M's Adoption- Part One

I told you all before that I have written our journey to this point with M's adoption as it was happening. Since this is where I write and have a history for our family and kids, this is also where I wrote those experiences. I have waited to share the whole story. I didn't know when I would share it, but now, today, I feel like it's the right time. I think a few things have contributed to feeling that way- First, that it is Fast Sunday and that's how this all began, with a Fast Sunday. Fast Sunday helps me feel extra measures of the Spirit, I think, and today as I have been fasting, I have felt some promptings to share our story. I even went up and bore my testimony at Church, which is not normal for me. I felt like I should share my testimony of God's personal hand in our lives and His ability to give us personal revelation. I do know that God has revealed His will to us in this situation and that's what this story is really about. It's really about being prepared to receive the blessings that God has in store for us.

The second reason today makes sense is because it is Orphan Sunday, a day celebrated by many Christian religions to bring awareness to the plight of orphans. While Devin and I obviously have a heart for this cause, we also had previously felt that we had done our part. After all, we had adopted one orphan and that was good enough, right? :) I do feel that one of the main reasons I am wanting to share the story in detail, though much of it is sacred to our family, is for others. For others to have their hearts softened to the cause of orphans, whether that is through adopting them, sponsoring them, helping to find families, financially caring for them, etc. I don't know who the message will touch, but I do know that I feel the need to share it.

The final reason is because November is National Adoption Month! You don't even need me to tell you how much I love adoption.  If you know me even a tiny bit, you know how I feel about adoption! And, while I love that much of the attention for the month focuses on domestic adoption and foster care, I think more needs to be done to raise awareness for the international options. I don't want anyone to get into any debates about which type of adoption is better or which type any other person should do- it's a very personal decision and one that I feel is guided and directed by God for each individual family. I know there are thousands of children in the U.S. who need homes too. Yet, I know that God has called us to adopt two specific children and they happen to not live in the U.S. One cause is no greater than the other. I just think that more awareness can and should be raised about all options so that families can have the information they need when they are making the decision how and where to adopt. So, Happy National Adoption Month!!

With that said, below is what I wrote many months ago about the start of this process.


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If you've ever read my blog or been friends with me on Facebook, you may remember that I have tried time and time again to find a family for sweet M. See HERE and HERE for just two examples.

This all started in June 2014, on a Fast Sunday. Adoption was not on our minds at all. What was on our minds was the need to sell our home. Devin had already been working in Farmington since March and we knew we needed to make the move up to that direction, but it just wasn't working out and we were getting increasing frustrated with the lack of progress in selling our home. We had had it listed since the end of March. We had one offer that fell through because of things the inspection showed and we had two additional offers after that that we weren't able to accept because they were too low.

After those offers, it had been about three weeks and we hadn't even had so much as one showing. I was getting more stressed by the day, wondering and worrying about what was going to happen and if we were ever going to be able to move. As much as I loved the area we were in, I was really worried about Devin and the lack of sleep he was getting. He was up at 4 something every weekday morning in order to be to the golf course by 6 to start the day. To be honest, it was also difficult on me because he was also getting home late, which meant I was flying solo everyday, all day with the kids. Keep in mind that this is the first time in my parenting career that I had stayed home with my kids 100% of the time. It is not my forte and does difficult things for my mental state sometimes, but that is a story for another day.

The week before the upcoming June Fast Sunday (June 1), Devin and I determined that we should fast to sell our house. We also asked some family members to join us in the fast. This was not the first time that we had fasted to sell the house, but we felt that it was a good way to do what we can to petition the Lord and to have faith in His timing.

Now, let's get real- Fast Sunday is generally in no way, shape, or form, my favorite Sunday. I just like to eat, okay? I have always had a hard time fasting the full 24 hours and sometimes even gripe about it (little good that does, I know, but just in case you were interested in full disclosure). For some reason though, this Fast Sunday felt different.

Our church was at 1 pm in our previous ward, so we had all morning to be home together as a family. I remember I was sitting on the couch reading to the kids when I started to have thoughts about M. I found it interesting, because I hadn't thought about her for a long time. I figured I had done my part to try to find her a family. She hadn't occupied my thoughts in the same way Flor did in the interim years between my time in Ecuador and her adoption. I knew Flor as my child from the very time I first met her, but I did not have those same feelings with M. Of course I have thought about her occasionally and wondered how she is doing and if anyone is pursuing her adoption, but she hasn't been on my mind in that same way. So when I began to think about M that morning, it was kind of surprising to me. I wasn't sure why she was on my mind and why I couldn't get her out of my mind.

I pondered about M for the next few hours. I don't recall what I was doing when I had a very distinct impression. The impression was so strong that I will describe it as a thought. I knew the thought was not my own. The thought was this: "I will help you sell your house, but I want you to do what I will have you do with the money." Even as I type this now, tears come to my eyes because I can recall the power of the thought. I knew immediately what that statement meant and why M was in my thoughts: I knew that Heavenly Father intended us to bring M into our family.

Let me pause here to tell you something about this kind of revelation- and that is this: I have never had this type of personal revelation before in my life, ever. Not even close. I have always felt the Spirit in my life through warmth, comfort, and peaceful feelings. Never have I had direct communication that came in words. This was the only time. I have had the thought to write down this prompting and the power of it multiple times, and yet I haven't. Now that I am, though, I can feel again the power of that impression and know it for what it is. It is easy to get confused and bogged down by the things surrounding us, the worries, the what-ifs, and the daily things that lead me away from such spirituality and make me wonder about what I experienced. But writing it down is a powerful way to be able to come back and have something tangible here to remind me of that experience. I am writing this long before I intend to publish it on my blog because I have had the impression to do so, but I don't know when the timing will be right to share it.

Back to that day. I didn't share my experience with Devin right away. In fact, I think it was a few days later that I finally shared with him. I just wanted to think about it a little bit more and pray about it for myself to see what I felt. That day in church, I remember thinking about M during the sacrament and feeling peace- my normal communication from the Holy Ghost. I knew I needed to talk to Devin, but the thought made me nervous. This was completely out of the blue after all, and it was kind of a major thing.

(Sorry for the abruptness of the ending. The story is way too long to be told in one shot. Part 2 will come later.)