any of you notice in Hallie's video that when I ask her who is in her family, she says "Flor and Jesus!"? Ha ha!)
November 8, 2011
National Adoption Month
Did you know that November is National Adoption Month? Well, it is! While the idea behind the month is to promote the adoption of children in Foster Care who are awaiting families, in addition it is a great reason to celebrate adoption and educate others about it.
Surprise, surprise, I have a lot of thoughts about adoption. My thoughts are sort of coming from two angles-- first, from my experience as a caseworker dealing with domestic adoption (I feel like I know a lot more about this area) and second, from my experience thus far as an adoptive parent in an international adoption. Same label (adoption) --two completely different worlds! Here are a few things I wish people knew. These are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. Each person's adoption path is so individually unique, it is hard to generalize anything.
Domestic Adoption:
One major difference between domestic adoption and a lot of international adoptions (ours included) is that in a domestic adoption where an infant is placed at birth, it is most often because the birth mother of the child has chosen an adoption plan for her child. Every birth mother that I have ever worked with loves her child immensely and choosing to place is never a matter of not wanting her child. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Every birth mom that I have worked with has wanted her child. But, she has been able to put her own needs aside and see that for whatever reason, adoption is a better choice for her child. I never want to be in position where I choose something for an expectant parent looking at her options and I am supportive of those who choose to parent as well. However, birth parents are at the top of the list of people I respect. I know quite a few-- and they are universally some of the most unselfish, brave, courageous, and loving people I have ever met.
This leads me into my next thought- open adoption. Again, this is generally reserved for domestic adoption. I am so entrenched in the adoption world that openness is completely natural and normal to me, but I know for those who know little about what adoption is like today, openness can be a scary concept. Openness is a really wide range of things that can mean that a birth parent just gets updates via email or letters a few times a year, or it could be that the birth mother is actively involved in the child's life. and has regular visits with the adoptive family. Each birth parent and adoptive couple has to decide what works for them and of course boundaries always have to be in place, but I wholeheartedly support open adoption. I have seen so many wonderful open adoptions. There are a lot of reasons why openness is healthy, but I could go on for ages on that topic, so we will leave it for a another day. The birth parent/adoptive parent relationship is such a unique one, but I have seen so many wonderful friendships that have been formed. Often there is just a feeling that the birth parents are an extension of the family, and that is so great. Of course openness is not always rosy, but I have heard even those who have more difficult open adoptions say that they would go back and do it all the same again because they feel the benefits outweigh the difficulties.
I honestly wish that we could have some sort of relationship with MF's birth mother. I have thought A LOT about her over the years. I thought that there was no information about where MF came from, but lo and behold, as we began the adoption process, we got a complete social history on MF's birth mother. Things operate a little differently in Ecuador and let's just say a sneaky social worker worked over time to acquire the information. Maybe some day I will share some of it, but learning of this information just opened that idea in my mind again. Who is she? What is she like? What caused her to leave her child in the hospital? What were the circumstances? What was going on in her mind? I can kind of piece things together with the information I have, but still, I would love to have the opportunity to meet her and to get to know her. Even more so, I want her to be able to see her daughter progress and grow! I am sure she thinks about her sometimes and wonders how she is doing. She probably has no idea that she is about to be adopted into a family in the United States.
Finally, a little bit of positive adoption language. When I first started my job, I had only ever heard the term, "gave the child up for adoption." Have you ever heard this term? Yeah, all of us have. It is so prevalent to talk about adoption in this way. I quickly learned the positive language phrase of "placing/placed a child for adoption." See the difference? I cringe whenever I hear someone say that someone "gave a child up for adoption." "Placing/placed" is more positive. It paints the picture in my mind of someone making a conscious choice and has a loving connotation. Giving up the baby reminds me of someone giving away something they no longer want. So for the few of you who read my blog, if you ever do me one favor in life, let it be this- use the phrase "placed the child for adoption" versus the other. :) Gracias!
International Adoption:
Speaking in terms of my own experience now, let me answer some FAQ's that I get since I don't really have any "education" to offer. The uneducated cannot educate, let's just put it that way! But, we are learning as we go and the rest of the blog probably demonstrates the little that we are learning through the process.
1) Why are you adopting? Well, there are a lot of reasons, really, but the short answer is that we feel that we have been led to this path. We have spent a lot of time praying, fasting, and attending the Temple to know of God's will for our family and for MF. It has been made clear to us again and again that we are on the right path. Devin's feelings are obviously different than mine, but I have felt since my time in Ecuador that MF was my child. As the time came closer to seriously look into the process, we began to seek an answer as to whether we should pursue her adoption. The answer never came with a lightening bolt "YES" (as I might have hoped for!), but we have received confirmations of our choice repeatedly.
2) Is your husband on board/how does your husband feel about it? Like I said, the process to where we are has been different for Devin and I. I knew that I wanted to adopt MF when we got married, so he was aware that he was getting a "package deal" of sorts. I wish Devin would write a post telling you his own version of things, but I know he never will (just not in his personality, dang it!) and he probably honestly won't tell you a lot in person if you asked, either. He may not be the most outspoken person, but he does have strong convictions. When he feels something is right, he is willing to sacrifice everything to achieve it. I will tell you one little thing that will hopefully answer this question. We knew we needed to wait until we were 25 to start the adoption process as per Ecuador's guidelines. As the fall of 2010, approached (when we would both reach this magical age), I said very little to Devin about MF's adoption. I didn't want him to feel pressured. I wanted it to be his choice as well as mine (he obviously knew my feelings on the matter...). On the day of my birthday, Devin gave me his gifts, and then at the end said he had one more thing for me. He pulled up a page on the computer and proceeded to show me a special savings account that he had gone to the bank and opened for us. It was titled the "MF fund". He had saved money without my knowing and had deposited $300 into the account. Devin was ultimately the one who initiated this process. He has been "on board" the whole time and is so supportive. He is excited and I know that MF deserves and needs a father like him.
3) Do MF's special needs scare you? I would be lying if I said that her needs don't scare me. Quite honestly, I am not even sure what her care is going to entail. Our reports on her are few and far between, so I don't even know what her day to day life is like. I do know that we will do everything in our power to get her the best care possible and to help her progress and meet her fullest potential. When people ask me this question, I usually tell them that I am terrified, but that at the same time, I know that MF is my child. If I had a child born to me biologically who had cerebral palsy, what would I do? I would love her the same. I would bend over backwards to provide the care she needs. Is the answer any different for my adopted child? Not in the least.
Aaaaaand, Something that Applies to Both Domestic and International Adoption:
Some phrases that I hear that probably bother me more than anything else related to adoption: "As soon as you adopt, you'll probably get pregnant and have one of your own!" (Obviously not said to me, but to many, many infertile couples looking to adopt.)
"Aren't you worried about your own kids and how they are going to react to having another child brought in?" (I have been asked this.)
Do you see the common denominator?
While I realize that those who say this mean no harm, hearing things like these hurts my little heart. Why? Adopted children ARE our own. While we may not have gone through 9 months of pregnancy, hours of labor, and an intense delivery to get them here, what we actually have gone through is often much, much more invasive, trying, and difficult. There is a term in the adoption world called "being paper pregnant" for those families going through the adoption process. Having been pregnant and delivered children twice, I can say that in my own situation, being "paper pregnant" has been much more difficult (I also admit that I have not had terribly difficult pregnancies, but I also would not call them easy.)
If we did not feel that MF was our "own", we would have thrown in the towel in this crazy process a long, LONG time ago! I know with every fiber of my being, clear to the depths of my soul, that MF is my own child, just as much as Hallie and Jace are. If you haven't read my post about motherhood that I wrote shortly after Hallie was born, I articulated my thoughts about this better there than I am doing here. In short, I expected to feel something different when Hallie was born, but I did not. I recognized that the feelings I felt for her were the same as I had experienced for MF during my time in Ecuador.
Further, I know that adopted children are no different than biological children in the kingdom of God. Once sealed to us in the Temple, MF will be entitled to all the blessings and privileges that Hallie and Jace are as children Born in the Covenant. She will be ours for the eternities. I always tell the adoptive couples that I am working with that though the road leading them to adoption has not usually been an easy one, one thing that is a huge blessing for them in the situation is that they get to go to the House of the Lord, with their children, to be sealed. Not many people get this opportunity. And let me tell you, it is amazing. I have been able to witness a number of my adoptive couples as they were sealed to their children, and those have been some of the most sacred experiences of my life. The Spirit is so strong, testifying that these children are with their families. Their path to their family may have been a little different, yet it is always so abundantly clear that they are in the right place. Words can't describe the feeling. One of my co-workers recently said that she has had more sacred experiences in our job than any other time in her life. I have thought about that a lot, and I definitely agree. What could be more sacred than forming families? I really, really anticipate the day when we can have MF sealed to us for time and all eternity.
I am not trying to make anyone feel bad as I recognize this adoption world is uncharted territory for a lot of people. Can I suggest that you be conscious of your wording, though, and use positive adoption language terms, which include "biological children" and "adoptive children" if you need to distinguish between the two. However, usually just calling them all "your children" works great!
Well, how's that for some rambling on and on about adoption? This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I hope you all don't mind my talking about it every once in a while (or all the time...)
Happy National Adoption Month!
PS. Good news! The re-introduction of MF's name and pictures on the blog will be coming soon. We have the green light to share this information now that she is officially assigned to us. Yippee. Now people can learn her actual name. (I wrote this whole post over the course of a few days before I got the permission and I am too lazy to go back and change it all now.)
Surprise, surprise, I have a lot of thoughts about adoption. My thoughts are sort of coming from two angles-- first, from my experience as a caseworker dealing with domestic adoption (I feel like I know a lot more about this area) and second, from my experience thus far as an adoptive parent in an international adoption. Same label (adoption) --two completely different worlds! Here are a few things I wish people knew. These are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. Each person's adoption path is so individually unique, it is hard to generalize anything.
Domestic Adoption:
One major difference between domestic adoption and a lot of international adoptions (ours included) is that in a domestic adoption where an infant is placed at birth, it is most often because the birth mother of the child has chosen an adoption plan for her child. Every birth mother that I have ever worked with loves her child immensely and choosing to place is never a matter of not wanting her child. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Every birth mom that I have worked with has wanted her child. But, she has been able to put her own needs aside and see that for whatever reason, adoption is a better choice for her child. I never want to be in position where I choose something for an expectant parent looking at her options and I am supportive of those who choose to parent as well. However, birth parents are at the top of the list of people I respect. I know quite a few-- and they are universally some of the most unselfish, brave, courageous, and loving people I have ever met.
This leads me into my next thought- open adoption. Again, this is generally reserved for domestic adoption. I am so entrenched in the adoption world that openness is completely natural and normal to me, but I know for those who know little about what adoption is like today, openness can be a scary concept. Openness is a really wide range of things that can mean that a birth parent just gets updates via email or letters a few times a year, or it could be that the birth mother is actively involved in the child's life. and has regular visits with the adoptive family. Each birth parent and adoptive couple has to decide what works for them and of course boundaries always have to be in place, but I wholeheartedly support open adoption. I have seen so many wonderful open adoptions. There are a lot of reasons why openness is healthy, but I could go on for ages on that topic, so we will leave it for a another day. The birth parent/adoptive parent relationship is such a unique one, but I have seen so many wonderful friendships that have been formed. Often there is just a feeling that the birth parents are an extension of the family, and that is so great. Of course openness is not always rosy, but I have heard even those who have more difficult open adoptions say that they would go back and do it all the same again because they feel the benefits outweigh the difficulties.
I honestly wish that we could have some sort of relationship with MF's birth mother. I have thought A LOT about her over the years. I thought that there was no information about where MF came from, but lo and behold, as we began the adoption process, we got a complete social history on MF's birth mother. Things operate a little differently in Ecuador and let's just say a sneaky social worker worked over time to acquire the information. Maybe some day I will share some of it, but learning of this information just opened that idea in my mind again. Who is she? What is she like? What caused her to leave her child in the hospital? What were the circumstances? What was going on in her mind? I can kind of piece things together with the information I have, but still, I would love to have the opportunity to meet her and to get to know her. Even more so, I want her to be able to see her daughter progress and grow! I am sure she thinks about her sometimes and wonders how she is doing. She probably has no idea that she is about to be adopted into a family in the United States.
Finally, a little bit of positive adoption language. When I first started my job, I had only ever heard the term, "gave the child up for adoption." Have you ever heard this term? Yeah, all of us have. It is so prevalent to talk about adoption in this way. I quickly learned the positive language phrase of "placing/placed a child for adoption." See the difference? I cringe whenever I hear someone say that someone "gave a child up for adoption." "Placing/placed" is more positive. It paints the picture in my mind of someone making a conscious choice and has a loving connotation. Giving up the baby reminds me of someone giving away something they no longer want. So for the few of you who read my blog, if you ever do me one favor in life, let it be this- use the phrase "placed the child for adoption" versus the other. :) Gracias!
International Adoption:
Speaking in terms of my own experience now, let me answer some FAQ's that I get since I don't really have any "education" to offer. The uneducated cannot educate, let's just put it that way! But, we are learning as we go and the rest of the blog probably demonstrates the little that we are learning through the process.
1) Why are you adopting? Well, there are a lot of reasons, really, but the short answer is that we feel that we have been led to this path. We have spent a lot of time praying, fasting, and attending the Temple to know of God's will for our family and for MF. It has been made clear to us again and again that we are on the right path. Devin's feelings are obviously different than mine, but I have felt since my time in Ecuador that MF was my child. As the time came closer to seriously look into the process, we began to seek an answer as to whether we should pursue her adoption. The answer never came with a lightening bolt "YES" (as I might have hoped for!), but we have received confirmations of our choice repeatedly.
2) Is your husband on board/how does your husband feel about it? Like I said, the process to where we are has been different for Devin and I. I knew that I wanted to adopt MF when we got married, so he was aware that he was getting a "package deal" of sorts. I wish Devin would write a post telling you his own version of things, but I know he never will (just not in his personality, dang it!) and he probably honestly won't tell you a lot in person if you asked, either. He may not be the most outspoken person, but he does have strong convictions. When he feels something is right, he is willing to sacrifice everything to achieve it. I will tell you one little thing that will hopefully answer this question. We knew we needed to wait until we were 25 to start the adoption process as per Ecuador's guidelines. As the fall of 2010, approached (when we would both reach this magical age), I said very little to Devin about MF's adoption. I didn't want him to feel pressured. I wanted it to be his choice as well as mine (he obviously knew my feelings on the matter...). On the day of my birthday, Devin gave me his gifts, and then at the end said he had one more thing for me. He pulled up a page on the computer and proceeded to show me a special savings account that he had gone to the bank and opened for us. It was titled the "MF fund". He had saved money without my knowing and had deposited $300 into the account. Devin was ultimately the one who initiated this process. He has been "on board" the whole time and is so supportive. He is excited and I know that MF deserves and needs a father like him.
3) Do MF's special needs scare you? I would be lying if I said that her needs don't scare me. Quite honestly, I am not even sure what her care is going to entail. Our reports on her are few and far between, so I don't even know what her day to day life is like. I do know that we will do everything in our power to get her the best care possible and to help her progress and meet her fullest potential. When people ask me this question, I usually tell them that I am terrified, but that at the same time, I know that MF is my child. If I had a child born to me biologically who had cerebral palsy, what would I do? I would love her the same. I would bend over backwards to provide the care she needs. Is the answer any different for my adopted child? Not in the least.
Aaaaaand, Something that Applies to Both Domestic and International Adoption:
Some phrases that I hear that probably bother me more than anything else related to adoption: "As soon as you adopt, you'll probably get pregnant and have one of your own!" (Obviously not said to me, but to many, many infertile couples looking to adopt.)
"Aren't you worried about your own kids and how they are going to react to having another child brought in?" (I have been asked this.)
Do you see the common denominator?
While I realize that those who say this mean no harm, hearing things like these hurts my little heart. Why? Adopted children ARE our own. While we may not have gone through 9 months of pregnancy, hours of labor, and an intense delivery to get them here, what we actually have gone through is often much, much more invasive, trying, and difficult. There is a term in the adoption world called "being paper pregnant" for those families going through the adoption process. Having been pregnant and delivered children twice, I can say that in my own situation, being "paper pregnant" has been much more difficult (I also admit that I have not had terribly difficult pregnancies, but I also would not call them easy.)
If we did not feel that MF was our "own", we would have thrown in the towel in this crazy process a long, LONG time ago! I know with every fiber of my being, clear to the depths of my soul, that MF is my own child, just as much as Hallie and Jace are. If you haven't read my post about motherhood that I wrote shortly after Hallie was born, I articulated my thoughts about this better there than I am doing here. In short, I expected to feel something different when Hallie was born, but I did not. I recognized that the feelings I felt for her were the same as I had experienced for MF during my time in Ecuador.
Further, I know that adopted children are no different than biological children in the kingdom of God. Once sealed to us in the Temple, MF will be entitled to all the blessings and privileges that Hallie and Jace are as children Born in the Covenant. She will be ours for the eternities. I always tell the adoptive couples that I am working with that though the road leading them to adoption has not usually been an easy one, one thing that is a huge blessing for them in the situation is that they get to go to the House of the Lord, with their children, to be sealed. Not many people get this opportunity. And let me tell you, it is amazing. I have been able to witness a number of my adoptive couples as they were sealed to their children, and those have been some of the most sacred experiences of my life. The Spirit is so strong, testifying that these children are with their families. Their path to their family may have been a little different, yet it is always so abundantly clear that they are in the right place. Words can't describe the feeling. One of my co-workers recently said that she has had more sacred experiences in our job than any other time in her life. I have thought about that a lot, and I definitely agree. What could be more sacred than forming families? I really, really anticipate the day when we can have MF sealed to us for time and all eternity.
I am not trying to make anyone feel bad as I recognize this adoption world is uncharted territory for a lot of people. Can I suggest that you be conscious of your wording, though, and use positive adoption language terms, which include "biological children" and "adoptive children" if you need to distinguish between the two. However, usually just calling them all "your children" works great!
Well, how's that for some rambling on and on about adoption? This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I hope you all don't mind my talking about it every once in a while (or all the time...)
Happy National Adoption Month!
PS. Good news! The re-introduction of MF's name and pictures on the blog will be coming soon. We have the green light to share this information now that she is officially assigned to us. Yippee. Now people can learn her actual name. (I wrote this whole post over the course of a few days before I got the permission and I am too lazy to go back and change it all now.)
November 4, 2011
All Things Hallie
Today is Hallie's 3rd birthday.
Am I really old enough to have a three year old? Apparently I am. I remember vividly the day she came into our lives. She has added so much in the three years since, and yet it seems like she has been with us forever.
This post is going to be an overload of Hallie info, just an FYI. First, a picture overview of her day:
And... I know, everyone's favorite- Some recent Hallie-isms:
* (a little gross for some, maybe) We were coming out of the restaurant tonight and Hallie suddenly stopped and said that she needed to throw up. After a short pause, she announced, "nope! Just a burp!"
*She always greets Jace in the morning with some variation of the following: "Hi cuteness! You are so handsome, buddy!" He will have good self-esteem if she has anything to say about it!
*One day, she had been taking a particularly long time going to the bathroom, so I said something about her needing to hurry up and finish. She replied, "Why? you dancin'?!" (She thought I needed to go...)
*A common phrase in her prayers these days is, "Please help us to be real..." (as opposed to fake? No idea where she got this.)
*One night, we had the following conversation:
Me: Hallie, what do you want for dinner?
H: Chicken nuggets!
Me: Okay, we can make chicken nuggets
H: (disgusted look on her face), No, not you! We will have to get them at a dinner place.
Glad she trusts my cooking...
*Contrasting that, one night when Devin had cooked dinner, she sat down to her meal and said (in her best baby voice) "Ooooooohhhhhh, look at this beautiful meal!"
*While driving one day, we passed a Home Depot and had this conversation:
Hallie: Mom, let's go to Home Depot!
Me: Why?
Hallie: Because I love Home Depot! (this is true, it is probably her favorite store)
Me: We don't need anything at Home Depot honey.
Hallie: Okay, I know. I will have DAD take me to Home Depot. (And she promptly asked him when he got home. He was happy to oblige and made plans to take her the next day. Nice.)
*One day she was dancing around singing, "Shake your booty, shake your booty!" when all the sudden she stopped and asked me, "mom, what does booty mean?" me: "It means bum." Hallie (laughing hysterically): "Oh, that's terrible!"
*While opening all her birthday gifts, with each gift, she would proclaim, "ohhhh, my gosh! ohhhhh my gooooosh", each time getting more pronounced. Haha, the joy of a three year old!
Finally, A video. I had this idea that I should interview each of my kids on their birthday and ask them the same questions every year. I think it will be fun for them (and me) to look back on and see how they change over the years! So this is the first one. I should have started when she was two-- though that surely would have been comical. But,at least at this age she pretty much understands the questions and can answer them. enjoy! (sorry it is sideways...I am working on rotating it, but it is taking forever and day. We'll see if I can manage it.)
Am I really old enough to have a three year old? Apparently I am. I remember vividly the day she came into our lives. She has added so much in the three years since, and yet it seems like she has been with us forever.
This post is going to be an overload of Hallie info, just an FYI. First, a picture overview of her day:
 |
| She was thrilled with the flowers that daddy got her. This is all she would tell us that she wanted. At 3? What are we in for?! |
 |
| She was spoiled by grandma, aunt jen, and carlie. She got all sorts of barbie dolls & equipment. Again I say, at 3??? But yes, she told everyone else apparently that she wanted barbies (she saw Avery get barbies for her birthday when we were in Idaho for spud harvest, so that's where she got the idea.) She also finally got Tangled- I know, practically the last child in America to have it! |
 |
| (sorry for the low quality of pictures--the phone, ya know...) This dress is CLEARLY a hit. We are going to have to hide it, or I guarantee she will be wearing it all day, every day, and to bed. |
 | ||||
| She requested Strawberry Shortcake for her cake. yum. This is after we had pizza pie cafe for dinner (she requested Salad...odd, I know...and being the good parents that we are, we convinced her to add pizza to that salad). We had desserts there and she got a free cookie monster because it was her birthday. Yikes on the overload of sugar! |
And... I know, everyone's favorite- Some recent Hallie-isms:
* (a little gross for some, maybe) We were coming out of the restaurant tonight and Hallie suddenly stopped and said that she needed to throw up. After a short pause, she announced, "nope! Just a burp!"
*She always greets Jace in the morning with some variation of the following: "Hi cuteness! You are so handsome, buddy!" He will have good self-esteem if she has anything to say about it!
*One day, she had been taking a particularly long time going to the bathroom, so I said something about her needing to hurry up and finish. She replied, "Why? you dancin'?!" (She thought I needed to go...)
*A common phrase in her prayers these days is, "Please help us to be real..." (as opposed to fake? No idea where she got this.)
*One night, we had the following conversation:
Me: Hallie, what do you want for dinner?
H: Chicken nuggets!
Me: Okay, we can make chicken nuggets
H: (disgusted look on her face), No, not you! We will have to get them at a dinner place.
Glad she trusts my cooking...
*Contrasting that, one night when Devin had cooked dinner, she sat down to her meal and said (in her best baby voice) "Ooooooohhhhhh, look at this beautiful meal!"
*While driving one day, we passed a Home Depot and had this conversation:
Hallie: Mom, let's go to Home Depot!
Me: Why?
Hallie: Because I love Home Depot! (this is true, it is probably her favorite store)
Me: We don't need anything at Home Depot honey.
Hallie: Okay, I know. I will have DAD take me to Home Depot. (And she promptly asked him when he got home. He was happy to oblige and made plans to take her the next day. Nice.)
*One day she was dancing around singing, "Shake your booty, shake your booty!" when all the sudden she stopped and asked me, "mom, what does booty mean?" me: "It means bum." Hallie (laughing hysterically): "Oh, that's terrible!"
*While opening all her birthday gifts, with each gift, she would proclaim, "ohhhh, my gosh! ohhhhh my gooooosh", each time getting more pronounced. Haha, the joy of a three year old!
Finally, A video. I had this idea that I should interview each of my kids on their birthday and ask them the same questions every year. I think it will be fun for them (and me) to look back on and see how they change over the years! So this is the first one. I should have started when she was two-- though that surely would have been comical. But,at least at this age she pretty much understands the questions and can answer them. enjoy! (sorry it is sideways...I am working on rotating it, but it is taking forever and day. We'll see if I can manage it.)
November 2, 2011
Jace-- 8 months
Jace, aka our "cuteness" (Hals' pet name for him), is now 8 months old! What? How did that happen!? It's crazy to me. Here are a few pictures and some updates on our handsome little man.
*Jace is a Mama's boy. He fusses and squawks when he sees me until I hold him. This is a recent development. He loves Devin too, but he seems to want me when I am around. Awwwww. I love it. It makes me feel special that he knows me and that he wants me. Makes every mama happy.
*Jace swinging for the first time! He loved it. Don't worry about the high water pants- its a common problem around here. They aren't that bad, though, just slightly bad.
*Speaking of clothes, we are in 12 months and bigger. Ummm....yeah. No comment.
*Weight wise- He hasn't had any appointments lately, but I think he is between 22-23 lbs. according to our scale.
*Jace's favorites include: his best friend the binky, graham crackers, his sister, his exersaucer (he loves to jump up and down in that thing...), baths (he is quite the splasher), and his music toy in his crib.
*This music toy is a stuffed animal that plays music when you pull down on it (thank you Middleton 4th of July parade 2010!) It hangs in Jace's crib and he loooooves this thing. Nothing can soothe him quite like it. At bed time and nap time, he works his way over to his toy and secures his little hand on it so that when the music ends, he can just yank to start it up again. Sometimes Devin and I hear him early in the morning (before we care to be awake) playing his music over and over again. He is quite content just listening to his toy.
*Jace's least favorite things: being hungry......ummmm, that's about it. He is generally such a happy boy.
*Jace eats anything and everything we will offer him. He still eats baby food and rice cereal, but really prefers table food. He loves oatmeal, bread, crackers, fruit, avocados, noodles, etc. He didn't used to like bananas, but now he eats them just fine.
*Jace has his two bottom teeth and his two top teeth are about half way down. They are cute, cute, cute. It's amazing how little teeth can change their appearance!
*Jace got this Simba stuffed animal from Grandpa and Grandma Strobel and he loves to cuddle with it when he sleeps. Nevermind that it is larger than he is.
*Jace understands the command "clap!" and he is getting better at actually clapping (sometimes). He thinks it is very funny when he manages to do so.
*No crawling yet for this boy. It is funny how babies are so different. I remember Hallie at this age was rolling like crazy, clear across the floor in order to get where she wanted. Jace does not do this. He rolls once or twice, but doesn't use it as a transportation tool like Hallie did. He is much more content staying in the same place for a long time. He likes to roll onto his stomach and just stay there.
*Jace overall has a pretty calm temperament, but he will also let us know when he wants something. He is such a fun boy. I can't imagine life without this little man. He is everyone's best bud in the house. Life must have been much bleaker without him 8 months ago!
And just for comparison's sake, here is a picture of Hallie ( she's on the left and Sadie is on the right) at the same age. It is definitely apparent that these two are siblings. The genetics in it are strange to me, though. Most people agree with us that they do not look like Devin or I. However, they must have been cut from the same cloth as they really resemble each other! They both have such fair skin, blonde hair, and bright blue eyes (both Devin and I have brown eyes). Odd.
Happy 8 months to our cutest Jacer.
*Speaking of clothes, we are in 12 months and bigger. Ummm....yeah. No comment.
*Weight wise- He hasn't had any appointments lately, but I think he is between 22-23 lbs. according to our scale.
*This music toy is a stuffed animal that plays music when you pull down on it (thank you Middleton 4th of July parade 2010!) It hangs in Jace's crib and he loooooves this thing. Nothing can soothe him quite like it. At bed time and nap time, he works his way over to his toy and secures his little hand on it so that when the music ends, he can just yank to start it up again. Sometimes Devin and I hear him early in the morning (before we care to be awake) playing his music over and over again. He is quite content just listening to his toy.
*Jace has his two bottom teeth and his two top teeth are about half way down. They are cute, cute, cute. It's amazing how little teeth can change their appearance!
*No crawling yet for this boy. It is funny how babies are so different. I remember Hallie at this age was rolling like crazy, clear across the floor in order to get where she wanted. Jace does not do this. He rolls once or twice, but doesn't use it as a transportation tool like Hallie did. He is much more content staying in the same place for a long time. He likes to roll onto his stomach and just stay there.
*Jace overall has a pretty calm temperament, but he will also let us know when he wants something. He is such a fun boy. I can't imagine life without this little man. He is everyone's best bud in the house. Life must have been much bleaker without him 8 months ago!
And just for comparison's sake, here is a picture of Hallie ( she's on the left and Sadie is on the right) at the same age. It is definitely apparent that these two are siblings. The genetics in it are strange to me, though. Most people agree with us that they do not look like Devin or I. However, they must have been cut from the same cloth as they really resemble each other! They both have such fair skin, blonde hair, and bright blue eyes (both Devin and I have brown eyes). Odd.
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