Change

I've decided that I hate change. I know I have decided this multiple times before, but hear me out for a minute. I am home this weekend. It's really only been a year since I lived here, but already so much has changed. Driving into town makes me want to do one of two things: 1) Wish desperately that I could turn back time and be my carefree, happy 12 year old self running and gossiping with my girlfriends in the schoolyard or 2) turn the car around and drive straight back to Provo so that my panic-y feeling will subside. I know that neither option is reasonable or even sane, so I am faced with spending three days in my hometown where I feel more like a stranger than at home. I have almost no friends left here and the ones that I do have are either engaged or married. My family is still here, but both of my parents live in different houses than the one I grew up in and both new houses are inhabited by lots of strange step-somethings who I have never really had the chance to get used to. I have become so accustomed to life in Provo now... Would it be sad if I started to call it home?

I am the type of person that constantly needs structure and familiarity. So, even the thought of going back to Provo to a new school year, new roommates, new faces in the ward, ect., is almost as scary to me as sitting here in Idaho Falls for the rest of my life would be. It takes me a while to warm up to new things and people. Usually by the time I have gotten used to one set of people or classes, they are being replaced by the next. It's an unsettling thing.

However, when it comes down to it, I realize that every good thing that comes in life is also a result of ... change.