M's Adoption- Part Three

After talking to Devin about my thoughts the initial time, I didn't bring it up again. I wanted to give him time to think and feel things out on his own.

That next Sunday, one week after my initial impression, we were sitting at the table, eating breakfast before church, when Hallie started talking about when Flor got sealed to our family in the temple. She had a primary talk that day on the Holy Ghost and so we were asking her about times she remembered feeling the Holy Ghost in her life. She thought of the temple immediately and reported details that she remembered, including how she loved the white dress that she wore and that she remembered feeling happy and good inside while she was in the temple. After she talked about her memories for a while, she said, "Mom, I think we should adopt another kid and have him or her sealed to our family too."

I looked at Devin's face and I could see that the Spirit confirming to him that this is what we needed to do. We of course had not talked to the kids at all about our contemplations about adoption, so Hallie's conversation about it and specific comment that she felt that we should go to the temple with another child could be nothing but divinely driven. Devin told me later that night that Hallie's statements were the confirmation that he needed. He had been praying about adopting M and had felt good about it, but had not had a solid answer. Hallie's comments were just another big way that Heavenly Father showed His will for us. I am telling you, we have had so many experiences that just worked out just right and too many spiritual impressions to ignore. Never in my life have I had such obvious expressions of the Lord's will for me or my family.  I have no doubt that this is the right thing for us and for M. Will it be easy? No. And we know it. In fact, we are gearing ourselves up for a really difficult time for the first little (or long) while. I think we're also better prepared than ever. All that can be a discussion for another day, though.

I quickly started emailing people to get as much information as I could about M. I like to go into things as prepared as possible and this was of course, no exception. I emailed Jaci, the director of the agency we had used for Flor and she immediately wrote back to let me know that M was still available and that she continues to pray for a family every night. I asked a lot of questions about her, without identifying that it was Devin and me that I was asking for. I had worked hard to find M a family for the last 2.5 years because my heart had just broken when I saw her at the orphanage in 2012. So, Jaci probably didn't think it weird that I was asking all these questions about her. However, I must have asked just enough that she finally wrote back and said, "Are you asking for you and Devin?" I told her yes and she wrote back a really kind and sweet reply, expressing her support and happiness.

A little later on down the line, we were also able to connect with and have a good discussion with my cousin Kalab and his wife, Keelie, who had just recently returned from a year in Ecuador as project directors for the same organization that I served with in Quito. Coincidence that they had spent a year there and could tell us details about M that we would not have gotten otherwise? No. And coincidence that this was the year that the volunteers got moved to live on-site at the orphanage, thus increasing their time spent and interactions with the kids? Again, I don't think so. We feel really blessed that we were able to access information from them about our child with whom they had just spent a year living on the same property. Kalab and Keelie were able to give us great information about M and what to expect.

We still don't know everything and there are a lot of unknowns, but we felt good about getting as much information as we could, primarily so that we will be better prepared to be good parents to M. We didn't gather information so that we could change our minds about her. Even if there are "big" issues with her (though we believe there aren't), we feel strongly enough about this that we will pursue her regardless. We did with Flor- we knew very little about Flor when we went to get her, including what the extent of her disabilities were, what her life expectancy is, if she had a diagnosis...we didn't even know if she was walking or not when we went or if she could speak. We knew that she had delays, but we didn't know what they were or what they would mean for our family. Nevertheless, we committed ourselves to her in the same way we did our biological children. We know they will have their own challenges in life, but we won't give up on them when those things happen. The same is true of our commitment to Flor, and now to M. We don't know exactly what her hard things will be, but we know she'll have them.