Ecuador Day 2: Meeting Mishell

Okay, let's see. We left off with going to bed and getting a phone call from MJB at 6:30 am (5:30 am our time. I thought we would be two hours ahead, but it's only one until daylight savings). She called to simply tell us that she would be there at 8:30 am with a driver to pick us up, which we already knew, so thanks for the phone call lady. Anyway, there was no hope of going back to sleep after that, so we got up and started the day. I hadn't slept very well anyway, so I already knew that I was going to be exhausted and probably a little extra emotional during the day. The kids got to sleep in a bit longer while Devin and I got ready and then we woke them and got them up and ready as well. By this point, I was actually feeling really calm, surprisingly. I guess I had gotten most of the nerves out in the weeks leading up to this big day.

I kind of knew that MJB and the driver would be late, just because that's totally standard for Ecuadorians. And they were, which made the whole 6:30 am wake up call even more funny (ridiculous?). We got on the road around 9 and were supposed to be at the govt agency that oversees adoptions at 9. Needless to say, we didn't make it on time. We ran in to get our worker, Cecilia, who hopped in the van with us for the rest of the ride. This process has changed a bit to my recollection. Or maybe I just can't remember well. I don't remember having the govt worker with us when we met Flor, or having her follow us around and watch us. Anyway, I tried to make small talk with Cecilia (to the best of my Spanish ability) and asked if she was a social worker (yes). I told her that I am too. She said "Yes, I know. I am the one who has been reading all your paperwork." Well, duh, Kim. So she's also to thank for rejecting our dossier the first time and sending back the most ridiculous list of questions for us to answer, then, Ah. I will try not to hold it against her. :)

Anyway, we made it to SVP around 9:30. Oh, the memories at that place. I truly love it. It has not changed much in the 10 years since my time there. Some of the nuns are the same, others have left and been replaced by new ones. Some of the workers are the same (Naomi, Monica, and Narcissa for my OSSO chums). We were first led to a room where we met with the head nun, Sor Nelly, the director of the orphanage, Cristina, MBJ, Cecilia, and one of the OSSO directors who acted as a translator. A lovely worker served us juice of tomatillos, which was quite tasty. Sor Nelly and Cristina gave us a little bit of information about Mishell. They reported that Mishell has been really excited to have us come and that they had been praying for all to go well with us. They had a HUGE (and I mean HUGE) binder in front of them with all of Mishell's records. I am sure we will get a hold of that some day (anyone want to translate?). Anyway, then then asked us how we are feeling about everything and how it has been to get to this point. This was the first time I cried and made a bit of a fool of myself during the day. I just couldn't stop. I think I will blame it on the exhaustion, but anyway, they asked, and I told them. I told them how extremely difficult the process has been and how we have felt that everything was working against us at points, but that ultimately, we felt strongly that God intended Mishell to be a part of our family and that we could not deny that. (I hope Cecilia was listening.) 

After that, I think no one knew what to say, so we were ushered to the next stop. This whole time, we had no idea what was happening, by the way. We just moved with the crowd and waited for them to tell us what to do. We moved to one of the casas on the grounds which we were told is the social work casa. Who knew? I remember vaguely there being a social worker who popped in from time to time to SVP when I was there, but really I had no idea what they did or the work involved. Apparently there are two social workers and two psychologists at SVP full time. This is amazing news to me. I am so happy to hear that the kids have this type of support and help. We have been working primarily with one of the psychologists, Hector, and each time we have seen him, he has been in a session with another child. Really, really amazing. Anyway, we sat with Hector, MJB, SVP's nurse (who remembered Flor from her time there-- only 1 year when Flor was a baby- she was so excited to see her!), a social worker, and Mishell's nun, Sor Maria (who happens to be the most darling nun I have ever seen. She is super cheerful and huggy, and oh did I mention that she is Hallie's height? Have a look at the picture below.) Anyway, each of these people went around and gave us a short report on Mishell. Her health, her mental health, her day to day routine, etc. This was all very helpful information. We learned some new things and some of it was repeat from previous reports we had gotten. 

The nurse reported that Mishell is very healthy. She has had her feet treated (for something?) as a child and now wears orthopedic shoes (although we have not seen her wear any yet), so they say we need to get her into a foot doctor when we get home to make sure all is going well with her feet. She has had no other major health problems and has been checked out by all sorts of doctors.

The social worker reported on her background and history which led her to coming to the orphanage as well as the process of declaring her adoptable. This we all knew from previous reports. I won't be sharing much of this here. A note on that: I struggle sometimes with over-sharing. With Flor, I shared everything I could with whoever wanted to talk or listen. This time, I have learned that I need to be more careful, because Mishell is a person who can voice her thoughts, feelings, and concerns. I don't ever want her to come back and read things I have written about her and feel violated. As such, I will try hard to be sensitive to what I share about her and her story. 

Sor Maria told us that Mishell wakes up at 5 am, along with every kid in her house (9 kids total). HOLY CRAP. She is going to love us just for letting her sleep in a bit, I think! :) She goes to school until about 12:30, comes home and does chores and homework, and then has dinner, and bed by 8:30. I tried to ask questions about her hair, but no one seemed to have any answers or know what to do with it. So, that is a mystery.

The psychologist told us about Mishell's preparation and reaction to finding out she is going to have a family. He said that she has only expressed excitement and happiness. He said that she shows the video we sent to everyone and has watched it over and over. The same with her photo album. He said that she has been preparing for a family for her whole life and that though she is receiving love at the orphanage, it is a different kind of love, not the kind a family can provide. I asked if she has expressed sadness at leaving the only home she has ever known, and he said that there have been tiny moments of that, but that she has mostly been elated and so excited. Note on this: While I am so happy that Mishell is feeling positive about this whole thing, I anticipate that her feelings will change with time. Of course, she can retain that happiness while also grieving what she is about to lose, which is everything she has ever known. Can you imagine? I don't ever expect her to feel grateful to us for taking her from her home, her culture, and her language. We want to be sensitive to what she is feeling and stay away from feeling any sense that she owes us or that we rescued her. 

He also told us that she is very behind in school, that she only started reading and writing a few years ago, and that she had been medicated for ADHD for two years, but has been off meds for 6 months and is doing really well. We anticipated that Mishell would be behind in school, so hearing that wasn't a surprise, but it is kind of hard to know that she is behind even per Ecuador's standards. This has been my biggest worry to this point-- what are we going to do about school when we get home? I still have no idea but I would not be surprised if she needs some one-on-one time. She is so extremely tall, though, it makes me sad to think about holding her back. She is already going to tower over kids her age, let alone kids younger. I'll try not to worry about what I can't control quite yet...:)

After our discussion with the group in the room, the psychologist asked if we were ready to meet our daughter. Sor Maria went to get her, and we sat for a few minutes waiting. I again, could not stop the tears from flowing. So many emotions. The journey getting to this point has been so long and hard, but when she walked into the room, it was immediately all worth it. All worth it. She was wearing a white dress and carrying flowers for us. My first thought was how beautiful she is. She really is gorgeous. She is tall as we were told and her hair was braided into a french braid, which was unexpected because we thought it was super short. Anyway, we all got up and gave her big hugs and then the psychologist asked us all to tell her how we were feeling (look at this guy doing his job! My adoption friends will appreciate this). On Jace's turn, he just said "I love you Mishell!" Cutest thing. I think that's how we all feel. I felt an immediate protection and deep care for this little girl. This almost 11 year old little girl who has lived her entire life in an orphanage without the love and care of a family. Sure, we aren't perfect and we yell sometimes and we feed our kids junk from time to time, and etc. etc. but really, how must it feel to not have people to do all those things with? How unwanted must someone feel to sit in an orphanage for 11 years and to wonder what happened to her birth parents and to wonder when the day will come that she can have a family of her own? I could see so much on her little face. Years of wondering and worrying and hoping someone would accept her as their own. I wish for everyone to understand so much how complex adoption is, but that ultimately, at the end of the day, while it is imperfect and at times messy, that MANY of us can provide a stable home for a child. Will ours be perfect? Nope. I in no way think that. But is it a better alternative to an institution and someday (too soon for Mishell) being forced out of that institution out into the world with little tools to cope? I will have to write a whole different post about expectations going into adoption of this kind, because those are huge, but I can already feel myself getting wayyyy too long winded, so remind me some other day. Anyway, despite whatever hard that is coming, and we know it is coming, this is still a better alternative to where Mishell's current path is going.

So sorry for the rambling.

Moving on.

The rest of the morning was spent with Mishell alone. She gave us a tour of her house, told us about her day, her friends, and her likes and dislikes. We played out on the playground for quite a while. We then left for lunch at 1 and returned at 3. We were given a schedule with precise instructions for every day this week, which is also different to my recollection of when we adopted Flor. We went to lunch at a local mall/Megamaxi (Don't you love that name-it's a grocery store!). We had a cheap lunch of rice and chicken (note: fast food is super cheap here. Groceries, WAY expensive. I forget these things). We hit the grocery store and bought a few things to get us through the next few days as we had nothing, but couldn't have anything perishable since we weren't done for the day, so we will have to go again soon.) Anyway, at 3 we returned and spent another 1.5 hours with her. By this time, we were all soooo exhausted though and with a lack of activities to do (you can only swing and play on the teeter totter so many times if you know what I mean), we were starting to drag. We decided to go for a short walk to pass a little more of the time and then it was close to time to go. We left Mishell for the evening with the promise we would be back first thing in the morning.

We came home, had PB & J for dinner (all we could manage) and then sent the kids to bed. We followed shortly after. 

A few of my observations on Mishell:

She is extremely affectionate. I can tell this is an area where she gets some of her own self-worth. She needs to feel loved by physical touch. This is something we will work with her on and knowing that this should and needs to come primarily from her family now. She was very affectionate with us too but I anticipate she will be with everyone and anyone she meets when we get home. 

After walking a time, you can tell her feet started to hurt her. We will have to figure out what is going on with those. 

Her hair- oh boy- I am going to be in over my head. It is extremely course and thick. I asked her how often she washes it and she said every day. I think that's a no-no with her type of hair, but I will have to do some research and find out.

Starting yesterday, she has asked every few hours when she can come stay with us permanently. This breaks my heart in a way. Of course it is wonderful, but it speaks volumes of the type of belonging she needs and has been searching for her whole life.

She is darling with the kids. Her and Hallie are instant BFFs. They run and play together all day. Hallie is in heaven with a new, older playmate. I wonder how long this will last? Maybe it will. Who knows? What I did not anticipate was that Jace may be losing HIS playmate (Hallie). I thought this whole process would be hardest on Hallie, but I now think it will be Jace. Flor is happy with everyone. :) Mishell is very sweet with her and walks her around holding her hand and pushing her on the swing. Oh, the psychologist told us that she is very good with little kids, but we have to watch her because if they do something she doesn't like, she will hit them. Haha! Sounds like any kid I know.

The language has not been a huge barrier yet. Devin and I have done pretty well so far with understanding and speaking, however we haven't really gotten into any complex topics with her yet. The kids I am sure will pick up some Spanish quickly and I hope she will start to pick up English too. It's hard to know for how long we should speak Spanish to her so she understands us and when we should start using English more so that she can learn quicker? No guidebook on these things.

Anyway, I think that's enough for yesterday (more than enough, I know!). I will try to write about today too. And be less long winded. But no promises.

Some pictures!

First meeting. Sorry for the flowers in Jace's face!

The crew (faces to names are always so helpful! Top: Cecilia (try not to hate her, she was actually quite pleasant), Devin, Flor. Middle: MJB (Maria Jose is her actual name if you'd like to know), me
Bottom: Sor Maria (not sitting just for the record), Jace, Mishell, Hallie, Nurse Sandra, and Social Worker (? Dang can't remember her name). Hector, the psychologist, is kind of stern and I am guessing he did not want to be in our picture. Too bad.

Cutest siblings! 

Maybe one of my favorite pictures. Ever.

Ah yes, Flor enjoying her Ecuadorian lunch. She has probably felt so deprived all these years. She was in heaven. And we had a lot of stares. I guess we do look like a funny family in Ecuador. Even funnier with Mishell.

She's a little shy around the camera, so I haven't gotten any good face shots yet. But trust me, she is beautiful.

This city that I love. It is a bit crazy-- tons of traffic, everything is run down, people everywhere, but oh, I love it.

Whew. That's the end of day one.