A Quarter Century of Greatness

Last week I turned the big 2-5. It was momentous, believe me. So far, I think my life has been pretty exciting. I have achieved a lot in my quarter of a century and I believe a recap is in order. So with no further ado, please join me in remembering the greatest events of my past 25 years.

1985: Look out world, here I am!

1986: I show great speaking potential with my first full sentence, "Big Tummy Mommy!" (No, I was not referring to her according to the fabulous baby book, I was referring to myself)

1987: I earn a wonderful nickname, "Corkscrew" due to acting like a "greased pig" in church (my dad has told me this I don't know how many times)

1988: One of the most oft-repeated stories of my childhood happens this year. On a family trip to Disneyland, I am suddenly missing from the line that my family is standing in. Looking around a little, my dad finds me halfway into a garbage can nearby. Upon asking what in the world I am doing, I reply "I'm looking for food!" (that's what you get, parents, when you don't feed me)

1989: I learn the art of manipulation. You want me to get an IV? You give me an ambulance ride first! (I got my ambulance ride in case you wonder. No sirens though. Just a leisurely roll around town)

1990: The second most repeated story of my childhood occurs. On a plane ride from somewhere, I am stuck sitting next to an old lady that I don't know (my dad was a travel agent and so our tickets were rarely together, thus, as a 5 year old, I was already accustomed to sitting on my own). The lady is nicely minding her own business when I ask her if she knows Michael. I get no response from her, so I continue, louder now, "No, not Michael Jackson you dummy! Michael my brother!"

1991: Ah, Kindergarten. The famous Booger Picture. Enough said.

1992: I learn that I am larger than some other people my age. In line one day in my classroom, I decide to prove it. I pick up a boy in front of me about half my size and throw him on the ground, just because I can.

1993: My eyes are bad enough that I get my first pair of Huge Purple Glasses.

1994: On an outing with my grandmother and cousin, I learn the word "regurgitate" as in "your lipstick makes me want to regurgitate" which my cousin and I repeat to an unsuspecting pizza girl and write on a few comment cards at the mall (thanks grandma for the handy word!)

1995: Sadness ensues as the first pair of Huge Purple Glasses breaks. No worries, enter second pair of Even Huger Purple Glasses (yes, I spent the majority of my childhood in purple glasses. Why my mother allowed such hideousness, I have no idea. You'll have to ask her.)

1996: My friend and I decide that we are model material and put together a "Fashion Notebook." Our skills are so high that we take shots of ourselves in bathing suits while standing in the window well. If that isn't fashionable, I don't know what is.

1997: My mean streak re-emerges. On a recess break, I wipe fresh dog poop on a poor, unsuspecting boy. His crime? He has just given me a hand drawn picture of a rose. You have a 5th grade crush on me? I will respond in kind with dog poop, thank you very much.

1998: I enter a binding agreement with my three best friends that NEVER, under ANY circumstances, will we CUT OUR BANGS. (We are all still following the contract faithfully)

1999: I cry enough times at piano lessons (my teacher was insanely nice and I cried just to have her pass off songs) that my mom decides it has become a waste of money. Time to quit. Violin lessons, on the other hand, where the teacher blows smoke in my face and continually tells me that "I sound so bad the dogs are howling" is going great for me. Never a tear there. (seriously, I got along with her wonderfully)

2000: Driver's licence? Check. Mom's gold minivan? Check. A van full of friends? Check. Taco Bell? Check. Hitting a large yellow dumpster behind Taco Bell? Check. Returning home and pretending that nothing happened? CHECK. My driving career has begun! (I will never live this story down...)

2001: Sweet 16, I am old enough to date! Good thing I enlist my trusty cousin (who shall not be named) to dye my hair a mere few days before the big date/homecoming dance. Orange hair- just on the top nonetheless- for my first date/prom? No big deal.

2002: I can often be found with my friends drawing slips of paper out of our own creative genius we call the "Random Jar." Items accomplished include washing the town's stop signs, having a mock wedding on aisle 11 in Smith's, and driving a friend's car backwards through an entire neighborhood. (We made our own fun, what can I say?)

2003: Remember that handy driver's license? I make good use of it and get pulled over a record 8 times this year. How many tickets did I get? (Of course you have to ask). Not a one.

2004: Holy smokes, I am graduating! Highlight of the year? Being hypnotized at the all night graduation party and falling in love with the purple-silk-shirt wearing, 80 year old hypnotist. My proudest moment yet. (I watched the video back and nearly died of shame)

2005: Welcome to college! Freshman year is a gem. A game called "Dare Yahtzee" begins to rule my life. I am found doing things that I never thought I would do, including sleeping in cars (right outside my bedroom window where my nice bed sits) and massaging anyone's feet who asks for a whole day (you must know my complete hatred for feet to understand why this is a big deal. I got by by wearing gloves the whole day)

2006: The year of the hot pots. How many midnight trips to the hot pots can we possibly make? Many! Who cares about school and other responsibilities when its all in the name of fun? Leave at midnight and get back at 6 am? No problem.

2007: This is a good year for me as I am able to convince a handsome young man that I am indeed marriage material (despite all of the above)

2008: We welcome the next generation of me. See 1985: Look out World! She is going to be just like me!

2009: The highlight of this year is an east coast adventure with my sister and two cousins. Can we fit 4 adults and 3 infants in one car? Yes we can. (Don't worry that was only an emergency situation and very short lived) Long live the adventures of Red, Ed, Ned, and Jed (our alter egos from childhood. We fought over who got to wear the long, one piece red pajamas in Grandma's basement and who had to wear the pooh stained yellow dress. Ahh, the memories)

2010: Turning 25 and realizing that if this is my greatest list of accomplishments (don't worry, it's really not-I hope) then I have got to kick it up a notch in the next 25 years.

Hopefully I can make a list just as awesome as this when I turn 50. Let's see what the next 25 years bring!