All About Mishell

I know those of you that followed our adoption journey have been wondering how Mishell is doing since she got home. I have had zero motivation to update the blog (see post below), but now it is time! So, here's how Mishell is doing and what she has been up to in the last 4+ months since she's been home (has it really been that long?!)

Overall, I would say that Mishell's adjustment has been incredibly good. It has been much smoother than Devin or I anticipated. We prepared ourselves for behavioral issues, sadness from the losses she had experienced, and attachment issues. I think aside from some minor (normal for her age) behavioral issues and occasional sadness, things have been really great adjustment wise. Mishell is not defiant and always responds well to correction (rarely does she make the same mistake again). She has shown a little sadness and honestly I wish she would show more. This is one of the areas she struggles in and a big reason why I want to get her some more therapy. She has a really hard time expressing emotions. That's not to say that she's a stoic, straight faced child. She is generally very happy and has no problem expressing happiness, laughter, fun, etc. It's the hard stuff that she has a hard time processing. She doesn't exhibit sadness very often nor does she react to situations where maybe she should be angry or a little fired up, you know? When we have had to have conversations about things, if she perceives anything to be confrontational at all, she shuts up like a clam and won't speak. For example, we had an incident shortly after she got home where she stole a toy from the DI (like a 50 cent toy). I knew that she likely didn't know any better and Devin and I went to talk to her about it in a non-accusatory way, and she wouldn't talk to us for hours, even when we reassured her that she was not in trouble, but that we just wanted to talk about right and wrong and how she could remedy the situation. Each time something like this comes up, it is like pulling teeth to get her to communicate. We recently had another situation where the kids fed a whole bottle of (previously un-opened) vitamins to themselves and some younger cousins at grandma and grandpa's house. When we went to talk to the kids about it, Hallie immediately started wailing and cried for hours because she knew that what she had done was wrong. Mishell, on the other hand, sat there and stared at us and wouldn't say a word for the entire night. Little by little, we are trying to get her to open up and see that we communicate about things in this family. I know that she is this way as a product of her upbringing. She has likely never had these types of conversations and doesn't know how to converse about things she perceives as difficult. So, we are working on it. :)

Mishell is a wonderful helper around the house. She is good at dishes and cleaning bathrooms, which are her chores. She does not complain about it, but just gets things done. She is a great sister to all the kids and especially cute with Flor (most of the time). She will often go get Flor in her pajamas or bathe her without us even asking. She likes to be praised and to be told that she is doing a good job, so we try to be mindful of this. We have discovered over time, more of what she likes. She loves riding her bike, coloring (and she is neat and careful about her art work), playing American Girl dolls with Hallie, and doing crafty like things. She really is a happy, helpful girl and really easy to be around. We enjoy her happy spirit.

School wise, we are having a bit of a struggle there getting Mishell the help she needs. This all ties in to medical stuff, so we will combine the two topics. Mishell met with an orthopedic doctor at Shriner's shortly after we got home in order to assess her leg length discrepancy (one leg is about an inch longer than the other, which contributes to her awkward type gait). The doctor wanted her to have an MRI of her brain because she also has an eye that is weaker than the other. The opthamologist explained that her brain just does not use this eye unless forced to do so. Instead, she uses only the other eye for her seeing. It is too late in her life to do a patch or anything like that. So, the orthopedic doctor was suspicious that something had occurred with one part of her brain, thus the leg issue and the eye issue. Therefore, the MRI to see what was going on. We then saw a neurologist for the results of the MRI and between her and our pediatrician, we have somewhat of an explanation of what may have happened to Mishell at birth that caused some of these issues. She likely was either born very prematurely, which caused some damage to her brain, or more likely according to the pediatrician is that she suffered some asphyxia at birth (oxygen deprivation). The pediatrician, after seeing the results (and not knowing Mishell well), said "She likely struggles with memory, concentration, and attention and this will continue throughout her life." These things are all true of Mishell. She had been on ADHD medication at the orphanage, but for some reason they took her off prior to our coming, so just within the last month she has started that up again here. It has made a HUGE difference in her ability to concentrate and to remember things. The other issue medically, the leg length discrepancy, is being addressed through surgery that is scheduled the 29th of this month. The orthopedist will go in and put a screw into her growth plate in her right leg (OUCH) to stop the growth there and allow the left leg to catch up. We hope that this will help Mishell with her walking and feeling more confident in herself.

So school wise. We knew that Mishell was behind when we adopted her, but we didn't know how far behind. She has been tested in Spanish and is significantly, significantly behind. We believe that this is not because she can't learn, but because she has not had the resources and help she needs to succeed in school to this point. She likely just skated by in Ecuador and they passed her from grade to grade so that she could be someone else's problem. Here, Devin and I put her right into 5th grade (grade level) and tried to help her keep up on the grade level homework. It quickly became exhausting and completely unrealistic. Not only did we have a language barrier, but it seemed like Mishell didn't have the basics she needed to be doing the work she was expected to do. We had her reading books in Spanish and writing a book report every two weeks  (per her class's schedule). We soon realized that even in Spanish, she had no idea what she was reading and writing was an absolute joke. It became not worth our time at all to have her remain doing anything in Spanish, so we switched her to just reading English books, but on kindergarten or first grade level. Instead of writing a book report once every two weeks, we have her writing one almost every day, but on "The Cat Sat on the Rug" type books. This way, she is learning English at a basic level and learning to write in English with correct grammar. This has been a good method so far and now that she is on the right meds, her ability to concentrate and remember the books has greatly improved. We have a tutor that comes over 2-3 times a week and works with her as well. This has been good because she works a lot harder for him than she does for us and it gives us a break. The amount of time spent on homework alone per day with her is exhausting.

I had parent teacher conferences with the kids' teachers in January and went in thinking that I needed to get Mishell an IEP (individualized education plan). I talked to my brother-in-law before hand, who is a vice principal, to get tips. He told me that the school would try to deter me and that they would want to do other things first because IEPs are a lot of work and effort. So, I went in ready for battle. But at the very mention of the IEP, Mishell's teacher was like "I COMPLETELY agree!" I wondered why it took me coming to parent teacher conferences for her to mention this. She then showed me the results of Mishell's testing in Spanish, which had happened in EARLY DECEMBER...that showed that she was far, far behind, even in her own language. I was shocked that no one had contacted me when they'd had those results for so long. I also found out that she spends her days pretty much on a computer the whole time doing some learning program. I understand, I really do, because her teacher has a class full of other kids that she has to teach and she can't cater to Mishell all day, but I was super disappointed that the school seemed to know that Mishell needed an IEP and they had done nothing to initiate that process until I brought it up. I'm upset about all the wasted time that we could have been working on this. I am frustrated that she goes to school all day to play the computer.

I spoke with the principal that day to get the IEP started. He told me that the district has 45 days to get the testing done and it would likely take the full 45 days. THUS, it would have been nice to start back in December, you know what I mean? Wasted time. It frustrates me. I know that Mishell is capable of learning and she has progressed already a ton with our help and with her tutor. But, imagine what she could be doing if she was in a specialized program every day at school too. She could be leaps and bounds ahead of where she is now. So, she still has no IEP. The school called me a few weeks ago to say that the district had done some testing, but they wanted to hold off a year on the IEP because they thought A) maybe it's still a language issue only (which their testing showed IT IS NOT) or B) Mishell probably didn't ever go to school in Ecuador so that's why she is behind (nice assumption. She did go to school. Every day.) I brought a copy of all her report cards into the principal that day. I also went to the pediatrician to get a copy of his notes from our conversation about the MRI and he told me he'd to better than that and wrote an awesome letter that very day explaining that Mishell needs accommodations NOW. So things are back on track now, but I am assuming it will take the full 45 days and by then, we will be at the end of the school year. Nice eh? I called the special education coordinator for the district this week just to see if he can help speed things up any and he told me that he cannot. So. Here we wait. In the meantime, Mishell gets a lot of computer time at school and has a reading specialist come in and work with her. The pediatrician was not thrilled about the computer thing, saying that Mishell's ADHD like symptoms are going to be exponentially increased with screen time compared to a normal child. He said to essentially use electronics as a very rare treat. So, fun that that's what she does all day. And, don't even mention me homeschooling. No, thanks. Things would be even worse with me as a homeschooler. The good news is that we are moving (oh yeah, we are moving) soon and I hope that the new school has more resources in place. It appears to be a big school and from people I have talked to, it sounds like it has a great special education program. So we can hope and pray that they are a little more proactive than this school has been. I will likely keep the kids at this school through the end of the school year, just because I don't want to change them for a month. But let's pray next year is a positive, progressive experience!

So lest you just think Mishell is dumb, she is not. I just think that she has not had the resources she needs AT ALL to this point in her life. We are barely beginning to understand how to help her learn best and to succeed in school. I have confidence that she can catch up with the right help. The good news is that Mishell loves school. She has many friends there and comes home happy every day. I am thrilled that the kids have embraced her and that no one has made fun of her or bullied her (that I know of). She has been so well accepted and I am so thankful.

Language--that's coming along. We perhaps had some unrealistic expectations of how fast Mishell would learn English. Some people told us that she would be fluent in six months. Well, she is by no means fluent. She can get her point across and uses basic sentences. She cannot converse in complex speech to this point, though. She is learning more and more all the time and we are happy with that. We like to encourage her to just try to use words because a lot of time, she clams up, probably thinking she is going to say it wrong, so she doesn't want to say anything at all. I think it helps that she has so many younger siblings to converse with. She and Hallie are two peas in a pod-- they are best buddies most days, but have their occasional spats as sisters do.

I mentioned that Mishell is in equine (horse) therapy and this has been a really wonderful thing for her. She loves going so much. It has taught her a lot of interpersonal skills as she interacts with the horse-- she was deathly afraid of the horse at first, and now she confidently leads him around and rides him like she has been doing it forever. She gets to be the leader and the boss of the horse and she has to be assertive to get him to do what she wants. She has to learn to trust him and vice versa and these types of skills were completely foreign to Mishell in building relationships with people. It has been really fun to see her blossom with the therapy. We will definitely continue this for some time. As mentioned, we are working on finding her an individual therapist as well to help her with some of the emotional stuff. I think she will make great progress having this type of therapy in addition to the equine therapy.

So let's see-- I think that about covers it. We are grateful that Mishell is in our family and for the joy she brings. I hope you see can see through these posts this type of adoption for what it is-- it is complex and difficult in many ways, but such a blessing. I really feel such gratitude that Mishell is adjusting so well and has no major issues. Nothing we are facing with her did she have any control over- just sad circumstances that led to her not having the upbringing she deserved and the services she needed from the time she was very young.

We have a sealing date scheduled for Mishell in April and we are so thrilled. I know that she is part of our eternal family and taking the sacred step to make it final is exciting. :)

A 5th Perry Child...

So this may be a long-winded post, just a forewarning!!

Shortly after we got home from Ecuador, Devin and I were having a conversation about family planning. Prior to adoption Mishell, you may remember that I felt strongly that it was time to add to our family. I got pregnant quickly and miscarried at 9 weeks. It was from there that we had the promptings to go in the direction of adoption. I knew that Mishell was meant for our family and that the promptings I felt to add to our family were because  she is our child and she is supposed to be with us.  During the adoption process, when the topic of having another baby came up, Devin and I would just shelf it because it was too difficult to discuss and try to make a decision when we were in the middle of the horrendous adoption process. We needed to focus on getting Mishell home and taking care of her needs.

By the time we got home from Ecuador, Devin was leaning towards having another baby and I was definitely leaning against it. I felt that our family was complete. Devin wanted to try to have a baby quickly because our youngest was turning 5 and he knew that the odds of us having more than one more were (are) slim. So one night shortly after I got home, we were having the discussion and trying to come to a decision but we were really at odds in the discussion. I felt it was unfair to Mishell to try to get pregnant right away. I didn't want to send a message to her that she was some half thought out thing and that the real prize was coming next. I know that may not make sense to some of you, but it was my thought process. I also didn't want her needs to be short changed as she was adapting to being in a family, adjusting to a new language, trying to adapt to a new culture, etc. I knew that having a baby would mean another person who needs a lot of attention. I also worried that there was too big of a gap between Jace and the next child if we were to wait. Plus, Jace goes to school this fall and I was thinking how nice it would be to have them all in school and kind of moving on to the next phase of life. So, I felt it was likely best that we be happy with the family we have and call it complete.

I found out I was pregnant a few days later. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. And if I told you that there weren't any tears, that would be a lie. I am the type of person that likes to plan things and be in charge of what's happening in my life, but I should know by now that it just does not work that way. Anyway, I just felt a lot of sadness at first for Mishell and for what this would mean for her and her place in our family. I was talking to my cousin one day about it though, and she pointed out that maybe the baby will be a sort of glue that will help Mishell feel more part of our family. It will be the only family member that she will be here for from day one. As I began to shift my thinking, I could see that this could be true. I also just had to recognize that clearly, Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and that includes another little one. If I had been in charge and made decisions on my own, I don't think I would have agreed to another baby. It had to be done for me.

I wish I could say that once I had these realizations, everything was flowers and butterflies from there. But it really hasn't been. I have been so incredibly sick this pregnancy. I was sick with Jace like this too, but I think this time has been even worse. So nauseated I could hardly stand. My bed and I are far too close at this point. And this has gone on for the entire time, up until this week (18 weeks). I have been on every pill imaginable to make me half functional. Devin is a saint. I just count my blessings every day that he is my husband and my partner. He gets up every morning with the kids and gets them all ready for school, gets breakfast made, and gets Flor on the bus usually before I am even awake. He gets them all to bed at night, has made dinner most of the time after working long days, and gets me to bed by 9 pm (I have been sleeping like it's going out of style!). I don't know, maybe it's because I am older, but this time has just seemed to wipe me out. Devin does all of this without a complaint. Oh and I didn't mention deep cleaning the house every Saturday while I usually hang about. I have had to keep working because I carry the insurance and that has been hard, but it's also been good because it gets me out of the house and makes me feel somewhat functional. Anyway, this week I have felt more alive than dead, so I think we have turned the corner (hallelujah).

So in the midst of all this, I have carried A LOT of guilt about the type of parent I have been for Mishell. It makes me sad to even think about it. I have not been there for her in the way that I should be. I am irritable, not fun, and sleeping most the time. I wonder what she even thinks about coming into this and wondering if this is what a mom is supposed to be like? I am sure I am not the mom she envisioned when she dreamed about joining a family for all those years. Devin again has been amazing...he is such a good dad and has been there for Mishell and helped her adjust. He is kind and patient with her. He has taken her to her therapy appointments and to her doctors appointments when I can't. She has developed a close bond with Devin and I can tell that she adores him. I have tried with her, but I know I have fallen short. This was my worry going into having another child, and I fear that these first few formative months with our family have been not what they should be because I haven't felt well. When we told the kids that I was pregnant, Hallie jumped for joy, Jace was out of his mind excited, and Flor is hit and miss (but she really has no idea what is going on). Mishell, on the other hand, has shown no excitement at all about it. When we bring it up, she will nod her head and acknowledge the conversation, but she doesn't want to talk about it and she doesn't express any happiness about it. I am so worried that she feels displaced already. We are trying to find her a therapist to help process some of her feelings and I want this to be something she can feel safe talking about with someone else. However, this has been a struggle because there are zero therapists in our area that we can find who are female, speak Spanish, and take our insurance. I heard about one in Salt Lake yesterday that we may take her to, even though that's a bit of a distance.

I told you this would be long-winded. Writing this all out is really therapeutic for me too. Please don't judge my honesty here. I know, I KNOW I will love this baby and I already do. I have no worries about that. My worries are primarily focused on timing and Mishell's needs. I don't ever want the baby to feel unwanted or unloved, but I think I can safely write some of the feelings going into this without that being the case.

So, all along I felt STRONGLY that this baby was a boy. I pretty much told everyone who asked that I knew it was a boy already. I felt that perhaps the reason I got pregnant is because Jace needs a brother and to provide that for him when I otherwise likely would not have. Devin and all the kids thought it was a boy too. Jace told us that he knew it was a boy, quite emphatically, because "the Holy Ghost told him so!". How do you argue with that? :)

We had the ultrasound yesterday and imagine our surprise to find that our little one is in fact a girl. Jace was there (all the girls were in school) and he immediately laid his head on the table and started crying. My heart broke for him. He has wanted a brother for so long. During Mishell's adoption process, Jace often asked "When are we going to adopt a brother?!" (That was his understanding of how kids come into families-- he has had two sisters join the family that way and no siblings the biological way, after all). So, I am even a little more confused than ever now. I don't know why we felt so strongly about a boy. I am not disappointed at all that it's a girl-- I love my girls and I look at the strong relationships I have with my sister and cousins who are like sisters to me and want that for my girls. I am so excited for another little princess to join our family. But my heart does break for Jace and his desire to have a brother. I know you'll be saying, "This just means that you are supposed to have another one!" but, I don't think so. I think this is it. This pregnancy has been too difficult on me and our family. I don't think we can go through the arduous adoption process another time. It is so taxing in so many ways- emotionally, physically, financially. I just think this is our caboose and we'll enjoy her and be done.

I know that this post could be horribly offensive to some who have tried so hard to have a baby for so long. I hope you don't take it that way and I hope that you know that my intention is just to process this journey and what it's been like for me. Please know that I sympathize completely with how hard it must be to watch others get pregnant without intending to while you struggle for years. 

I know this whole thing makes it sound like I am not at all excited about the baby, but that's not the case either. I am excited for this little girl. I know she will bring us a lot of joy, just as each of our kids have. We look forward to her arrival this summer!! 

about 10 weeks- first doctor's appointment

14 weeks. Cute little monkey

Oh, I added this because I have had so many people do little things that are actually big things throughout this pregnancy. I work with a lady at the hospital who has been a nurse for over 40 years. She is a little tough around the edges, shall we say, but has the softest heart. She won't outright tell you that she cares about you, but you know she does by her actions. One day on a weekend while working with her, she knew I was not feeling well, so she want all over the hospital looking for some ginger ale. She couldn't find any, but when I came into work the next day, this was sitting on my desk. She had gone to the store after work and picked me up some ginger ale. How sweet is that? She also brought crackers on other days and went searching for ginger ale again the other day at the hospital (and was successful this time). She just takes care of me and I am grateful :)

Oh and this one was from my UAS co-worker Krystal. She's a real gem too. She has given me all sorts of remedies to try during the pregnancy. She told me lime-aids helped her, so she brought me one from Sonic one day and it did help!

I think I took pictures sporadically with the other kids. I will try to do better with this one. I think this is 16 weeks

17 weeks. I am the type of person that just gets wide and fat during pregnancy, not pregnant looking. It's fun. 

18 weeks. It's a girl!

And that's that.

Happy 5th Birthday Jacer Boy!

Our sweet (crazy) little baby is a giant 5 year old all the sudden! How did this happen?! Seriously, time flies. Our Jacer celebrated his 5th on March 1st. Good thing he is okay with laid back parties, because that is what we had. I started ordering his presents on Amazon a few days before the big day (I probably shouldn't confess that in such a public record, should I?) He determined that he wanted Hawaiian Haystacks for dinner (what else?) and a batman cake, which was easy enough to order from the local grocery store. Lucky boy got to go to daycare on his birthday so he took donuts there and was just thrilled that they sang to him. It's the little things, people. 

We had dinner at home, cake and ice cream, and of course presents. We loved celebrating our boy, even if it was low key!

Grandpa Dave and Grandma Sharon sent this as part of Jace's gift. Chocolate fudge. :) hahah!

At age 5, here's some fun facts about Jace:

*He's still on the huge side--95% for weight and 95% for height. 

*There aren't even quite words to describe this kid and his personality. He is outgoing, friendly, personable, chatty, social, talkative, did I mention social, happy, a good helper, and hilarious. I have NO idea where he comes from. I mean I am social and friendly, but this kid takes it to a new level. Devin's only son and he is nothing like him :). For example, one day at church, before we even knew he was gone, he was up sitting with a 16 year old boy asking him to make him a paper airplane. Then sacrament ends and he zips to the back without even stopping to check in with us to show our home teacher his new airplane. Then, he's back at the front checking with Brother Sweeten to see if he brought his treat for the week (Yes-- he has an arrangement with a man in our ward to bring him a treat every week-- poor man), then he is running by the Bishop's office to pick up a treat off his desk, then off to primary. All this time, we are chasing him and saying "Jace, get back here!" Does he care-- not so much.

*Speaking of treats and Jace's embarrassing behavior, he continues to go to the neighbor two doors down and ask for treats on a whim. He usually comes home with things like a whole big bag of m&ms, a box of creamies, etc. It's horrifying. The other day, she brought him some treats to the house (she is kind like that-- I think she is a good sport about the whole thing) and the next day he ran over asking for more, telling her that "my mom and dad ate them all!" (which was NOT true--we hadn't even had any!!). That kid. When I tell him he has to stop doing this, he says, "I am working hard at it mom, I really am, I just can't quit all the way!" I need to get him a support group or something...

*Jace is a smart boy even though we have not worked with him nearly as much as we did with Hallie. He knows all his letters and sounds and can write his name quite well. He can count to who knows how high. I think he will pick up reading quickly in kindergarten.

*Jace is a lefty! Weird.

*Jace is into trains, legos, lincoln logs, coloring, riding his bike, playing with balls, going to the park, and watching movies/ipad of course. He can entertain himself pretty well, which is a blessing since he is the only kid at home during the day.

*Jace has a soft heart and is very sweet and caring when he wants to be. He is the first to share with someone who wants something and gives out hugs and kisses to all of his sisters, Devin, and me on a regular basis. He has the cutest little grin and when he is sweet like that, it just melts my heart. It helps make up for some of his crazy antics!

We love you Jacer boy!

SO Apparently February was Boring...

This is about the sum total of pictures I took in February. Awesomeness. 

Despite my buying boxed Valentines, the kids were still cool on Valentines Day because their dad helped them make awesome boxes. He's a keeper.

And he got me these awesome flowers cause he's amazing like that.

We inherited the most amazing HUGE box of Legos from our neighbors. Umm...jackpot, right?!

We finally got to go to the Provo Temple Open House! It was so amazing. We love that temple and its history. It was dark and late by the time we got out, thus the dark picture. :(

But Mikey and Lara look good!

What a beautiful place

Ok...so long February!

January Randoms

 Apparently January was not that random. Here's a few shots from the rest of the month:

Crazy hair day at school! Hallie's is blue and silver, because I know you can't tell.

Just hanging with my buddy

Apparently I hung out in bed a lot this month....

Mishell and Devin got to go to a Jazz game thanks to Uncle Aaron and Aunt Mesha! They had a great time. Uncle Travis, Katelyn, and Aunt Alisa and her friend also went. 

Girls Weekend!!

My best girl friends from high school and I were able to plan a girls weekend and ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH in January! We met in Boise as that is where Anneka and Kylee live. Haylee flew in from Illinois and Camille from California. We were able to stay at Kylee's mom's house while she was out of town and it was perfection. We had a glorious weekend together and it was incredibly refreshing and awesome for me. 

We spent time out and about on Saturday, shopping, getting pedicures, and going out to dinner. Sunday we went to church, played Chopped, and watched the Poop Scene. We left Monday morning to drive back home. Much to much fun and much to much food was had by all! I hope we can make it an annual thing.

Trying to re-enact our awesome glory days of the Winco sunglasses. I think our sunglasses choices are much improved if I do say so myself.

How about these fashionable pants found at Target??

CHEETAH SHOES!!

The socks are an especially nice touch

Oh boy

Pedicures- perhaps the first in my life?

Haylee was awesome enough to make us reunion t-shirts! Also a throwback to our awesome high school days where we went around wearing matching t-shirts :)

Cafe Rio...always a winner

Chopped!! So much fun

Actually edible-- way to go ladies!

Actually very tasty desserts. Way to go ladies!

Thanks girls for the fabulous weekend!!