My Journey as a Gestational Carrier: Part 3

Shortly after I posted what I shared at the end of my last blog entry on social media, a close friend of mine that I have known for years through the adoption world reached out to me. She told me that her cousin was looking for a gestational carrier and she shared a post with me where her cousin had posted her own story on social media. The couple's post had come within weeks of my own. This couple posted that for health reasons, they were looking to move forward with building their family through using a gestational carrier. They mentioned in the post that they had had a previous carrier and had a few failed attempts with her and they were now looking for someone else to continue the journey with them. I was immediately touched by their post and could tell that they had been through so much to get to that point. I told our mutual contact, Jessica, that I would talk to her cousin, Janelle, but I wasn't promising anything. Remember, at this point, I genuinely felt that my journey was likely over.

I remember when I first got a text from Janelle asking if she could call. I was driving to Tremonton for a home study and I was almost there. I told her I would call her right when I was done and we could chat on my drive home. I called her without having any expectations for how the call would go. It seemed like we were both in a similar situation that we had been through some hard things with our previous matches and we both just sort of ended up talking about what each of us had been through to that point. After we shared our stories, we agreed that we would talk again soon after we got the opportunity to talk to our spouses. 

For some odd reason, I remember each of the first few times I talked to Janelle on the phone. The second time, I was in the Winco parking lot, waiting to go in for groceries. This time, we continued the conversation and both agreed tentatively that we might want to look at moving forward. I told Janelle that I would take steps in that direction until something didn't feel right and if and when that happened, I would stop. I was really hesitant because of my previous experience, but felt a drawn to Janelle, even before meeting her in person. I started to pray about this potential match and oddly, felt a little let down by the fact that I didn't seem to get a burning answer like I felt like I had with the previous couple. However, nothing felt wrong or off, so I continued forward. 

The first time Devin and I met Josh and Janelle was at their house. They invited us over for dinner and this alone was a big change to me. They were obviously comfortable having us in their home right from the start. I felt a huge connection to them while we chatted over dinner and shared stories. They were so kind, gracious, and humble. I felt immediately that this was a couple that I could build a friendship with and have a natural relationship with in the future. Remember with the first couple, the idea of having an ongoing relationship after birth was a bit foreign to them. This couple felt completely different and it felt like our relationship would just build naturally, so it wouldn't be weird at all to keep in touch after the birth. 

As I have tried to make sense of this lack of "burning" answer that I mentioned, I can now see clearly that I didn't need a burning sign from heaven. I had already been given that in order to get me on the path. After that, it was little things, mostly the relationship differences that I noticed with Josh and Janelle that made me feel good about moving forward. I can see now that I needed the experience with the first couple to contrast to help me see how wonderful it truly was with Josh and Janelle. I definitely do not mean to imply that the first couple were awful people; they truly were not. We were just on the same page more quickly with Josh and Janelle. I can see now that I had already been given the big answers that I needed and I needed to just move forward in faith with Josh and Janelle. 

After we left Josh and Janelle's house, Devin and I talked and decided we felt good about moving forward. I can't remember how that conversation went with Josh and Janelle, or who approached who first to say that we were wanting to move forward, but it just felt mutually agreeable and good all the way around.

This picture was actually taken in December 2019 when I was already pregnant, but it's the first that we have all together

From there, it was full steam ahead. Because we had completed many of the steps with the previous couple, we were ready to jump right into the medical clearance. I began this process in the spring of 2019. I started with blood draws and a water ultrasound. It was determined that I needed a procedure called a hysteroscopy to clean out my uterus really well before starting. During this time, we also completed legal contracts, which are required for all 3rd party reproduction processes. Josh and Janelle and I were unique in this regard in that we did not involve any outside parties or agencies, which is typically what happens, to negotiate the terms of this contract for us. Instead, we felt that we wanted to develop our own relationship and lines of communication, so we sat down and determined all the terms of the contract between ourselves. I loved that they trusted me enough to do this and I trusted them enough to do it this way. It really set the tone for our relationship and like I said, open lines of communication. 

Me after the hysteroscopy. I also have a video while I was drugged up bragging to my family about how nice my uterus is. I have posted it on social media before, but may have to dig it up again. I was clearly loopy. 

After this, we began the first rounds of shots and hormones in preparation for the embryo transfer June 19. Josh and Janelle had two embryos, both girls, that were frozen and ready for transfer. We had agreed to a SET (single embryo transfer) only. I went into the embryo transfer in June completely confident that it would work. This was their better embryo, we all had spiritual experiences confirming we were on the right path, and my hormone levels, lining, etc. were all looking perfect. 

The first box of shots arrives! I did estrogen shots twice weekly and progesterone shots daily for the weeks leading up to transfer. 

Devin almost enjoyed it too much that he got to give me a shot in the butt every morning. 

lovely daily progesterone shot

Transfer day #1. There is a "lucky sock" program that a UIRC sponsors so that everyone gets a pair of lucky socks to wear during transfer. I brought some for Janelle too. 

I can't remember the exact timeline, but it is about a week or so after the transfer that I started going in for blood draws to determine my Hcg levels to see if I was pregnant. I had already snuck a pregnancy test, which was positive, so I was fairly confident. The first result was a little bit lower than they like to see it, but they were not too concerned. I went again every few days for draws and went in for the last one on the day I left for Idaho to spend time with my best friends from high school for a mini reunion. While we were at a barbecue at our friend's house with a lot of our big friend group from high school, I looked down to see that I had missed multiple calls from the fertility clinic. I stepped away to call them back to be told that my levels had dropped significantly and this was not a viable pregnancy. They called it a "chemical pregnancy". I was so surprised and devastated. It only took a few days for my body to start the process of miscarrying the little embryo. This loss was really hard on me. I truly had felt so confident in the process and in my body's ability to carry Josh and Janelle's baby. I was worried that if the better embryo didn't take, our chances with the second would be worse. I felt worst for Josh and Janelle, who now had 3 losses in a row after two embryo transfers with their prior carrier and one with me. This in addition to years and years of other losses, which I won't go into since it is their story to tell. Suffice it to say, I was truly feeling the most for them. 

My cute kids gave me this letter after the first embryo transfer. We talked to them from the very beginning about what was going on and what we were doing and why. There have been a lot of questions about how my kids have handled this whole process and it has truly not been difficult for them to comprehend or support. We talked about how families are built in different ways (like our own) and that this was an opportunity for us to help another family grow. 

First positive pregnancy test. You can see why I was confident going in to the Hcg draws that all was going to be well!

Getting darker with time

This is the day I started the process of miscarrying the embryo. We went to Hebgen Lake and met up with some of Camille's friends who have a cabin there. They took us boating and everyone got to surf behind the boat, except me for obvious reasons and Camille who was pregnant. I carried Kylee's baby around all day (thus the baby on my chest!) so that she could swim and boat. Though I was happy to be with my friends, my emotions were at the surface and I was pretty sad that day and the days to come. 

The failed transfer/miscarriage occurred in early July. We took some time to regroup and then started the process once again.