Heartbroken

Linda, Che'Lyn, and I on our Nauvoo trip in 2005. Love it.

My life was turned upside down this week with the sudden loss of my dear Aunt Linda. I have a million things floating around in my head but I will try to keep this short as I fear it will be mumbo jumbo if I don't.

I am grateful to know about the Plan of Salvation and that families are eternal. Death is not the end. We will see Linda and be with her again someday.

I am grateful for the time we were able to spend with Linda recently. It seemed it was more than normal. I am particularly grateful for the drive to Boise when we went to Wicked. That was a great time for Che' and I to talk to her the whole way there and the whole way back. We laughed a lot. I will treasure this time forever.

I am grateful for the person that Linda is. I am grateful that she felt it important to have a good relationship with her annoying little nieces. Starting at about age 10, my sister and two cousins and I would journey to Logan to spend a week with her each summer. This became the highlight of each summer. So many memories.

I am grateful for the time I was able to spend with Linda in the hospital right before her passing. Though it was traumatic, I am so grateful. I am grateful for the time I spent holding her hand and feeling the squeeze, verifying to me that somewhere deep in there, she was still there. She was still Linda.

I am grateful that my family is as close as we are and that we can help each other through this difficult time. This is the most personal loss I have ever felt and the most grief I have ever felt. I am so raw, so emotional, so up and down. But I am grateful that I have family who understands and wishes to be together at this time to help each other through.

I am grateful for Linda's husband Brad and the strength that he has. He is such a good husband and father. I am grateful that Linda's children have him.

I am especially grateful for the last gift that Linda gave: her sweet baby Charlie, who was born during this whole ordeal. What a beauty, right? She is in the NICU but things are looking up for her. She is the last piece of Linda that we have and believe me, we are clinging on to the hope that she brings.

Prayers for Brad, Carter, Ryen, Jack, and Charlie would be much appreciated. It is their loss that is the most important as Linda was their wife and mother. While I also grieve for myself, much of my grief is for them.

Please forgive me if I am MIA from the blog for a while or if all I feel like talking about is Linda. It may consume me for some time. Just a fair warning. I hope to at least create a memory post at some point, mostly for me to remember her and the contributions and influence she has had in my life.