Another Year

I am now 26. Last year I recapped my life to that point with my Quarter Century of Greatness post.

This year I would add:

2011: The highlight of this year is of course the addition of our sweet, rolly-polly Jace. Oh, and definitely the year long wait for our child in Ecuador defines this year as well. A highlight for sure if you define highlight as rollercoaster-ish, crazy, frustrating, exciting, long, up-and-down, or did I mention anxiety inducing?? Yes, great times! Need I mention the loss our family has experienced? Okay, I won't. This list is supposed to be funny, afterall.

Uh, yeah. Looking back on it, this year has probably been one of the best and yet one of the worst of my life. Weird how that happens, huh?

My birthday was a great day, but at the same time, it was hard. It surfaced a lot of difficult feelings in relation to the loss of Linda and to the emptiness I feel due to MF's not being here yet. I look back at when we started the adoption process around this time last year and I really honestly thought we would have her home by summer. Well, that obviously didn't happen and while we are much closer, I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Regarding Linda, she was always amongst the first to text me on my birthday, often at the crack of dawn, just because she could. One of my favorite birthdays was when Linda was babysitting us as my parents were out of town for my dad's job. I was turning 12 I think and Linda threw me a surprise birthday party. She also decorated my room with balloons and candy while I was at school. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me and I always remember that birthday because I really felt special. Linda was always very thoughtful. As special as they are, holidays and birthdays are also  going to be a reminders of what we are missing from now on. (*)

I am so blessed to have such a sweet, caring husband though. He made my delicious meals, got me flowers, and most importantly, spent all day with me. I love that. Oh- and just so you know, he also gave me my very own set of golf clubs for my birthday! We really are going to be a golfing family--never mind the fact that I have only played about 3 holes total to this point in my life. I am really good. Really, really good. Just wait until next year when for 2012 I will add to my list: "Joined the LPGA and won a million dollars!" You just wait and see. (No, really though I am super excited to learn a little more and to have a hobby to do with Devin.)

Here's to a truly happy 26th year! One that finally brings home our MF!!!

*I don't write these things so that people feel bad for me or to get pity calls, comments, or texts. I just want to be real about the processes I am going through, both the grief process of losing a loved one and the struggles inherent to adoption. I know chronicling the ups and downs of both has helped me a lot and hopefully will help someone else at some time, too. I would never share things here that I feel are too personal or to private...and to me, none of this is. It's simply a commentary on what life is like.