UAC Conference Recap

Alright, so this post is mainly geared toward my friends who have/are adopting from Ecuador, but anyone else who is interested in my thoughts can read on as well.

I attended the Utah Adoption Council annual conference this past week with my co-workers in order to get CEUs (continuing education credits), which are required for me to keep my license as a social worker. I have been to the conference in years past too, but this year was really phenomenal for me because instead of just viewing the information through the lenses of a "professional", I actually gathered a lot as a new adoptive parent.

The first session we attended was a double class called, "Foster Care & Adoption Related Stress: Practical Coping Strategies for Kids and Families." This was by far my favorite and the most applicable to me. It was presented by two professors from USU, who both have years of experience under their belts with post placement issues. One is also a mother of four biological kids and two children she and her husband adopted from the foster care system, so not only was she able to present from the view point of a scholar, but she also had practical experience in the trenches. Both were fabulous presenters. I was enthralled the whole time.

To start the presentation, they showed a clip from a Dr. Phil show, which is here: 
(warning: this is a little tough to watch. Not for the faint of heart!)

This case apparently made headlines a few years ago (what rock was I living under-- I had never heard of it). This mom went on the Dr. Phil show seeking help because she felt out of control with her adopted son. The clip shows her methods of punishing this son.

After the clip, the presenters asked for comments on people's reactions. I was silent because I didn't dare volunteer the fact that I felt empathy for this mom. Of course I agree that what she did was terribly wrong, but the whole time I was thinking that I feel for her because I know the frustration all too well that can arise. Don't misunderstand me here...I have never abused Flor in any way and I hope that I would never think that any form of abuse was okay,  but I have definitely felt more frustrated at points in this journey than I ever have before in my life. This poor woman just cracked at some point and got into an out of control downward spiral.

Back to the presentation though. Luckily, amidst the gasps and the comments about how awful this lady is, there were quite a few people who also commented on the fact that they feel empathy for her. She was obviously crying out for help and didn't like the way things were going in her family.  One person commented, "I am sure that she didn't plan to go to Russia to adopt this child just so that she could abuse him." Obviously there was a journey from point A to point B. That doesn't mean that what she did was right, but it was so good to hear people thinking about the situation from all viewpoints (what can I say-- sounds like a room full of social workers, right?)

The presentation then went on to talk about post adoption stress and situations that can arise.  The woman gave a few analogies that I just loved. She talked about how she was like a German Shepherd, and prior to adopting her twins, she had four little German Shepherd puppies (her biological children). They all looked like German Shepherds, they walked in a perfect line behind her like German Shepherd puppies, and they acted like German Shepherds. Then, along came her twins and while she expected them to get in line behind the other "puppies", they were more like wild tiger cubs. They looked different and they certainly acted like wild tigers instead of like good little German Shepherd puppies. So, instead of parenting her tiger cubs just like she did her German Shepherd puppies, she had to adapt her parenting to match the personalities, needs, behaviors, etc. of these new children. So simple, yet so powerful.

from here

from here

The other analogy she gave is that prior to her twins, she and her husband were like a white Subaru on the road. They were sleek, new, high functioning, and just like a million other white Subarus on the road. They blended in; they didn't cause scenes. But then, the twins came along and they traded their nice white Subaru in for an old, run-down, green van.

From here

The van definitely stands out more, right? The family became the one that everyone notices, the one that everyone points to and says "look at them- they're different". They became the family that dealt with break down after break down on the side of the road, the family that is sometimes just putt-putting along to make it, but doing their best to make it just the same.

These analogies spoke right to me. I have felt just like the German Shepherd mom, with two perfect little German Shepherd cubs who have been molded and shaped as they follow my lead. Then, along comes the tiger cub, who doesn't follow suit at all. It's powerful just to recognize the difference though, as in doing so, the expectations for Flor to conform to exactly what our two biological children are disappear. Instead, we can embrace the tiger cub in her, the need to be herself, the desire to walk her own path and to be who she truly is. After all, she is a tiger, not a German Shepherd, so she cannot be expected to be something she is not.

I also loved the van analogy. Yep. I feel it wherever we go, though so far I haven't really had anyone ask me questions or comment. I would almost prefer that to the stares though. We may be limping along and we may be the family whose children are all screaming at the same time in the store, thus drawing all sorts of attention like the green van that doesn't quite look like all the other cars on the road, but what we look like doesn't matter so much as the fact that we are making it. Slowly but surely, we are making it.

The presentation then went on to talk about practical ways for professionals to help families who are struggling in the post-placement phase. I loved a lot of it, but there is way too much to share here. A major point of discussion was about how every time you bring something or someone new into a system, the whole system adjusts in some way. The dynamics of the family have to change and since they do, what suffers during the adjustment period? A lot of times it is the couple relationship, or the other children already in the family who struggle. When the stress and difficulties go un-managed, burnout happens.  This can be true of any change in a family dynamic, whether it is bringing a new baby home from the hospital or bringing a seven year old child home from a foreign land. The woman presenter said something in this regard that really spoke to me, too. She was talking about how the dynamics of the family change and when steps aren't taken to adjust to a new balance and the stress gets out of whack, that is when rough things start to happen, like the woman in the video shows. She added that she has never abused her children, but she said, "I have gone a lot of places that I didn't want to go".  How true that is for me, too. As I talked about before, my patience has been tried (particularly in the first few weeks, now that I can look back on them) in ways I never expected. I have had reactions to things that I didn't think would normally upset me. I have had to take time-outs in my room to regain my thoughts and sense of control.

There is something really powerful about having a situation normalized. That's what this presentation did for me-- normalized a lot of thoughts and feelings that I have been through in the past few months. I can look back now and see that I was under a lot of stress in the first few weeks after getting home and that a lot of things that were really upsetting to me in the beginning are not as upsetting any more. I hope that I can look back to now in a few months and see more progress. I think that introspection and honesty with oneself are so important in the post-placement process.

 One final point that they made that helped me is the concept of "bridging the gap"- that is bridging the gap between our expectations of a situation and the reality. And, as they put it, "We don't even understand our expectations until they aren't being met." Think about that for a minute. It's so true. I don't think I can pinpoint exactly what my expectations where prior to our adopting Flor, but I can tell you that I certainly didn't go into it saying, "I would love to have a child who cries uncontrollably for no reason at all and one who bites, pulls hair, and bangs her head. I would love to have a child who is traumatized from her past experiences and has no way to communicate her grief. I would love to have a child who is afraid of attachment." Of course we knew that Flor would have some difficulties, but the reality has been much harsher than we knew to prepare ourselves for. Thus, we are now in the process of bridging the gap in order to deal appropriately with the reality.

Okay, I know that I have gone on forever and I am sure many of you who have read to this point are sufficiently talked out of ever adopting and/or are quite worried about our well-being. However, let me just assure you that things are not that bad around here. In fact, I told my co-workers after the presentation that it actually helped me to feel really secure and happy with where we are. Of course we have had our struggles, but in all reality, we are doing well. We have a child who is attaching and bonding, albeit slowly. We have a child who is making great strides in school and is really progressing with her behaviors. Our day to day is looking up- less tears and more happiness, smiles, and spontaneous kisses and hugs. We have only been home two months and I know that it can take other families much longer to start to feel "normal" again. We are getting there. We aren't anywhere near the point of burnout. Devin and I each have down time every day to rest, recuperate, and prepare for the next day. And in all honesty, I feel like the struggles that we have been through with Flor have all been to the betterment of ourselves and our family. I feel myself becoming more of who I want to be-- and a lot of that is because the struggles we have had have pushed me to explore aspects of myself that need correcting. I am closer to my Heavenly Father than I have been in a long time. I don't know if we would be where if we had walked any other path. We are glad to be on the one we are.

Five Years Married

Today marks Devin and I's 5th Anniversary. Who would have thought that after five years, we would:

*Still be living in Provo

*Have THREE children (holy cow)

*Have lived in 4 different houses (but going on three years in our current one...)

*Have spent ten weeks in Ecuador adopting a beautiful seven year old daughter

*Have both graduated with our Bachelor's Degrees

*Experienced the death of seven (yes count them, seven) family members (all on my side--and it all started right when he was joining the family...we don't hold it against him).

Marriage isn't always easy, but it has brought me so much happiness. I am grateful that I have a partner who is committed to me and me to him despite the difficult things we sometimes have to endure together. I couldn't have picked a better partner for myself (okay, well I kind of did pick him for myself...seeing as I pursued him from the very first time I saw him. Good choice Kim, good choice). Devin and I went to dinner and out to ice cream last night to celebrate our anniversary and while there, we started talking about the strengths in our marriage and the areas where we could improve. It was good to be able to reflect on where we are and what we could do better, though once we got going, we were able to come up with a whole host of strengths that I hadn't considered in a long time. It was so nice to be able to just spend time with Devin, out and away from the home and kids. We figured it has been since before Flor came home that we have been able to go on a date. Too long...too long.

Life, jobs, and kids sometimes get in the way of our focusing on our marriage as much as we should, but I am grateful that we have remained strong and are more deeply in love today than we were five years ago. Happy Anniversary to us--here's to many more!

How about a few pictures, since no post is complete without pictures, right??

Engagement picture. Just babies.

Some of my best friends and bridesmaids the day of our wedding

You can't see all the grass, but as we were looking through these pictures together, we remembered how my brother-in-law Chris had woken up early the day of our wedding to go mow the grass and tend to the grounds at the Idaho Falls Temple (where he was employed) for us on our special day. What a thoughtful man. (Yesterday marked the three year anniversary of his passing, which is always a difficult to remember).

Here we are today. What better way to celebrate our anniversary than a trip to the Temple together? This time in Provo instead of Idaho Falls, but they're all equally wonderful.

Welcome Home (again!) G & G

Devin's parents returned this weekend from their 18 month mission to Estonia! It will be fun to have them home. They have been gone for the majority of our marriage as they were on a 2 year mission to Samara, Russia prior to this one, then home for 10 months or so before leaving for this mission. Of course we all thought that they would go to a more local mission this time, but they were called to the Baltic States Mission and served in the country of Estonia. They are such a great example of service to us and we have felt the blessings come into our family through their service, for which we are grateful. We are also grateful that we have been able to keep in touch with them via Skype and that our kids know them due to this wonder of modern technology, despite the fact that Jace and Flor just met them in real life for the first time this weekend.

They missed their first flight on the first leg of their journey from Moscow (where they visited Devin's sister Shawna and her husband Slava for about a week before coming home), so they didn't end up getting in until 11 pm Saturday night. We decided it was probably not in our kids' best interest to have them get up to go to see them at the airport since church is at 9 am Sunday...so I stayed home with them and Devin went up to greet his parents along with most of his siblings. He actually obeyed orders and took a few photos too!

Sunday, we all got together to have a dinner with Grandma and Grandpa and for Brylee's blessing. Ren did a wonderful job on the blessing of sweet Brylee. Of course we had to have a feast after the fact too, as no get together would be complete without a huge spread of food.

Jace and Grandpa decided to match! Cute. Zach (Devin's cousin) apparently matches too- we should have gotten him into the picture better, darn it. Speaking of missions, Zach just got his call this week, to Santiago Chile. Yay Zach!

There are some funny things about this picture (Devin's face for example--just kidding honey, it's hot) but I still think it's cute. Flor was glued to this little yellow chair for quite a while. Just her size...she loved it. Like I said before, she is doing so great staying in her space and I was surprised at how well she did yesterday. She wasn't running around trying to sit on everyone's laps...she just sat contentedly for the most part.

Jana, Karl, and Grady with Grandma and Grandpa.

Kirston, Travis ,and kids.

The family of the hour. Ren and Alisa with their two cute girls, Brynlee and Brylee. I don't know why the pictures of the families stopped here, but apparently I got half. Shoot. Aren't Devin's sisters all gorgeous? Side note: When I first met Devin, he was living with his sister Shawna in Idaho Falls and they had this huge family picture on the wall and I remember thinking the very first time I saw it, "I would never fit in with that family  (of course I already had my eye on Devin) because they are all too pretty for me!" I still think they are just an attractive family. It's true, no?

Welcome Home Elder and Sister Perry! (sorry about the glare)

Beautiful baby and beautiful mama.

Well, that's that. Devin's parents are making the rounds between the kids in the area each night this week, so we will get to have them at our house Wednesday night and part of the day Thursday before they head to St. George. We're excited.

P.S. I started watching some of the old videos on my blog the other day and couldn't stop laughing at this one (ignore the belly shot and just focus on the hilarity of Hals. She had just turned two and was super funny at that point.)

Praise Report: Flor

Thank you all for the positive comments and emails on the last post. I had a lot of people email me and share their thoughts, similar experiences, etc. Most were people who haven't adopted, but have just had similar feelings or hard times with biological kids. It is nice to know that you are not alone in things. It was also good to broaden my viewpoint to hear others relate similar feelings they have had with their children, albeit in very different situations. The universal truth is that we all struggle at some times and in some things and it is okay. Anyway, thanks for the support.

And, now I think it is time to mention some really positive things that Flor is up to in the last little while.

Flor has really improved in the areas of personal space and boundaries. It is something they are working with her on regularly at school and I first noticed it when I took her to the doctor a few weeks ago. Just to compare and contrast, at one of the first doctor visits we went to (just a few weeks after coming home), she was all over the place. We had never met this doctor before, and she continually tried to touch him, climb on his lap, etc. When I would remove her and sit her in the chair, she would freak out, arching her back and crying. It was bad. And exhausting. This last visit was also to a doctor that she hadn't met, and yet she sat quietly in the chair the whole time. She never got up to go over to him to have him hold her or to touch him (which was typical of her for any new man she would meet). I didn't even realize until we left, but then I thought about it the whole way home-- super huge improvement!

Flor is doing really great at school, it seems. Her teacher's reports are always very positive. They say that she loves to work, that she is doing good at staying in her own space, and that she can sit still in her chair for up to 20 minutes now without being prompted. That is big for church purposes as sitting still during Sacrament Meeting is important- and she has been able to do this. Her teachers have her working on her IEP goals- working on object permanence, stabbing play-doh with a fork (to learn to stab her food- she only knows how to scoop), and hand over hand tracing, putting pegs in board, etc. for fine motor skills. She also goes to the school library once per week and comes home with a book that she has chosen to check out. She has music time and PE once per week as well. She meets with the speech therapist and the physical therapist once per week at school.  We want to get her more speech therapy, but we are not sure how to fit it into the schedule right now. So, we will see. She is working on developing more signs. Right now she has 7 recognizable signs- eat, drink, more, watch, please, thank you, and bathroom.

Yes- speaking of bathroom, she finally mastered the sign! After all these months of trying to get her to use it, she is finally using it! Wahoo! Now, that doesn't mean that she tells us when she needs to go to the bathroom, but when asked to say "bathroom", she will. We use it every time we talk about the bathroom and every time we take her to the bathroom to help her solidify its meaning. While she was home all week last week for spring break, we got a little more serious about helping her understand the bathroom and using it. Baby steps, baby steps. By the end of the week, we had Flor naked whenever we were home. While she didn't tell us when she needed to go (I still don't think she gets that much), we would put her on the potty every 1-2 hours and she would go promptly. She also never had any accidents while unclothed. It was so exciting to see her make this much progress and to see her start to understand what we are wanting her to do. That's a big girl. Since being back in school, she has regressed a little bit...but it will take time and we understand that. We wrote a note to the school asking them to be as consistent as possible in taking her every few hours. They are, but the teacher wrote back and said that Flor seems to be scared of their potty because it flushes automatically while she is sitting on that (whoever thought of that for a special needs classroom? Not the most brilliant idea...). So anyway, her report today did say that she started to pull down her pants at one point, so they took her to the bathroom and she peed. Yay!! I don't know that Flor will ever be night potty trained and I think day time potty training is still a ways off, but these are really good steps in the right direction and we are really happy about it.

We have been swimming a few times lately, twice the weekend of Easter, and once this weekend while my mom was in town, and Flor LOVES it. This is great news. The first time she was a little timid and didn't enjoy it as much, but times 2 and 3 were a hit. She was hilarious. She putters around in an orange floaty and thinks it is great. She loves to "jump" in from the side of the pool--we would sit her on the side and then she would just launch herself in. She thought this was hilarious. She also tried to stick her face into the water as often as possible. She is a little fish! My mom mentioned that she has never seen Flor so happy nor laughing so much as when we were at the pool. I think that's true. The pool brings out a pretty funny side of her. She is in heaven. I am sure we will be doing a lot of pool time this summer as we have our 7 Peaks passes again and it is only a few blocks from our house. Convenient. We are definitely looking forward to it! Bring on the warm weather! Please...please....

So, in reality, there are quite a few really positive things happening with Flor and her progress. We are pleased. I am excited to see how things progress from here, too!

Adoption Truth

Recently I referenced blog post called "After the Airport", which talks about what adoptions like ours can really look like in the long haul- after all the balloons and flowers, happy-as-can-be family photos, and all the other hoopla that surrounds coming home with our new child. As much as it seems like our story has a wonderful, happy ending- after all, we made it home with our long-dreamed-of little girl after years of waiting- in actuality, the story was just beginning once we hit U.S. soil and stepped foot back into our homes and our lives.

I was recently introduced to a blog called "A Safe Place to Share" where other adoptive couples like us are sharing their reality, instead of the just the positive, rosy picture that is typically talked about after adoptions. This has been so helpful to me, to know that I am not alone in struggling at times. Because I want to be transparent about both the ups and the downs of international/older child/special needs adoption, here is a little bit of our own truth.

I have had a lot of people tell me lately that they think it is so wonderful what we are doing for Flor, or some variation of the same. But in all honesty, there have been many a day where I have wondered if we are actually doing any good at all. My response to those heaping praise on us is typically that they would be surprised if they know what happens behind closed doors. That happy family in all the cute pictures we post? Yeah, that happens sometimes. But, the reality is that more days than not include crying, screaming, loss of patience time and time again, and a lot of trying again.

Just in the last week or two have I felt that things are really starting to improve. We have gotten into a routine. We understand Flor a little better. She understands us a little better. We are making forward progress. But before that? It seemed like a far off, nearly unattainable place when the good days would outweigh the bad. I would sometimes get glimpses of such sweetness, joy unlike I have never experience before, but those experiences were the exception, not the rule. Even still, since moving forward into a 'better place' (for now), there are still times that are just rough. No other way to describe them.

Our "Honeymoon Period" with Flor lasted maybe a week, and then times started to get hard. It didn't help that we were in Ecuador and not in our home, our own routine, etc. Where we should have spent that time just focusing on her and bonding (and there was some of that), I don't feel like we gave her everything she needed there because we were too caught up in the stress of the process and of getting home. I kept telling myself, "Things will get better (bonding wise) when we get home because of x,y, z." I do feel like bonding has come more easily and more readily in the 7 weeks that we have been home, but part of that is probably the time factor, too.

Some other adoptive parents report having a hard time loving their adopted children, but in all honesty, I feel like love is not the issue for us. It may be splitting hairs to some of you, but I feel that love and bonding signify different things. These definitions came from Merriam Webster's Dictionary:

Love: (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties 

Bonding:
(1): the formation of a close relationship (as between a mother and child or between a person and an animal) especially through frequent or constant association 

I have felt a strong sense of affection (love) for Flor for six years. I care about her deeply and I feel similar feelings for her that I do for Jace and for Hallie (I won't say the "same" because even my feelings for Jace and Hallie differ-- I love each of my children separately and for different reasons. The feelings are intense, personal, and deeper than anything I have ever felt, yet feel different for each. Does that even make sense? One of those things that is difficult to put into words).


However, when it comes to bonding- the last part of the definition hits home- bonding comes especially through frequent or constant association. We haven't had frequent or constant association with Flor for six years. An occasional picture and a short blurb about how she is doing do not suffice or work as a substitute for constant, hour after hour, day after day, week after week caring for, playing with, and yes, even disciplining of her. I have said multiple times that one major difficulty for us in getting to know Flor is that she has seven full years of history that we can never possibly know or begin to understand. Our newborn babies come to us and we have a say in how they are raised, how they are disciplined, and how they are loved. We never got that say with Flor, until now. But, she already has a whole history and background. It is not like we are starting from scratch. I love this thought from a blog post I read recently:


Have you ever tried un-parenting and parenting at the same time?
It’s ummmm……fun?
Nope.
Pretty sure that’s not the word I am looking for.
(From HERE:  www.wearegraftedin.blogspot.com)

Seven years is a long time to form habits, behaviors, etc. that we don't understand. And we have A LOT to "unparent" with Flor. This is the main source of my frustration. I wish I knew why she bites herself when she is upset. I wish I knew what had happened the day she started to rock herself to sleep. I wish I had been there instead, to help her to not have the need to develop that self-soothing behavior (this isn't just a little rocking- sometimes she has to hit her head against the wall in order to fall asleep. Less now luckily, but still not unheard of). I wish I knew why she screams and cries for no apparent reason sometimes. I wish I knew why she pulls hair out of the blue. And on and on. But the fact is: we weren't there. We haven't been there. We weren't in her life until four months ago. 7 years without us, four months with us= she barely knows us. She still resists soothing quite often when she is upset. We can't go back and turn back time, so instead we get to pick up the pieces and hopefully help her attach and bond now, now that she is seven years old.

We are also Flor's fourth home, which may mean she is unsure of how long she will be here. Maybe in her mind this isn't permanent. Just a solution until the next place comes a long. I don't want her to feel that way, but lack the words and the ability to express that to her in a way that she will understand.


I think the thing that has been most painful during this process are the truths that I have learned about myself. I have generally considered myself to be a pretty good person, but let me tell you- I have never felt so exposed, so full of weakness in my entire life. I have a lack of patience that I don't even understand when it comes to Flor's negative behaviors. I think it is because I don't understand their source, the whys, and I don't often know how to help Flor.  And not to mention that Flor can't communicate what is going on in her mind with us and we in turn can't communicate to her the things that we want and need in way that she understands. It's a guessing game all the time. I feel like I have been and am being tested, stretched, and taught more than I ever have in my life.

 A scripture comes to mind, though, that is always a comfort to me:


"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27)

I look forward to the day when my weaknesses become strong.

As I said, things seem to be steadily improving, and I hope that the worst of the storm is over. I feel like our best friend in this situation is time. Time will help heal Flor's wounds. Time has already deepened the bond and love we feel for Flor and will continue to do so. But, in addition to that, Devin and I have talked often and have set specific and personal goals for our relationships with Flor. We want her to know that we love her and that we care about her, no matter what. These goals include increasing our patience during the negative behaviors, overloading her with praise for positive behaviors, time spent daily with just her, as well as daily physical contact with her from each of us. She may cry during the time (which she does sometimes when being held, hugged, etc.), but eventually we hope that she will comfortable with this and understand that being a part of a family includes consistent physical affection. It's odd that she seeks out affection from outsiders, strangers, people she doesn't see often, but shies away from it from us a lot. I have some thoughts and theories on this too, but that could be a whole other blog post, so we won't go into that.

I know there is a reason for all things and I can never doubt that bringing Flor into our family was the right thing for us. I have had the whisperings of the Spirit confirm that to me time after time. As such, I have been able to avoid any thoughts of not having her with us or of dreaming of the "perfect" days of the past. I truthfully would not change things. I would go back and do it again. I would do it again for another child if I felt it was right for us. But- that doesn't mean it has been easy.  I know, too, that the struggles that we are enduring will be for our good and will be for the betterment of our family. I am grateful for what I have already learned about myself from Flor and look forward (maybe...be careful what you wish for, right?!) to the future things she will teach me.

I hope this dose of reality may help other families out there who are thinking of, pursuing, or in the middle of an adoption like ours. It's a whole new ball game--full of many ups, downs, and in betweens. I wish I had been a little more prepared (but how can you be, really) for what to expect with Flor. I was too caught up in the joy of bringing her home finally to really sit and ponder how things might be once we got here. I had some ideas, but the reality has been harder and much more exposing of my own weaknesses than I had ever imagined.

Easter 2012

Here is our re-cap through pictures for our Easter weekend 2012. It was another good one!

Our tradition growing up was to have an egg hunt at my grandma's house-- which included money in our eggs instead of candy. Then of course a huge traditional meal would follow. Since we are all a tad bit older now and have families of our own, we have tried to continue our tradition on our own here in Utah. I love it, though I can't lie, this year was tough because our hunt last year included Linda and her kids and it was one of the last times I saw her before her premature death. I tried not to remind myself of her absence too often over the weekend, but that is easier said than done.

The fun started on Friday with a trip to the pool and to dinner with Cortney and her kids and of course Aunt Carlie. The pool in Cortney's hotel was out of commission, which was a real bummer. The hotel was kind enough to arrange for us to go swimming at another hotel in town, though. Wahoo. We had a great time, despite the fact that the replacement pool didn't have a hot tub. Boo.

Saturday, the kids woke up to the news that the Easter Bunny had found our house! (We have decided to do Easter baskets on Saturday instead of Sunday so that Sunday can be focused on the real reason for Easter, the resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ).

I told Hallie that the Easter Bunny had been by and she said, "I know. I saw him in my room in the night. And it wasn't a him, it was a her. She hugged me and I helped Flor out of bed so that she could get a hug, too. She was tall- she was as tall as the ceiling!" Wow, the imagination on that child...Later the story evolved to two bunnies, a him and a her. Okay, whatever.

We decided to hide the kids' baskets this year, which was quite fun. Hallie did the finding for the most part, but all were excited to see their presents.

Later that afternoon, we had our fabulous egg hunt, complete with insane amounts of eggs. Waaaaay too many, quite frankly. :) The eggs were filled with all sorts of prizes, including, yes money. We had it in a park just around the corner from our house. It is huge and great egg hunting territory.

Pre-hunt: all the kids ready to go! The children of Jennifer, Cortney, Che' and me were all there and represented. The four of us have always been very close and have had great times together. I am excited to see the adventures of the next generation...

And...GO!

Flor was a little slower, but luckily she has daddy to help her. She picked up on the idea quickly and had a great time.

Jace: not so much interested.

"Should we do it?" "I don't know...what do you think?" "Doesn't matter to me...."

Jace did quickly figure out how to open the eggs and THEN he was more interested. Candy! Yum!

Avery made a haul-- as you can see!

The aftermath-- tons of loot!

Our next activity was of course dying eggs. The three dozen eggs went quickly, especially because a fair few people ate faster than they dyed. :)

Easter Sunday was celebrated by going to church, taking pictures, and having a great Easter dinner together at Che's house (no pictures of that-- not sure why.) All in all, it was fabulous. Great times. I am just sad that all the candy is gone already. Yep, already.

Beautiful girls with beautiful dresses from Grandma

All five grandchildren! Jace is a tad outnumbered, eh?

We hope your Easter was wonderful and full of time to reflect on the resurrection of our Savior.

There Aren't Enough Days in the Weekend...

...Agreed?

 This weekend was phenomenal. Seriously. General Conference weekend is generally one of my favorite weekends (twice) each year. I usually really look forward to Conference, but this time I really, really looked forward to it. I don't know what it was- but I just felt I needed it more. It didn't disappoint. More on that in a minute.

The weekend was also especially exceptional though, because we got to see a lot of the people that we love, which is always so great. We saw my dad, Sharon, Dillon, Jack, and Grandma Shawna on Thursday as they passed through town. Grandma got to meet Flor for the first time, which was really fun. Flor enjoyed getting out of school for lunch, too. :)

Saturday night, the kids and I went to dinner with two of my Cheetah friends, Jess and Amy. Amy was in town from Arizona, so getting together was definitely a high priority. We met up at Texas Roadhouse and had a chaotic, but super fun dinner complete with gifts from Amy for each of the kids. Flor and Hals got matching headbands (Hals hasn't taken it off yet. And her first comment after we left was "I can't wait to show it to Landon!" Funny...) and Jace got cookies! Perfect gift for the little man.

Well, perhaps we should get rid of the paper underneath? And don't mind the "bib".

An adorable little dress for Jessica's soon-to-be-born baby girl! Yay!

Hals and her new bow.

The crew of us. So glad to have their help with the kiddos as eating out without Devin proved to be a large challenge. One kid for each of us, though and it worked out fabulously!

A few Conference pictures:

The kids wanted a few little snacks. Flor was kind enough to make sure Jace's mouth was sufficiently stuffed at all times. What a good sister.

Che, Landon, and Hudson, Grandma and Doyle, and Carlie and Tim came over for lunch on Sunday in between sessions. We had a great meal with them and a great time chatting. Nothing better than family + conference. Great combination.

That night, we went to Sarah and Daniel's house (cousins as well) for dinner. Great food, great company, and fun times with games. It was fun to see my cousin Rachel, too, who lives in Colorado. She was here visiting Sarah-- so it was great to spend time with them all.

Sarah and Daniel...game time.

Rachel and her friend--

We had to move the party over to our house so our ornery kids could go to bed...but the game playing continued

And-- I would just like you to note that Devin and Danny lost! This is the first time ever....they are both very competitive with games, so it was pretty awesome that they were the bottom two. Ha. I took a picture to document as it probably won't happen again.

 Today was also family filled as we had a funeral for my great-uncle. My mom & Dave were there, Mari Ann and family, Sue, Grandma & Doyle, Carlie & Tim, Che', my uncle Craig, and my Uncle Lynn and some of his family. It was great to be around them all. Devin stayed home with the kids, which was probably a good idea as they likely would have been naughty during the funeral and no one wants that. The funeral was great. 4 of the members of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles were there and it was extra meaningful to be able to shake hands with a some of them just the day or two after we had just listened to conference messages from each of them. I have been struggling with a some things lately and a few of these particular men said things in their talks that seemed to be directed exactly to me in their messages during conference. Being in their presence and shaking their hands gave me an extra helping of the Spirit that confirmed again to me what I had felt and heard. I have a testimony that these men are called of God.

After the funeral, we walked around the new City Creek Center (which was a zoo by the way) and everyone went to lunch, but I needed to get home to my kids, so I didn't stay for that. All in all, a wonderful weekend filled with two of my favorite things: Spiritual enlightenment and family (and cheetahs are practically family, so you count.) Can't get better than that.

Since so many things were so wonderful to me at conference, I thought I would share a few of my favorite talks and thoughts:

 Elder Ballard: I loved Elder Ballard's talk on the family. There was so much focus on family this conference but I felt his talk was so applicable and straight forward. He talked about the need to have order to everything and to have your family be the biggest priority in our lives. The biggest blessings and rewards come when this is so.

Elder Holland: Elder Holland's talk struck me too. The message to let go of past grievances was beautiful. I don't usually hold grudges against other people, but I sometimes do with myself. A few of my favorite thoughts from him:

 "Be Kind. And be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live." 

"Don't dwell on old issues and grievances. Not toward yourself, nor your neighbor, nor even I might add toward this true and living church."

(I especially love this one): 
"Surely the thing that God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful. Especially to those who don't expect it and to those who feel they don't deserve it."

Elder Uchtdorf: I think this talk was a favorite amongst almost everyone. Elder Uchtdorf has just such a way with words. These quotes are already floating around facebook and I love them both, too: 
"When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it."


"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you."  (from a bumper sticker he saw).

Elder Oaks: Elder Oaks talked about righteous sacrifices. This talk was the one I felt most was directed at me. I won't say a lot about it here, but I feel like we are a little bit "in the trenches" right now as far as Flor's adoption and her adjustment process. This last week was particularly rough for a few reasons and I have found myself questioning things a lot. I know this is normal in the adoption process, but this last week was a "down" week. Please don't mis-interpret this. We knew going in that there would be challenges and there have been. We could just never prepare ourselves adequately enough because we will never know everything we will face ahead of time. We prepared the best we could, but we are still finding there are surprise emotions, regression, behaviors that we don't understand, etc. that can get frustrating. Before you think it- we don't regret our decision and never will, but that doesn't mean that every day is bliss (but when is it with parenting, ever?). We are dealing with a traumatized, uprooted child right now. The fact that she has special needs is somewhat a of a blessing in this situation, but it is also a curse in that she has no real way of expressing herself so that we can know what she is thinking and feeling. She has seven years of history that we will never fully know and we are still in the figure-it-out and get-into-a-routine phase. Very much so.  (On this note, please read THIS post by a woman named Jen Hatmaker. She is an international adoptive mother of older children as well and says things so eloquently. I don't feel as strongly about some of the things she talks about in her post, but it may give you an idea of some of the craziness that happens "After the Airport.")

Anyway, back to Elder Oaks. His talk of sacrifices reminded me that there are things in life that are worth giving up over something better. It is easy to get discouraged in our parenting. It is easy to feel like I am not good enough. It is easy to feel like my efforts go unnoticed. It is easy to feel like I can't ever provide everything that our children, particularly Flor, need. Just at the end of the hard week, this line alone came as a God-send to me. A reminder that He is aware of me and that He cares. I don't need recognition from the world for what we are doing, but the recognition from God that we are on the path that He wants us to be on- the path He directed us to...well, there is nothing quite as comforting as that.

"I also see unselfish Latter-day Saints adopting children, including those with special needs, and seeking to provide foster children the opportunities denied them by earlier circumstances....The Lord sees you also and he has caused his prophets to declare that as you sacrifice for each other and for your children, the Lord will bless you."

(Well, I hope that didn't come across as "look at me and how great I am with all that i am sacrificing!" Not what I intended. I meant to just share the experience of growth of testimony and how buoyed up I feel after the great talks at Conference.)

(if you want to watch any of the talks in full, each of their names should be a link to the video. I am sure the written versions will be up soon, too.)