I warned you. Read on only if you wish.
We found out tonight that our official assignment for MF did not happen today in Ecuador.
I can't tell you how bummed I am. I was set up to believe for some time now that this was going to happen today. I told myself to not plan on it so that I wouldn't be disappointed in case it didn't happen.
I tried hard to not set my heart on it. But I did. And I am disappointed. Not just that, but I am sad. I want my MF to be here so badly. My heart aches every day that I am not the one putting her to bed. That I am not the one hugging her when she wakes up in the morning. That I am not the one to play games with her, teach her, show her the world.
The reason our case was not assigned has to do with our agency's suspension. The worker in Ecuador did not feel comfortable presenting the cases (ours and one other family were supposed to be assigned today. Good thing we are going through this together. We have texted/emailed all afternoon and it is so nice to not be alone...) due to the suspension. She got a sense that the committee did not know about the suspension and did not want to jeopardize things by approving documents under a suspension without the committee's knowledge. So- our agency is hoping to have the United States notify Ecuador of the suspension before next Thursday and hopefully we can get the referral then (the committee meets every Thursday.)
However, I am not going to plan on it. I am not going to plan on anything happening until the beginning of October, when the suspension should be lifted. If it happens before, yay! But, I am not going to set my heart on it like I did this time. That means we will be one month behind.
One month may not seem like a long time, but it is a really long time to me. We have been in this process for almost a year and each day that passes by without progress is more and more torturous. I am so ready to be done.
I was also hoping we would have her home by Christmas. Who knows if that will happen now? We also really really really need the adoption to happen this year so that we can get the tax credit next year. Remember how we are driving Devin's parent's car while they are on their mission? Well, we are planning on using the tax credit money to get a larger car that we can use for our three kids and that will be easier to get MF in and out of as she grows (she has special needs remember and has limited walking abilities.) Waiting another year for the tax credit will hurt us a lot.
To top it off, our trusty (not so trusty anymore) Honda needs major repairs. Major enough that the cost is more than the car is worth. So, it looks like we will be getting two new cars. One ASAP- since the Honda is not safe to drive. That definitely puts a damper on the funds going toward our adoption (travel costs).
Don't get me wrong- we are SO grateful for all the help we have received. I keep thinking how blessed we are to have such good friends and family. We would really be in a world of hurt if it were not for your kind donations and help. It just seems crappy that everything is going on at once.
Maybe the delay is for a reason? I don't know. I just have to trust that God is in charge and that He has our best interests (and MF's) at heart regardless of how things seem to me.
Tomorrow is a new (and better) day, right?
9 comments:
Its going to happen Kim. You guys and precious MF are in our prayers!!!!
Im so sorry Kimmie! THats so hard and frustrating! Hang in there-- MF will be here in NO TIME! Love you and you all are in my prayers!
Hang in there, Kim! That is a lot to deal with at once, but that's how it goes, right? Hard things come in waves it seems. These are just bumps in the road but it will all happen. In the meantime, MF has many angels watching after her.
You have my permission to cry all you want! But, concentrate on your faith. I loved the quote from Conf. about Elder Hales when he told the Lord he had been tried enough. I feel like telling himself that all the time. Only the Lord knows what we need to learn in these trials. Jonny takes our one car to school everyday, leaving me and the three kiddos at home. It can be done.
Don't ya hate how everything seems to happen all at once. I mean things start going good, but then WHAM! bad things start piling up. That's how I have felt lately. Sorry for the bump in the road. I'll keep praying for you. :)
I am so sorry Kim. We will keep you guys in our prayers. There must be a reason this is all happening at once right? We sure hope that MF gets here this year safe and sound.
that is so sad! I would have been majorally disappointed too-how could you not be? It just reminds me of being 9 months pregnant and every time you go into the dr. office they tell you that you are not dilated and you go home and cry because you are so ready to be done being pregnant. So when you put it in that light an extra day seemed like an eternity so a month must be torturous! You guys have been under a lot of pressure and emotional stress with getting this adoption underway- I'm amazed at all your strength and perseverance. Timing is everything and it will all work out in the end. Still praying for ya!
Oh Kim, I don't even know what to say. I know that you must be so disappointed. I love you so much and I know that you will get through this. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you guys.
I know what you mean. I keep thinking, I just need to have faith that the Lord will work everything out, that the "means" will come, and that I will be patient enough to wait through it all.
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