Making a Fool of One's Self

Believe me, I have LOTS of experience in this category.

The time I was flying with my cousin and she got me laughing so hard, I spilled a bowl of cheerios all over the nice business man sitting next to me? Stupendous.

The time I kicked a really good looking lifeguard in the face (on accident) while swimming in his pool? Yes, it seems impossible, but I managed it.

The time I split my pants all the way down the back at EFY? Awesome.

The time I hit the dumpster then didn't tell my parents about it? Classic.

The time I fell asleep on some man's lap on a long flight? (What is with me and flights?) No good.

Today I had one of those experiences. It might not be as bad as the others mentioned above, but I look back on it and think, "what were you thinking?!"

We had a weekend training class for our adoptive couples, so I went all day today. During one break out session, the topic was "Raising Adopted Children." Three lovely ladies did a great job presenting the material, but there was time left over, so the floor was opened for questions. Someone asked about what it is like to have adopted children and biological children and how the relationships might differ.

Ensue awkward silence. No one had anything to say. Awkward enough, apparently, that I felt myself propelling out of my seat to say something. (oh man, laughing just typing this!)

I started crying before I even spoke. Then, my blubbering mess of a self talked about how I had fallen in love with MF before I ever had biological children and then something about how when I had Hallie I recognized that the love for each was the same. I was "ugly crying" pretty much the whole time I was up there- about two minutes- and the blank stares in the audience told me that they were unclear on what the heck I was talking about. I think I made sense, kind of. I think I explained that we are adopting this child from a foreign land and that I have biological children so it sort of was an answer to the question, but one can't be sure. I thought it tied back to the topic, but maybe not.

It's the crying that is embarrassing. Not just little sniffles, I was full on crying. Snot and all. Awww, man. And these people are supposed to think I am a professional. I bet those that are on my caseload are all feeling like the drew the short end of the stick with me- a worker who can't even hold herself together? Yikes.

At least I can (kind of) laugh now about it, right? I have had worse "I'm a fool!" experiences, afterall.

P.S. for those who read my Tales of an Adoption Caseworker blog, two new posts there tonight too! I know, it's been months, but I am on a roll! I've had a bit of a stressful week and blogging helps me de-stress and process things at the same time. Bonus.