The post placement report: 5.5 months

Well, folks. It's been almost 6 months since Flor joined our family. That's right. SIX MONTHS. That's just a little nutty for me.

I haven't updated on what has been going on with Flor for a little while, so here it is.

Flor finished the regular school year the last week of May, had a week off, and is now back in school for extended school year. However, ESY is only Tuesday-Thursday from 8:30-11:30 am, which really isn't much. I have searched high and low for programs for her for during the summer and even after school during the school year. I feel strongly that she needs the consistency of continuing to work on her goals and make progress. We are of course providing what we can at home, but Devin and I are not professionals in any sense of the word and so only know how to do so much. I can't find any programs that fit for Flor though. I have asked everyone I can possibly think of, and the answer is the same every time- there isn't anything. It's just weird to me because I worked at such a program in high school in IF and I can think of four or five other places who do similar things in Idaho Falls alone. But nothing here. Grr...

In the meantime, we are continuing to work on potty-training with Flor and she is actually doing remarkably well. She does not tell us when she needs to use the bathroom, but if we are consistent in putting her on the potty every 1-2 hours, she can stay generally dry and usually goes right away once she is on the potty. She is definitely getting it. We are so proud of the progress she has made. She gets really excited each time she goes. It's pretty cute. Now, just to get her to tell us when she needs the bathroom....

The loads of doctors appointments continue...and the fun thing about it is that each doctor we see ends up giving us a list of five or more additional doctors they want her to see. So far she has seen: the pediatrician, a infectious disease specialist, a family doctor, an ophthalmologist, and a developmental pediatrician, plus she had her MRI. The list of doctors she is supposed to see still: a metabolic geneticist, a pediatric neurologist, the Primary Children's dentist, a physiatrist, a psychologist, an orthopedist, and an audiologist. Don't worry, we are taking this slow. One at a time, one at a time. It's not overwhelming or anything.

The developmental pediatrician was really wonderful, though. She was through a program called "Children With Special Healthcare Needs" up in Salt Lake. We were told that she would be able to give Flor a diagnosis, but she was unable to do that beyond just the "intellectual disability" that we already knew. She did have some ideas in mind, but not having Flor's complete birth history and family history, she didn't want to pin down one diagnosis. Her thoughts were really helpful for me and she also gave me a lot of insights into how to get Flor the best services for people with disabilities, which was really great.

Flor had complete testing done at her school, along with an IQ test from a Psychologist (which was a joke, apparently). She tested between 12-14 months developmentally in every category, other than gross motor skills where she was 18 months. Her ability to throw a ball knocked her up on that one. :) This is in line with what her orphanage had told us and what we would say ourselves, other than in a few areas. Since Jace is close to that age range, it is interesting to compare the two. They are very similar in most areas, but Flor's comprehension and ability to follow simple commands is better than Jace's at this point. And that's in English. We have almost completely stopped speaking Spanish at all to her, and her ability to understand English is quite good. I would say that she can understand as much as she could in Spanish.

Flor's behaviors continue to improve as well, which we all love. She is really a sweet, social, and fun girl. One thing that has been fun for Devin and I recently is that she is starting to get really excited every time she sees us, when we come home from work or something. In the beginning, she rarely got excited to see us. It kind of hurt for awhile, because we didn't understand why she would run to strangers and show affection to them, but not to us. We discussed it a lot and came to the conclusion that she did this for a few reasons: 1) she was used to her main sources of affection coming from varied people each day. Never was it constant, so the constancy was something that she needed to get used to. She likes the excitement of having someone new around. 2) We are the ones who discipline her. We aren't fun and games all the time and she knows it.  But now, I think she is starting to understand who we are and that we aren't going anywhere. Her attachment to us has gone to a new level as she has begun to get excited and run over to give us a hug and a kiss when we get home. It's about the best thing ever.

I think we have made amazing progress as a family in the last six months and anticipate that that will continue for the next six months. Already it feels like our family is not complete without Flor. I can look back and see just how hard the first few months were, especially the first month or so of being home. It was rough, to say the least. I can see now that many of our challenges didn't even have to do with Flor directly, but going from one child to three in the past year, dealing with essentially two babies day in and day out, and heightened emotions from all of us. Now, the feeling of just trying to survive each day has faded, and more and more the joy has crept in and replaced it. The hard days still happen, but we have stretched, grown, and become stronger and as such, I feel like Devin and I have become more able to cope with those days. I don't know what it was-- but I feel like I was a bit crazy for the first few months home. The littlest things would either cause me to break down and cry or to have a flash of anger (which I am not used to). I am seeing less and less of that in myself, which is nice. Stability is always a good friend, right? (Too much information for some? Sorry-- the real me here.)

A quick note on support. I feel like I have had the best support group ever through this process, which has also been essential. Devin has been amazing. How did I get so lucky to marry this man? I don't know many men who would put their lives on hold and agree to pursue his wife's dream of bringing a fairly severely disabled seven-year-old girl home from a foreign country. Not only did he support it, he embraced it. Flor has been every bit his as she is mine from the very beginning and he has opened his arms and his heart to her in a way I could have only dreamed would happen. I have relied on him A LOT (maybe an unfair amount?) and I am so grateful that he is patient, kind, and a great source of encouragement to me. (Insert lovey-dovey, mushy love note that I know you all want to read. Make up your own. I'll spare you.)

Along with his support, I count my blessings every day that I have met the wonderful friends I have specifically because we all pursued/are pursuing adoptions in Ecuador. I email, text, and facebook with these ladies frequently and their friendship and advice is invaluable to me. I know that I can be 100% myself and tell the story how it really is without fear of any judgement at all. Why? Because they are "there" too. While our challenges may manifest themselves differently (I am not having problems with my child refusing to speak English, even though he knows it, for example), they still just get it. That alone is amazing. But beyond that, we have a friendship where we can discuss every day things, too. We just click. I know that a huge blessing of this process is the gaining of friendships with all of these women, the few in particular who were in Ecuador with us, as well as a few others that I have never yet met, but who I feel extremely close to.

So. How about that. A huge smorgasbord of things reported on. Done and done.  Until next time...